While the final part of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” season reunion covered lots of territory — Porsha’s singing skills, Apollo’s possible text flirtation with Kenya, twirl T-shirts — but really, all of that paled in comparison to Kenya being plunked firmly on the hot seat and, yes, melting the hell down.
After some kind words about Kim from NeNe, who kind of canceled them out by suggesting her hair was fake (which, really, I think was entirely true), things started heating up once the focus shifted over to Kenya and her non-relationship with Walter. At long last, Andy posed the question that has been on everyone’s mind this season: Did Kenya really hire the guy to play the part of her boyfriend?
Of course, the answer was no. “I would not waste my time pretending to be in a relationship when I have a worldwide stage to find me a man,” Kenya explained. That’s not the worst argument, but I’m pretty sure Kenya had rehearsed her answer to this question for weeks before the show, so I wasn’t expecting her to stumble.
But her denying Walter’s claims wasn’t the end of the discussion. Phaedra had to mention how odd it was to her that Kenya flirted with every man she met, given her claims of wanting to marry Walter. When Walter asks the assembled housewives if they believed the relationship between Kenya and Walter was genuine, no one raises a hand. Kenya doesn’t CARE, though. “Yes, I did lie! I lied to myself! I was a nice person to him and he was a bleep to me! For that, he is dead to me. And if his damn toupee caught on fire, I wouldn’t even spit on his ass.” For good measure, Kenya also calls him an assclown and tells everyone he lied about his age.
I think Andy sensed that Kenya was going to bitch her way right into a lawsuit (which would probably name Bravo as well), so he tried to smoothly steer Crazypants into happier terrain by asking her about her love life. She smiles! She glows! And then she starts crying. She’s so happy! But she can’t talk about it at the moment! Um, okay. If the little hand fan wasn’t enough of a giveaway, Kenya seems to be at the manic stage of her possible, alleged bipolar disorder. Possibly allegedly.
Then, the men join the discussion, and things go from weird to worse. Apollo, Gregg, Todd and Peter never made any bones about their bromance with Walter, and Kenya almost immediately goes on the defensive, if the defensive includes twirling and singing. I’m not even kidding. Twirling. Singing. It’s like someone told her when she was a little kid to twirl and sing when she was frightened of thunderstorms or spinach casseroles, and she never dropped the habit.
I know, it’s an allusion to her craptastic music video, but I’m not sure if this little meltdown is going to drive traffic or really make someone close to her sneak her into a mental institution when she thinks they’re really picking her up to go to dinner. Even as Peter tries to make a case in defense of Walter, whom Kenya did call gay (which, to her mind, isn’t an insult, just a question she had), Kenya sings under her breath, as if she can just wish the guy away.
There is also an extended argument with Apollo, during which she tries to make everyone read the texts he supposedly sent her, and Apollo talks about how he had to change hotels to get away from Kenya. I’m not sure where the truth lies, but I can totally see Kenya as a stalker, can’t you?
Part of me had thought Kenya was a fun rabble rouser this season. But after this, I have to agree with Gregg. The girl needs medication.
Someone else who might need a Xanax is Porsha. Knowing that her husband Kordell filed for divorce just two weeks after the reunion special was filmed, it puts a big filter of sad on everything she says. More than that, it makes me think she really, really didn’t see the break-up coming. Kordell, notably, is the one significant other who isn’t there to support his woman (well, Kordell and Walter, but I think Kenya might have slapped a restraining order on him). She said he had to work late, though I suspect he was meeting with his lawyer and sneaking his half of the DVD collection out of the house.
Porsha defends her doomed relationship, then launches into a rant about how much she admired all the other women (even Kenya!) and had hoped to connect with them. She wanted to break down the TV wall and be real with them if they were ready to be real with her! It’s an impassioned, shrieky rant that drags on and on, and I can’t decide if the other women are going to applaud her desperate attempt to connect or just stare at the floor in embarrassment for her and her weird desire to be real. Yeah, they pick the second one.
NeNe and Cynthia try to tell Porsha that, as hard as the season was for her, it’s that hard for everyone the first time around. Porsha doesn’t care! She just wants to learn and connect! Only Kandi thinks to apologize to Porsha for bagging on her marriage, as it’s none of her business. It’s still kind of a terrible moment, in that you get the sense that Porsha really did hope to become friends with these women, and has only recently realized, oh yeah, it’s a TV show.
Andy decides to cheer up Porsha by inviting her to sing “Amazing Grace.” She’s not great, but she’s not bad. She gets a smattering of polite applause, and Kenya looks like she wants to throw up because the spotlight is on SOMEONE ELSE.
Finally, it’s time to wrap things up. NeNe declares that it was a good season, with less negativity than past seasons. Phaedra, however, did not think it was a good season for some crazy reason… oh yeah, that might be that Kenya hit on her husband and was generally insane. Still, NeNe thinks it’s time for a new housewife… a new REPLACEMENT housewife. Who she wants out she won’t say, but I have my suspicions, don’t you?
What did you think of the reunion? Who do you think NeNe wants fired?