“Project Runway” is back for season 10, bitches! And I mean bitches in the good way, because I’ve missed you guys and your collective knack for sniffing out the tacky stuff faster than Michael Kors can come up with a zinger! Aren’t you excited? Didn’t you miss Tim Gunn? I know I did! Especially when I was watching “Project Accessory” and wishing I could stick sewing needles in my eyes. Anyway, this season promises to be a whole hella lot of crazy, what with designers actually LEAVING THE SHOW in the middle of the night like very chic catburglers carrying pinking shears. Thanks to a lead-in episode, we do get to meet all of the designers tonight, so we should all be able to place our bets on a winner pretty quickly. For the record, I’ve made mine. But let’s get to that in a minute. First, we need to meet our designers! Past winners Nick Verreos and Mondo Guerra lead the way.
First up in Christopher Palu, 24, from Massapequa, New York. He likes to make women look like ferocious bitches. That’s the attitude I like to hear! He has severe asthma and has had a heart attack senior year of high school. Nick thinks he’s confident and self-assured. I think he makes some damn fine sketches.
Next we have Dmitry Sholokov, 33, from New York by way of Belarus. He’s an alpha male, which makes me suspect he’ll be annoyed by everyone in the workroom. He used to work as a model AND a professional ballroom dancer. When Nick saw his clothes, his first thought was Paris Fashion Week. He thinks he’s like Alber Elbaz of Lanvin, which is high praise indeed.
Lantie Foster is 48, lives in New York but is originally from Northern Cali. She looks like she’s from Northern Cali, and not in a good way. Her dad cut her off when she wanted to go to art school. Mondo thinks she overdesigns, but she doesn’t think so. I think she’s defensive, and she won’t go far in this competition with that attitude.
Ven Bughu, 28, lives in Kew Gardens, NY but was born in Guyana. He says he doesn’t have friends because he’s so competitive. Really? Huh. But man, his clothes are gorgeous. He’s clearly a red carpet guy. These are the first designs of the night that are saying winner to me. Mondo thought his stuff was just beautiful. Nick says Nina will have a fashion Columbian orgasm, which I guess means Nina will like them.
Remember Gunnar Deatherage, the man with the best name ever? He’s 22 and hails from Louisville, Kentucky. He was also eliminated almost immediately last season. He doesn’t like to lose, so he went home, came up with a big picture idea and a clear image of who his customer is. Oh, and he made all his buttons.
Sonjia Williams, 27, hails from Boston. She died her hair blue, has truly hideous taste in fabric and seems like a perfectly nice person who should get over the neon thing, ASAP. Isn’t that kind of last year anyway? Please let it be last year.
Elena Slivnyak, 28, comes to us from San Francisco. She has a unique point of view, and Nick has never seen anything like her stuff before. Some of it seems a little space movie meets Commes des Garcons, but that’s okay. I’m interested to see more from her.
Beatrice Guapo, 29, is from Marina Del Rey, California. Her dad died, she’s sad. So are her clothes, honestly. She likes droopy knits and eeek! Color blocking. Yeah, another Mila. But NIck thought her clothes were modern and directional and yet young and fresh. I think Nick is smoking something. I honestly hate Beatrice’s clothing. She seems like a nice girl, but droopy knits are not chic.
Andrea Katz, 58, is from New York, teaches art and fashion and used to have a retail store. Unfortunately, when the economy bombed so did she, and she was homeless for a year. She says she’s an anti-fashion fashionista and a feminist. She also owns cats. Some of her fabrics make me want to tear my eyes out, but Mondo thinks she makes wearable art.
Kooan Kosuke, 30, is from Himeji, Japan. He also has a blonde afro, which means his hair is so overprocessed it’s probably about to fall out. He likes jumpsuits. Nick liked his style and thinks he’ll do well in the kooky challenges. Mondo likes his spirit and thinks he has a strong point of view. He also thinks he has a good shot to make it to Fashion Week. I think “PR” probably needs a shot of Tokyo attitude, so I’m all for Kooan.
Buffi Jashanmal, 31, is famous in Dubai, where she grew up. She’s half-Indian, half-Australian and all wacky. Mondo thinks she does kooky really well. Nick says she’s Pat Field 20 years ago. I hope that she sticks around in the competition for a while, because she’s all kinds of fun and I’m sure she’ll give good confession room interviews.
Fabio Costa is a 29-year-old freegan from Brazil, which means he eats out of dumpsters. Oh, and he likes to wear skirts. His stuff is actually much nicer than I’d expect, but I still wouldn’t want to go to dinner at his house.
Alicia Hardesty, 27, is from Brandenburg, Kentucky. She’s gay and she creates tomboy clothes Nick defines as Williamsburg lesbian chic. I think some of them are cute, but I think she’s a one trick pony when it comes to design. Everything looks like burlap onuses to me.
Melissa Fleis, 31, is from Rogers, Michigan. She likes black, lots and lots and lots of black. She’s a little goth. Poor thing; black really isn’t her color. She’d probably look good in pink. Sorry, but it’s true. That being said, I dig her clothes. Mondo thinks she has a shot at Fashion Week.
Nathan Paul, 33, lives in Manhattan but he was born in Ohio. His dad was a pastor. He had to go to church EVERY NIGHT. He had to go to the beach fully clothed. His dad didn’t know what the whole fashion thing was — until he saw “Project Runway.” And all of a sudden, he supported Nathan’s interest in design! Nathan loves “PR” for many, many reasons.
Raul Osorio, 27, hails from Minneapolis. His goal? To design for a very vain woman. Mondo thinks his clothes talk, and he talks, and that’s all good. And I think that’s our top 16!
NIck and Mondo also have their bets on who will make the top three.
Nick’s top 3:
Ven
Dmitry
Melissa
Mondo’s top 3:
Ven
Fabio
Beatrice
My top 3?
Ven
Christopher
Dmitry
I absolutely hate it when a woman doesn’t make the top three, so my wild card might be Melissa. I like Elena’s clothes but she seems a little nuts, and I like Buffi but not her clothes. We’ll see how we do!
First, we see everyone yelling and screaming in Times Square. There are fans! There are cameras! There’s Heidi, Michael and Nina! And Lauren Graham! Don’t you miss “Gilmore Girls”?
But first, we jump back in time. This is like a movie! Or bad editing! We meet Buffi, then Gunnar. Gunnar says last year he didn’t know who he was as a designer. Now he has a point of view. It’s a chance for redemption! Gunnar likes to picture Cruella deVil in his outfits, dragging a fur behind her. Gunnar seems like he could be fun or he could be a whiny diva. Not so sure at this point.
The designers meet at Parsons. Kooan wants to make clothes that are love. Which is fine, because Kooan’s English is a whoooole lot better than my Japanese. Melissa was going to be a lawyer, but changed her mind. She loves black and white films and photography and clothes! Mostly black. I feel like something sad happened to Melissa, but I’m not sure what. Maybe adolescence.
The designers have one look each in the room, and everyone loves Ven’s designs. I do, too. Really, I will fall over from shock if he doesn’t make it to the top three.
Tim Gunn! Oh, how we have missed you! He points out to the designers that they each have a look on their dress forms, and for the challenge they must create a second look. They have one day for the challenge and a $100 budget. This first challenge will be the biggest in the history of “PR.” They will be in the center of the universe – Times Square! Okay, NOT the center of the universe, but it might be fun.
Christopher is confident. He’s CONFIDENT! Yes, we can tell. Christopher looks like he’s going to cry.
The designers head off to Mood, buy stuff, then head back to the work room. Christopher stupidly tries to strike up a conversation with Gunnar, who practically bites his head off. What is wrong with Gunnar? Gunnar, for no obvious reason, HATES Christopher. They’re too alike! And there’s only room for one Gunnar-like person! And Gunnar thinks it should be HIM! Gunnar needs a Valium or six.
It isn’t “PR” without something going horribly wrong. Raul’s fabric is wadding up. He won’t be able to make his second outfit! Everything is terrible!
Sonjia is sure she has ADD. She wants everyone to love everyone! I’m thinking Sonjia may not stick around for long, either. Fabio thinks of a sewing machine as a lullaby, and tells everyone he eats out of dumpsters. This doesn’t turn off Gunnar. He likes Fabio.
Dmitry thinks Buffi is too loud. Dmitry thinks everyone is too loud. Dmitry hates everyone.
It also isn’t “PR” without designers critiquing their competitors behind their backs. Buffi thinks Lantie’s outfit looks cheap. I think that’s kind. It looks like something Lantie pulled out of a dumpster while eating out with Fabio.
Tim Gunn is back! Time for advice! Melissa is first. He’s intrigued, and Melissa decides that’s a good thing. He doesn’t get Sonjia’s jacket with her dress, and I don’t either. Buffi is not a bit not too much. Say THAT ten times fast! Kooan is, according to Gunnar, has designed something that looks like what Liberace threw up. I’m pretty sure Liberace vomit did not look like that. But Tim is confused by it nonetheless. Tim suggests Beatrice use a layer that’s not a knit for her hideous knits. I think maybe Beatrice should just pack a bag. Tim thinks Fabio’s first look works, but he doesn’t like the new skirt. Fabio wants to cry. Man up, Fabio! It’s only getting worse from here on out!
After the commercial break, Tim talks to Gunnar. And that’s all we see. Lantie’s look is not a hit with Raul, but that’s a given. I don’t think it’s a hit with anyone who can see. Or touch. Or put on clothing. Tim wants Elena to commit. He loves Ven’s first look, but isn’t sure he can finish his second look in time. I wouldn’t worry about Ven. Tim has faith in Andrea. Tim tells Raul his model will look naked because of the sheer fabric he’s using. Raul is panicked, and he probably should be. Tim likes Christopher’s look. He thinks he could still have a wow moment. Christopher is overjoyed! Because really, Christopher did not seem confident. No matter how many times he said it.
Dmitry thinks Melissa looks like a groupie. Again, Dmitry hates everyone. Beatrice fights with a sewing machine. She doesn’t know how to sew, apparently. Why is she on this show again?
Gunnar makes more bitchy comments to Christopher, who thinks Gunnar should be on “Toddlers & Tiaras.” I think so, too! Gunnar would like a glitz pageant, if you ask me.
Looking at the room, Beatrice, Raul and Lantie seem like candidates for the bottom three so far.
Time’s up! The designers head out to Times Square and meet the judges. Michael Kors, Nina Garcia and Heidi Klum are in the house, while Lauren Graham and Patricia Field are, too. Let’s get that runway moving!
Ven
First Look: Katherine Hepburn redux. Love the architectural pink corset. The pants rock, too.
Second Look: He just made that dress? Bright pop of pink, perfectly fitted. Simple but I love it. I’d buy it.
Beatrice
First Look: Look! A sloppy henley-style dress! Blick. With a cape? Egads.
Second Look: Tim was right; she needed to use the red for a top. But Beatrice’s designs sum up everything I hate about California cazh fashion. She might as well have sent her models down the runway in Uggs.
Lantie
First Look: I was wondering what I did with that crazypants macrame potholder.
Second Look: Lantie doesn’t think it’s great. I think it’s much worse than that.
Andrea
First Look: I kinda dig Nutty Grandma’s aesthetic. Clean lines, yet still bold design.
Second Look: Okay, I get the idea, but the balloon skirt starts too high on the model. She looks like she has a massive tumor.
Christopher
First Look: A little black dress that doesn’t fit the model very well. I think he got screwed for time.
Second Look: I actually like this a lot more than his first look. A lot, lot more. Kinda beautiful.
Alicia
First Look: Looks like baby clothes for adults.
Second Look: Don’t love the dropped crotch.
Elena
First Look: Okay, it’s a little out there. Maybe a little too much going on.
Second Look: This looks theatrical runway to me. Kinda love it. She has big ideas, I’ll hand her that.
Buffi
First Look: It’s okay. Awfully shiny.
Second Look: I do dig the top. But not entirely sold on the pants.
Dmitry
First Look: I don’t mind the sheer panel, but the fabric is too much.
Second Look: Much better. Cleaner, chic.
Kooan
First Look: Harajuku girl! I think he’s wacky fun, really. Like Mondo on acid.
Second Look: A cute little jumper but it doesn’t look like it’s constructed well.
Gunnar
First Look: Baby puke green has never been a favorite of mine.
Second Look: The floral is unexpected, so it’s better. But still, I don’t think Gunnar lives up to his own hoe.
Nathan
First Look: Nice dress.
Second Look: REALLY nice dress.
Sonjia
First Look: The jacket works, but not the pants.
Second Look: Okay, but not great.
Melissa
First Look: The train looks too much like a tail. But I like the rest of it.
Second Look: I dig it. Love the skirt. But Melissa is going to have to design something that isn’t black soonish.
Raul
First Look: This doesn’t look tailored to the model, but I like the idea.
Second Look: The skirt he couldn’t possibly finish? He finished! It’s cute, cute, cute.
Fabio
First Look: I like it.
Second Look: I like this too, but it doesn’t look like it’s in the same collection as the first look.
Heidi was very impressed! She informs us the winner will get a lot of free stuff. And some cash. And they’ll be able to sell their stuff at Lord & Taylor. Plug, plug, plug.
Kooan, Ven, Lantie, Christopher, Beatrice, Melissa are in the top or bottom. Everyone else is safe. Buffi is fine with the middle. No kidding!
Kooan is up first. Heidi has a lot of questions. She thinks it’s odd and strange but intriguing. Michael thinks he has a look, and it’s not something that would go unnoticed. Michael says even if he likes cartoon, you still don’t want to be a joke. Nina is concerned that he’s being outrageous just for the sake of outrageous. Patricia thinks the jumper fabric is tricky. Lauren thought he was very inventive. I think Kooan is doing stuff that Gwen Stefani was ripping off from Tokyo street culture a few years ago for L.A.M.B. He has a vision; I think they need to let him keep going. I’m actually surprised he’s in the bottom.
Melissa talks about Bauhaus, the look and the band. Michael knows her vibe. But he hopes there’s more black. Nina really liked it. She liked the second look better, though. Heidi thought it was current and girls would want to wear it. And she would, too. Lauren thinks she and the models tell a story of coolness.
Beatrice is next. Heidi was not attracted to either look. She thought it was T-shirt meets sack. She thought it was too sad. Nina thinks the shape of the first dress is quite beautiful. Michael says he doesn’t know who her girl is. Patricia says it doesn’t catch her eye in any special way. Beatrice needs to move away from SoCal for a hot minute. She probably owns Juicy sweatpants.
Heidi loves Christopher’s gown. But she says the black dress doesn’t translate well — it’s true that you couldn’t see any of the detailing on the runway. Michael thinks the fabric manipulation is really well done. But he didn’t like how the girls were styled. He thought it was a little wedding party. Nina saw a lot of problems in the black dress, but thought the brown dress was remarkable. Pat thinks the gown shows specialness.
Lantie talks about her ugly dresses. Heidi doesn’t think the snake piece is flattering. Michael doesn’t know what she’s trying to say. He thinks it’s a little sad. Lauren thought the white dress was pretty. Nina thought she was trying too hard, and the second one was horrifying. Patricia says it’s one step below design. Lantie is going home, I think.
Ven talks about his beautiful dresses. Heidi liked how they worked with one another. Michael was impressed that he tailored fabric that’s really tough to tailor and he thought the flower on the bustier was fantastic. Nina thinks the bustier looks expensive and phenomenal. Lauren thought it looked fresh and happy.
They liked Melissa, but not as much as Christopher’s or Ven’s. Patricia loves that Christopher took an old lady fabric and made it young. Patricia thinks Ven could step out. Michael thinks everything Ven did was made perfectly and Nina notes it all looked expensive.
On to the losers. Michael wants to make sure it has humor but it’s not a joke. Nina is worried by his behavior, too. Heidi thinks they should see how he is next week. Michael thinks the only good thing was the grey dress. Heidi loves her Snuggie! Michael thinks she’s badly reworking vintage clothes. They’re also worried that Lantie seemed okay with her ugly ass stuff.
Christopher is the winner of the first challenge. Gunnar hates him even MORE. He doesn’t like his arrogance! His head is going to swell as big as Parsons. Or his, even! Ven and Melissa are in.
Kooan is in. Lantie is… in. Beatrice is out. Um, somebody better break the news to Mondo.
Well, now that “PR” is here, are you pleased? Do you think Beatrice was the weak link? Who do you think is going to win it?