Jennifer Lawrence vs. Beyonce: Who’s the bigger saint?

and 11.12.13 4 years ago 4 Comments

AP Photo

Seeing as Jennifer Lawrence and Beyonce Knowles both appear to be vying for sainthood this week – J-Law by comforting a crying disabled child at the premiere of “Catching Fire” and Bey by performing a duet with a blind disabled child at one of her concerts – we here at RIOT thought it was time to pit the two superstars against each other in order to determine which of them is more deserving of canonization. Because nothing says “saintliness” like “celebrities who are nice to common children.”

After reading both arguments below, vote for who you believe is the most deserving candidate in the poll further down.

Arguing in favor of J-Law: Chris Eggertsen

Fellow Humans,

Jennifer Lawrence is obviously God’s Gift to Humanity in the form of a beautiful and charismatic 23-year-old movie actress, and as such I move to have the angelic “Hunger Games” star canonized as a saint by the pope and/or the vice pope. I propose this motion with the understanding that in the Roman Catholic tradition, a person can be sainted only after death, to which I say: Jennifer Lawrence isn’t a person. She is Jennifer freaking Lawrence.

Why does Jennifer Lawrence deserve the bestowal of such an honor? Look no further than just yesterday, when she comforted a tiny crying child at the premiere of her new blockbuster movie “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire”:

Or the times she has gushed over other big movie stars like Jack Nicholson and Jeff Bridges because she is humble and relatable:

Consider also the endless red carpet interviews where she talks about being hungry (in couture!) and/or watching “Dance Moms” (in couture!):

Beyonce, on the other hand, peddles a poisonous concoction called Pepsi to our nation’s poor innocent children. Need I say more?

Beyonce Pepsi ad

And now for Liana Maeby’s passionate plea in support of Beyonce Knowles:

Fellow Gods,

If there is anyone on this planet who deserves sainthood, it is that kind, generous, utterly magical creature known as Beyonce. Say it aloud: “Saint Beyonce.” “Saint Beyonce of Knowles.” That has so much more flair than “Saint Jennifer.”

Gaze upon this video we brought to your attention yesterday, wherein the benevolent pop star invites a blind and disabled girl to join her in a duet in front of thousands of fans.

And now witness the greatest photobomb of all time, which Beyonce was able to so kindly and hilariously perform without missing a beat.

And, if you aren’t already too overcome with emotion, witness the beautiful and majestic icon FaceTiming with a fan who was unable to attend her concert.

I have presented you with the proof you need to vote for Beyonce to become our next saint (Heaven is a reality show now), and I’m confident you will do just that. As for Jennifer Lawrence? She is at best a pixie-haired cherub who probably doesn’t even know how to play the harp.

Which star do you feel is most deserving of sainthood, J-Law or Queen Bey? Sound off by voting in the poll below.

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