‘Real Housewives of New York City’: Should Kristen just get over it?

05.21.14 4 years ago 9 Comments


There are many things I like about Kristen, really there are, but she has to stop giving us That Face. You know the one I'm talking about. Her eyes bug out and her mouth drops open as if she's magically been turned into a large mouth bass or a baby hippopotamus. She simply can't BELIEVE things! She lives in a nearly constant state of shock. No wonder Ramona whipped a glass at her. 

In the Berkshires, there is yoga and farting. That is all we're going to say about that. 

Ramona gets her comeuppance this week, or to paraphrase Heather, her goose lightly sauteed. I love that the girls (sans Kristen and Aviva but with LuAnn, who just won't leave the show) actually come up with a game plan to pin Ramona in a booth like a rabid raccoon, but that's not that far off. Ramona does not respond well to pressure, or criticism, or thinking, or much of anything except maybe wine. 

What we learn in this confrontation is that Sonja is really more upset that Ramona didn't take her with her to the Hamptons, rather than the lying and the fake freak out. In Sonjaverse, the only true crime is going to a fabulous party and not inviting her. Still, Sonja hardly gets a word in edgewise as LuAnn and Heather try to communicate helpful information to Ramona, such as no one is buying her little meltdowns, and other people have feelings, and if she didn't want to go to the Berkshires she could have stayed the hell home. But Ramona can't deal! There's yelling! It's just like she's back with her abusive parents, if her parents beat one another in expensive New York City restaurants! 

Ramona later dumps all her anger about this intervention on her husband Mario, who assures her that the woods are scary to lots of people, because they often contain poison ivy. Ramona doesn't need therapy! She has a legitimate fear of poison ivy! These silly girls have no compassion!

Kristen gets to dump her feelings on her husband, too, but it's not nearly as successful of an encounter. She wants Josh to be a part of Kingsley's physical therapy session, which seems to mean making cooing noises and watching a physical therapist bounce things at the kid. This seems about as interesting as watching termites mate, but Kristen is horrified when Josh admits he'd rather be in a business meeting — and then takes a bunch of “important phone calls.” What could be more important than family? Why doesn't he go to Cash's swim meets? Why doesn't Josh bring her roses? Why, why, why does he have to go to a stoopid job that allows her to be a stay-at-home mom in one of the most expensive cities in the country? Geez, he's so selfish!

Josh, oddly enough, tries to explain to Kristen that he has to keep her in saggy yoga pants and unflattering tank tops by working, and she could try making him dinner every once in a while if she wants her damn roses. Kristen is hurt! She's weepy! His children will be going to college next year and he'll be SORRY! I'm sure he'll miss spending time with his kids, but I'm not sure he'll miss spending time with Kristen, to tell the truth.

LuAnn attempts to make herself an integral part of the show by conspiring to set up Carole with her friend Nick. Even though this gets her screen time, I suspect LuAnn regrets trying to play matchmaker for Carole, who seems to turn into a giggling, possibly drunken lunatic when exposed to available testosterone. I'm talking too much, am I talking too much, I'm nervous! Did you know women don't orgasm, like, ever? Heheheheheheee!

At first Nick seems to find this charming, and then not so much. The only thing that would make this worse would be for Carole to talk about her love for collecting melted plastic baby dolls or how she speaks in tongues when she eats raisins. Carole is usually so pithy, I just have no idea why she crumbles in the presence of a moderately cute guy, but she may want to throw in the towel on this one and try again on another victim.

Also striking out is Ramona, who meets Kristen bearing yellow roses and apologies. Kristen is not impressed. She thinks Ramona needs professional help for her anger issues, which prompts Ramona to admit she just finds Kristen unpalatable. I'm not sure if there's a group therapy meeting with such a narrow focus — maybe “How to Deal with Women Who Can't Close Their Mouths” — but Ramona isn't interested in finding it anyway. I think it's pretty clear Kristen and Ramona will never be friends. But if Josh ever drives Kristen to drink, she may want to reconsider. A free bottle of Ramona pinot should smooth over everything.

Do you think Kristen is being unreasonable? Do you think any of the intervention got through to Ramona? Do you think Carole will ever find love? 

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