Watching a lot of reality TV can take its toll on us in weird ways. Whether you”re one of those people who confesses to a camera every time your roommate forgets to do the dishes or someone feels the urge to start a war every time you see a cupcake, its effect on our collective subconscious is undeniable. For me, the consequence of too much Bravo and TLC comes out whenever I I find myself in an uncomfortable situation and wish I could deliver a good elimination catchphrase to put an immediate end to the experience. Cut to commercial and we”re out! But alas, I live in the real world and not on “The Real World,” so my fantasies of being a Heidi Klum with Donald Trump’s body must remain simply fantasies. But if I were a more brazen gal, here are 10 reality show kick-off phrases I”d keep in my arsenal, ranked in order of the most horrible to the most wonderful thing to hear on a date.
10. “I”m sorry, you have been chopped.” (Chopped)
Although losing a limb does make a good bad date story, it probably isn”t worth the pain and the inconvenience – unless, of course, you”ve got an important dinner party coming up.
9. “Take off your jacket and leave Hell”s Kitchen.” (Hell”s Kitchen)
Yet still better than, “Put your pants back on and leave Williamsburg.”
8. “I’m sorry. You”ve both been eliminated from the race.” (The Amazing Race)
Like, the human race? Maybe that means you get to be a squirrel!
7. “The Tribe has spoken. It”s time for you to go.” (Survivor)
I feel like this would only be said at a Burning Man party, which is already a sign you’re on a horrible date.
6. “You”re fired!” (The Apprentice)
“You can”t fire me, I quit! Um, can we go Dutch on the check?”
5. “You will not be the next Iron Chef.” (The Next Iron Chef)
This is a pretty disappointing thing to hear even if you don”t have culinary aspirations.
4. “Please pack your knives and go.” (Top Chef)
A rejection, sure, but at least this means you have the upper hand as the one who brought a set of knives along on a date!
3. “Now, sashay away.” (RuPaul”s Drag Race)
“Unless you”d prefer to do the Macarena into my heart.”
2. “Auf Wiedersen.” (Project Runway)
Lucky you, getting to spend an evening with an adorable German. Don”t forget to steal a küssen before you go!
1. “You are not the biggest loser.” (The Biggest Loser)
Oh man – you’re getting a second date for sure!