Welcome to Reality TV Roundup — a quick look at some of the reality TV-centric stories that have recently popped up across the fine, old Interwebs. Click away, my couch potato friends. But before you do…?
SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! One more time: SPOILER ALERT. If you watch “Survivor,” “The Voice,” “Project Runway,” “Celebrity Apprentice” or any other competition shows, the latest elimination for each show is probably revealed in the text below. The hope is that, if you missed this week’s program and would rather clear out your DVR than watch the episode, you can get a quick hit here. But don’t come crying to me if you find out something you didn’t want to know. You’ve been warned. Also note: lots of non-competition reality info lurks below, too.
COMPETITION REALITY SHOWS
SURVIVOR
When even Jeff Probst is stunned by your team’s stupidity, you’re making the wrong move. Just a thought, guys.
Monica feels pretty ticked off at Colton for betraying her. And the jerk called her Mom-ica.
FASHION STAR
Jessica Simpson mentoring designers? Sorry, but I wouldn’t take advice from someone who thought canned tuna was made out of chicken no matter how much money she makes from licensing her name and sitting on her ass.
THE AMAZING RACE
Could it be? Brachel wasn’t the most irritating couple this week!
Some “Amazing Race” competitors made our list of most insane reality TV stars. Shocking, it’s true.
Check out Cindy and Ernie’s wedding album. It’s good to win “TAR”!
THE VOICE
The battle rounds come down to performance and good looks. Yeah, not so much about the voice anymore.
Cee-Lo Green gets a mummy makeover. Animated, of course.
DANCING WITH THE STARS
Jack Wagner is already a winner, having formed a relationship with the daughter he didn’t know he had.
THE BACHELOR
Widdle Baybee Courtney isn’t joining the cast of “Dancing with the Stars.” Which is good, since you can’t vote against people.
Ben says he’s going to take it slow with Widdle Baybee Courtney. And get a haircut. Good for him.
AMERICAN IDOL
Hear Haley Reinhart’s first single here.
The top eleven results show sends Shannon Magrane home.
The finalists sing songs from the year they were born, succeeding in making almost everyone feel old.
Jermaine Jones is sent home for lying, but the producers try to do it classy-like.
Jennifer Lopez’s manager hates that she dates obsessive, creepy guys. Except for her current boyfriend, of course.
PROJECT RUNWAY ALL STARS
Lifetime screws with viewers with a boring, fashion-free half-finale.
NON-COMPETITION REALITY TV SHOWS
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY
Alexis pretty much says she’s no longer friends with Gretchen. Can’t these women just get along?
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA
With most of the women entirely screamed out, it’s up to Cynthia, Mal and Peter to bitch at one another.
Kim explains why she fired Sweetie and why she didn’t go to Cynthia’s anniversary party.
MISC.
“Teen Mom” stars will have to get real jobs, as original cast is punted to the curb.
Adam Carolla says “Celebrity Apprentice” is deceptively edited. No!
Snooki’s glad to be pregnant, because she can now be a MILF! Um, actually, no.
Giuliana Rancic says cancer hasn’t changed her — she’s still shallow. Her words, people!