More Stars get rejected by Oscar, ready to shill at Globes

01.03.09 8 years ago

AP Photo/David Goldman

So, before the holidays I had some fun conjecturing what went through the stars minds when their publicists told, er, I mean offered them the plum gig of presenting at this year”s 66th Annual Golden Globes.

Now, even more big names are planning on hawking their wares on television’s second most watched Awards show (at least it was before last year’s strike threw the business out of wack).  Let”s take a peek into those dark scary brains shall we?

Cameron Diaz
Reasoning: “Awww, you HFPA peeps are so cute.  What”s that perfume you”re wearing gain?  Oh, it”s not too strong at all. I love it. I mean, it”s so captivating I can smell it all the way in the other room. ”

Jessica Lange
Reasoning: “My, I haven”t won a Globe in over 10 years!  But ‘Grey Gardens” will be on HBO soon and there”s always next year, right?  I mean, how many more has Meryl won than me? No, I meant before this year.”

Chris Rock

Reasoning: “”Kill the Messenger” on DVD Jan. 20 bitches.”

Aaron Eckhart
Reasoning: “It”s for Heath right?  I mean, this is what Heath would have wanted right?”

Laurence Fishburne
Reasoning: “[Sigh].  No, you don”t have to remind me about the contract.  Yes, I understand it requires me to promote the show.  Numerous times.  But, let me tell you this. You make it damn clear I want more Emmy consideration ads for this [expletive].”

Blake Lively

Reasoning: “Wait, I have to wear the same pair of pants as three other presenters?  Eww.  Don”t they get we never wore the real same pair of pants in the movie? That joke is like two-years-old.  Oh. It was either that or make out with Chace? No, you”re right his mouth has been everywhere. Let”s do the pants bit.”

Aren’t you glad we took a peek? Enlightening, no?

And yes, even more big names that got turned down for the Academy Awards (cause trust me, unless you get nominated for a Globe, you aren”t touching that Beverly Hilton stage until Oscar says “no”) are on the way.  

Stay tuned.

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