So this is fun: While hanging with friends at the Beverly Hills Hotel in 2013, Lindsay Lohan apparently/allegedly scribbled down a list of famous men she's had some sort of sexual dalliance with. Then she tossed that list aside and forgot about it. Then one of her friends gave it to In Touch Weekly, which is unveiling new names on Lindsay's “celebrity f*ck list” every week. What could be better/worse? Nothing/nothing.
Some of the esteemed luminaries revealed last week: Colin Farrell, Heath Ledger, Zac Efron (whose actual reaction to being named was captured here), Colin Farrell, James Franco, Justin Timberlake, Joaquin Phoenix, Wilmer Valderrama, and Garrett Hedlund. The magazine just disclosed a few more of the names, and they're just as scholarly: Ryan Phillippe, Ashton Kutcher, Orlando Bloom, Stavros Niarchos (most known for his Olsen twin escapades), and Benicio del Toro. It's like the “Oceans Eleven” of dubious company.
We still have six names left before the entire list (written on a Scattegories answer sheet) is revealed. Who are Lindsay's last six conquests? We can't be sure, but I know who I want them to be.
1. Shia LaBeouf: This does seem sort of inevitable, doesn't it? And I hope it's true, because then Shia can turn his experience into an art installation and invite journalists to cry with him as he screens “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen.”
2. Topher Grace: Don't tell me Lohan left out any cast members from “That '70s Show.” Hell, if Laura Prepon showed up here, I'd clap in my office.
3. John Travolta: I don't know how or why this would happen, but it'd really explain a lot about the both of them.
4. Corbin Bleu: Why should Zac Efron get all the Lohan ass in the “High School Musical” cast? I hope Lindsay's taste in basketball balladeers goes beyond the “Charlie St. Cloud” Mattel figurine and ascends to the heights of HSM's true soulster.
5. Jonathan Bennett: How nice would it be if Lindsay and her “Mean Girls” paramour Jonathan Bennett really discovered, together, that the limit does not exist when it comes to backstage hanky-panky? I'd like that. And so would Miss Norbury. Wonder if Jonathan's pubic hair looks sexy pushed back.
6. Meryl Streep: When I think of a sexual movie set, I don't think of “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” or “Cleopatra.” I think “A Prairie Home Companion.” Just picture it. All these wonderful actors in hootenanny clothes discussing the dry wit of Garrison Keillor. Mmmmm, damn. I hope Meryl enjoyed some Lohan for even just a night, because she could use that jarring experience to fuel her next 400 perfect performances.
Your turn: Who should the last six names be?