Is ‘Tetris’ a movie trilogy we legitimately don’t need?

06.28.16 12 months ago

The classic video game Tetris is getting not one movie but a trilogy of movies adapted from it. I'd say I'm baffled, but then I remember we had a movie based on the game Battleship. But in a world where people complain about “unnecessary” films all the time, is Tetris the first that actually is?

I say this because when you boil it down, no movie is actually “necessary.” Sure, there are plenty that tell important stories but I'd be hard-pressed to say any movie is truly necessary to life.

That being said, toys, video games, etc. have been adapted into film or television projects which go on to produce more toys and video games. It's a never-ending, money-making, snake-eating-itself cycle and it's not going to stop any time soon. But going as far back as the '80s, something like Clue at least made logical sense to adapt. Looking ahead, I can't say I'd be interested in a Candyland movie, but I know there's tons of story potential. Tetris on the other hand?

It was first reported back in May that Mortal Kombat producer Larry Kasanoff was joining forces with Bruno Wu to make a movie trilogy based on the old Nintendo game Tetris. Video game movies have a notoriously bad rap and I doubt Tetris will make it any better because… what is that movie even about?

Speaking to Empire, Kasanoff reaffirmed the trilogy aspect and said it's “purely because the story we conceived is so big. This isn”t us splitting the last one of our eight movies in two to wring blood out of the stone. It”s just a big story.”

Ok, BUT WHAT IS IT ABOUT?

“We want the story to be a surprise,” Kasanoff told them, while apparently not existing on the internet circa 2016. “But it”s a big science-fiction movie. I came up with the idea as I was thinking about Tetris and the theme of creating order out of chaos.”

So he's not willing to give us any idea what the film was about but at least one thing it would not be – anthropomorphized blocks. Oh, like the Minecraft movie in the works? “We”re not going to have blocks with feet running around the movie,” he said, “but it”s great that people think so. It sets the bar rather low!”

To be fair, it was really, really low already. In this particular instance, I'd much rather watch a dramatized historical film about how Tetris got made (think Halt and Catch Fire) than a Tetris movie.

But it's not all bad news on the video game adaptation front. While Warcraft wasn't beloved domestically, it's been doing great in China, and we've got Assassin's Creed to look forward to as well as countless other various-stages-of-production video game films with potential (and an easily-explained plot).

Frankly, if we're going to adapt a game with no plot whatsoever, I vote we greenlight Neko Atsume.

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