Even Andy Cohen seemed exhausted by the screaming in the final installment of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” reunion, and I can't blame him a bit. This third episode just felt like one long, worn-out argument. I'm guessing this must be what it's like to break up with a psychotherapy grad student or a card-carrying narcissist. No wonder Andy stuck his fingers in his ears.
This was really The Great Battle of Kenya and NeNe, which began with an argument about Marlo. It seems to me that Kenya has decided that if she acts like some information is horrible and damaging viewers at home are stupid enough to go along, which was definitely the case here. NeNe called Marlo and told her that if she filmed with Kenya, she wouldn't film with her! How childish and stupid and controlling! I was thinking, um, maybe NeNe figured that, since Bravo has already refused to make Marlo a Housewife, it didn't make sense to drag her into every scene of the show. Or maybe she was just sick of Marlo. Anyway, you'd think Kenya had found concrete proof that NeNe has been knocking over liquor stores or eating live babies the way she was waggling her finger.
More interesting — and disconcerting — was the fight between NeNe and Kandi. It turns out you can say anything about Kandi, but don't you dare disrespect her mom! Um, I'm usually all about Team Kandi, but I can't fault NeNe for pointing out Mama Joyce acts like gutter trash, because, um, she does. NeNe wasn't pointing out anything we didn't know when she mentioned Mama Joyce threw a shoe and tried to start a physical fight in a bridal salon, but Kandi was furious! How disrespectful of NeNe! Yeah, Kandi, if you want to come to someone's defense, start with yourself.
Then, it was back to The Great Battle of Kenya and NeNe, in which that stupid fundraiser Kenya threw for NeNe's “benefit” was the topic at hand. What I hadn't heard before was that the organization released a statement Kenya hadn't contributed any money afterward (which Kenya is quick to point out was soon retracted). NeNe challenges Kenya to pick the charity of her choice so that both of them can write checks for $20,000. Kenya looks like she's swallowed a bug, but plays along. Guess what they'll be talking about in season 7?
Everyone gets to bag on NeNe for her comment about being at a “higher level” than the rest of the girls, which Phaedra sidesteps by saying she wasn't at the fundraiser and assumed she wasn't included in that statement. Kandi was, however, and she just wants to make it clear that she has an impressive resume, as does everyone in the cast (well, I wouldn't say that, but okay), so she finds NeNe's statement odd. How does NeNe respond to this? She keeps barking about how she hasn't accomplished anything, over and over again, mostly to drown out Kenya.
I'm almost glad that I can barely understand what NeNe or Kenya are saying in these fights, because what I do hear just sounds like the same old same old. Can't they ask the producers to give them better material? Kidding. Sort of.
Anyway, Cynthia is happy to announce she is able to service Peter more frequently since having her fibroids out (ice) and Phaedra admits she and Apollo are in counseling. For some reason, when Apollo joins the ladies on the couch, he needs to tell Kenya that he's her storyline. “I built you!” But hey, if he goes away, he wants Kenya to send money on his book. I guess “away” means jail.
When the conversation turns to things Kenya said on Bethenny Frankel's TV show, Phaedra calls Kenya a sneaky, trifling slut, and actually shuts the woman down by saying she's “paddling in sperm banks” and won't know if the father of her baby is a “child molester or a serial killer, because all you know is that he ejaculated into a cup for $10 to buy a medium-sized pizza.” Kenya says Phaedra hasn't won any court cases lately, but I'd still love to hear her arguments.
When the guys take the sofa, Peter crows that he's the new Housewife and takes a bite out of a peach, but that's about all of the drama in it. Gregg tries to play down the friction between Cynthia and NeNe, but Peter has no problem with it! He loves that it's pleasant without all the calling and talking and stuff!
Finally, we get around to the whole Pillow Talk mess, which Kenya sees as a perfect opportunity to yak about how horrible it was. No one rushed to her defense! A man laid hands on her! Everyone who was there seems pretty quick to point out that Christopher just tried to stop Kenya from getting up in his wife's grill, but Kenya won't give up. She was walking across a hotel room! That's all! And she was touched! By a man!
Andy does manage to get NeNe to apologize for calling Brandon a queen, but on the spectrum of apologies it's just one notch above “I'm sorry you're such a dumb ass.”
Then, there is more of The Great Battle of Kenya and NeNe, which is mostly notable because NeNe calls Kenya Miss Funk Box, which I now want to use in a sentence.
Finally, it's time to wrap up. Cynthia doesn't think people watch the show for fighting, which suggests to me she has no idea why people watch the show. Kenya thinks what's great about the show is that it's about women trying to get ahead in life, which is not quite the same as this show being inspirational. Phaedra thinks sometimes women are inspired by the show, sometimes not, and I would say mostly not. Kandi's embarrassed about how she tried to lay the beat down during the Pillow Talk party, which is at least an honest thing to say.
I think it's interesting that Andy asks NeNe whether or not she still wants to do the show, and that NeNe gives him a pretty feeble maybe. I think that NeNe is still waiting for her big break in Hollywood (and thought she had it with “The New Normal”) and has one foot out the door. That might be okay — just as long as Kenya doesn't swoop in to claim her queen bee title.