Michael Bay’s ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Trailer Finally Dropped

03.27.14 8 Comments

With the film already polarizing fans based on toys and children's Halloween costumes alone, it won't take long for lines to be drawn in the proverbial sand on this version of the 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle' brand now that the first official trailer is out. The results are…mixed. 

Yes, the turtles are cracking wise. Yes, they're a step up from the rubber masks of the 90s – but you'd have to be actively trying to be terrible to not be better than that. Yes, the ooze is is present and accounted for. Yes, Shredder's mask looks amazing. And yes, they are definitely teenagers that are ninja turtles. The jury is still out on if they're mutants.

On the flip side, why is Shredder working with April's dad? April's dad better not be Splinter. Hollywood's allergy to just letting people coincidentally meet has reached epidemic status. And why would a huge shady corporation decide turtles are the best of Earth's creatures to mutate in to super ninjas? Plus, the turtles are ginormous. Those shells sure aren't fitting through man hole covers which leads one to question how they've flown below the radar all this time. I mean, their creepily small heads would fit, but they aren't a liquid solid like house cats where if the head fits, the rest will follow. And for the love of everything, why can't Megan Fox close her mouth?

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