Recap: ‘America’s Next Top Model’ – ‘Dive Deeper’

11.05.09 8 years ago

The CW

Welcome to episode No. 9 of Cycle 13 of “America’s Next Top Model,” in which Erin must get out of the way of her own megableached brooding eyebrows of fate and despair, or else she so goes home! We’re down to the final five, Erin, and Nicole is on the rise. She has left behind the fetus personality and, over this season, she’s shown the world she can model.

[Full recap of Wednesday (Nov. 4) night’s “America’s Next Top Model” after the break…]

Nicole has also shown she has compassion, unlike Erin. Nicole speaks sweetly to Sundai, who grew up in an orphanage, which may explain why she photographs like a refugee from Boys Town. Yes. I just wrote that.

Hoo-ee! It’s Laura’s birthday y’all! Fry up them eggs and Spam in a skillet and let’s all square dance til our highwaters are done torn! The birthday celebration is cut short by the first challenge o’ the week. The girls all go back out to the sea, and supermodel Marisa Miller is there. She has a big announcement! She’s Marisa Miller! American supermodel! And she’s only five eight! Squeeee!

Everybody gets into their bikinis and Marisa proceeds to, um, model for the girls on the sand. There are about six women in front of the camera right now, but I suspect everyone behind it is a guy who is not getting regular lady action. My theory is advanced by the next scene, when the girls are instructed to get wet and roll in the sand as if they had been dreaming of thrashing about in hot silicon since the day they were born.

The girls also have to learn how to model while showering.

“Don’t touch your boobs,” Marisa tells Laura. An entire editing room full of dudes just broke down in tears.

Nigel then meets the ladies at the top of the beach cliff. That trampling sound you hear is all the guys in the editing room leaving. The next photo shoot challenge: The girls all must model while in a bikini, being sexy and falling off the cliff into the water. Laura goes first and survives. Erin is a hot mess until she hits the cool water. Then it’s Nicole’s turn to drop; she turns the wrong way! Oh, snap! Jennifer feels like she’s peeing her pants, even though there are no pants, but does fine. And Sundai does some sort of sideways face plant, but it’s a graceful face plant. Nigel looks mildly, Britishly concerned.

The winner of this challenge gets a $5,000 chocolate pearl necklace, plus extra frames for her photo shoot. In fact every girl will get extra frames for the next photo shoot — except for one. Each girl will get to pick the next girl to get the extra frames until … there … is … one … girl … left … out! Nicole wins the challenge, and chooses Sundai to get extra frames. Laura is picked next, followed by Jennifer. Erin is left with no extra frames. 

“She can be a little brat and she gets on people’s nerves,” Nicole explains. How quickly we forget Bianca.

Back to Laura’s birthday bash y’all! Erin overcompensates into the cupcake frosting. There are like eight cakes and three million cupcakes, because everyone is 12 years old and weighs three pounds. 

The next shoot will take the girls underwater. They will each get breathing apparatus, but must put it away once the clicking starts. The whole thing makes Sundai pretty squirrelly, and Laura suddenly realizes there aren’t many oceans back home in Kentucky. She starts hyperventilating under the sea, but she eventually calms herself down, serene creature of the Kentucy bluegrass like she is. In the end, Mr. Jay praises her film.

Nicole is up next; she gets over the whole lack of air thing fairly quickly. Mr. Jay is once again liberal with the praise. Jennifer does OK, but she’s literally skimming the surface. Her second round is better. Sundai’s asthma problem keeps her close to the surface of the water as well. The photographer is not impressed, and Mr. Jay basically calls Sundai out as making excuses. Erin also will not go deep into the water, and once again, the photographer ain’t likin’ it.

Panel is at hand. Marisa has abandoned the bikini for a dress — sorry to all the guys in the editing room. Sundai looks very long in her photo, but her face is lost. Laura does so-so.  Jennifer presents a stunning photo that Nigel loves. Challenge winner Nicole looks like she is dancing under the water. Nigel simply doesn’t understand Erin’s shot. Tyra disagrees; she likes the shot, but doesn’t like that Erin’s face isn’t all that clear. Unfairly, the judges now tell Erin she goes too far in her modeling and she needs to do less. Just a few episodes ago those same judges were complaining that Erin needs to break out of old patterns. I’m paying attention, people! In fact I have noticed that no one has used the word “smize” this week. You’re welcome, Tyra. You can send my consulting fee to my home office.

The callout: Jennifer, Nicole, Laura. Sundai and Erin are in the bottom two. Sundai had twice the number of photo frames, but her shots blew, and the judges don’t like her excuses. Erin, meantime, has gotten weaker and weaker.  

Still, Erin is allowed to stay, by, as Tyra puts it, “a hair.” Sundai’s elimination sends the rest of the contestants spiraling into tears. Tyra spins Sundai some ham-handed crap about being a role model for foster kids and sends her on her way. I’ve been hard on Sundai, but here she goes out with a strength and grace that belies her tiny-ass garden gnome frame. It’s Sundai’s day of rest, but I sense she’ll be back.

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