JK Rowling just released a new story about the Beyonce of Harry Potter’s world

08.18.14

Today the wizarding world was rocked as JK Rowling released yet another new story into the lore of Harry Potter. But is 'story' really the right word for Celestina Warbeck's – internationally acclaimed singing sensation – fleshed-out profile? And what was the real reason behind this latest peek into the world of magic?

Exclusively released on Pottermore, Rowling gave juicy details to the life and times of Molly Weasley's favorite pop star, along with an audio clip of Warbeck's hit song. Some of the highlights include:

•  Celestina Warbeck's birthday is August 18th.
•  Her wand is a flexible 10.5 inches, made of larch and phoenix feather.
•  Her Hogwart's house was Gryffindor.
•  Her family is from Wales.
•  Her Muggle mother helped found the Hogwart's theater, dance, and singing curriculum to show off Ms. Warbeck's talents.
•  Ms. Warbeck has had three marriages, one son, and eight houses.
•  She is basically the Beyonce of the wizarding world.
•  Her latest album was a global smash.

Did JK Rowling just write over 400 words in a lead up to an advertisement for the Diagon Alley expansion at Universal Studios “The Wizarding World of Harry Potter”? Guys, no. 

Everyone was already excited for the Diagon Alley expansion. There was no reason to bury the lede about what was going on here! We all still would've read about Celestina Warbeck's meteoric rise to fame and her clashes with the Ministry over how to celebrate Hallowe'en is you'd told us what it was! Which is a way to showcase the musical talent of the actress(es) playing Celestina during “The Singing Sorceress: Celestina Warbeck and the Banshees” stage show. 

If you have a (free!) Pottermore account, you can go here to listen to “You Stole My Cauldron (But You Can't Have My Heart),” the title track off Celestina Warbeck's latest album. And keep an eye out. Something tells me we'll be seeing this single – along with “A Cauldron Full Of Hot, Strong Love” and “You Charmed The Heart Right Out Of Me” – on iTunes sooner rather than later.

Complete lyrics to Celestina Warbeck's hit song “You Stole My Cauldron”

You think you're quite the wizard, got me under your spell,
But guess what, Mister Wizard, you don't know me so well
You thought you were so clever, but, in truth, you're a crook
And no way you're gettin' away with all the things that you took

You stole my cauldron
My favourite black hat
Purloined my owl
Then flew off like a vampire bat
You claimed that you loved me
Said we'd never part
Then you stole my cauldron
(Oh, you stole her cauldron)
But you can't have my heart.

Oh, sure, you're quite the dancer, swept me off of my feet
But back here on the ground, I see a liar and cheat
And when you disappeared at first it's me who I blamed
But now I see you're wicked as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named

You stole my cauldron
The toads from my pond
Crystal phials of my memories
Plus my larch and phoenix feather wand
But don't think that you broke me
Cause you ain't all that smart
See, you stole my cauldron
(Stole her favourite cauldron)
But you can't have my heart.

(You stole her cauldron)
Go on and take it!
(Her hippogriff, too!)
Careful, he bites.
(Her dragon skin coat)
You can have it!
If that's worth so much to you.
But love, love is priceless
Like a rare work of art
Yes, you stole my cauldron
(She can buy a new cauldron)
But you can't have –
You can't have –
You can't have my heart!
(No, no, no, you stole her cauldron)
(No, no, no, you stole her cauldron)
Not my heart!
(No, no, no, you stole her cauldron)
You stole my cauldron, but you can't have my heart!
(Her heart!)

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