Recap: ‘America’s Next Top Model’ – ‘Hawaiian Hip Hop’

11.12.09 8 years ago

The CW

Erin is still here — in the bottom four, actually, by the skin of her skinny teeth. Being in the final four is like, soooo weeeeird for Nicole, the childhood nickname “Bloody Eye” apparently falling into the category of, like, booo-ring. 

“Jen,” Nicole intones, looking at the winning photo from last week, “I am obsessed with your leg muscles!”

“I know, they’re like, insane a little bit,” Jennifer replies.

Like, I know, right!?

[Full recap of Wednesday (Nov. 11) night’s “America’s Next Top Model,” with results, after the break…]

First challenge of the day: The girls all go to the beach, where a bunch of apparently harmless hula girls soon break out into hip hop moves. This challenge is all about telling a story with your body as a model of course, not about making Nicole look hopeless and white, but we get to see plenty of both. Each girl will get her own hip hop hula solo to communicate the, like, story of her whole life! It’s really insane a little bit. I have no idea what the hula move is for “castrating a bull,” but for Laura’s sake, I hope it exists. Erin gets all bossy and tries to use her mad cred as a cheerleader to teach Nicole how to move around.

“I don’t know if Nicole knows how awkward she is,” Erin tells the camera. Something tells me she does. Could be every single one of Nicole’s trips to the confessional, but let me get back to you on that.

Miss J. is here to watch the girls dance. The challenge winner gets to come back to Maui with a friend — for a five-day, free stay at the Four Seasons. That’s more than insane a little bit.

Jennifer goes first. She does OK, talking about love and determination and happiness or something with her body. Erin’s story is about being all sad before becoming strong. She just comes across as angry to Miss J. In other words, it’s official: She can do no right.

Laura’s body moves are all about big dreams, y’all, and she sure can dip low. Miss J seems to like it. As for Nicole, no one is worried about her winning the challenge. And that’s fine, because she’s probably going to win the whole thing. Just saying. Mr. J gets up there and makes fun of Nicole’s moves, which comes across as all kinds of mean. “What were you doing?” Miss J demands. Trying to be a professional during this ridiculous challenge, that’s what.

The challenge winner: Laura. She doesn’t even know what kind of hotel the Four Seasons is; Jennifer has to clue her in. Jennifer explains that celebrities stay at Four Seasons hotels. “Shut up!” Laura gawps.

Now comes the final photo shoot as the final four before it becomes the final three. It all seems so final! The girls will all have to channel the destructive fire goddess Pele, while sitting on volcanic rocks, with the waves exploding behind them. And speaking of destruction, big announcement from Mr. Jay: Two girls, not one, are going home after all this.

“Don’t let that freak you out too much,” Mr. Jay says, which is reality show code for, please, seriously, freak out.

Poor Jennifer brings ideas to the (water) table, but the photographer is meh about them.  She also insists on standing on her toes before giving up and standing flat footed. Nicole is told to smize; Tyra just earned another 20 bucks. Nicole wobbles in the beginning. But in the end, “Nicole delivered a campaign worthy image,” Mr. Jay raves. 

Laura flops on the rocks too. At least she does it while looking like Rachel Hunter, but the photographer doesn’t seem to see that. Laura starts to panic, but at least she looks good while panicking.

“Did you drink last night?” Mr. Jay asks. “It looked a little boozy.”

And here comes Erin. She comes off as mean at first, but then she sings herself a little song in her head, and everyone gets happy.

“I am scared out of my pants,” Jennifer confesses back at the house. (What is up with Jennifer and pants? Peeing in pants, scared out of pants … what if you have to model a skirt, Jennifer? What then? Oooh. Served.)

Panel time! Looks like the girls are going to compete in a Julia Clancy fashion show next week, but until then, here comes Erin and her best shot.

“Wonderful, beautiful,” Nigel raves.

However, Tyra thinks Erin lucked out in her shot, and that her film overall looked sleepy.

Jennifer has a meh shot; “You forget your face, Jennifer,” Tyra says. 

“Very Rachel Hunter,” Tyra notes of Laura’s best shot. Gee, that’s … new. To me, Rachel comes across as startled in the photo Tyra chose, but that’s only according to me; everyone else loves it. “I always thought you were the gold tooth in a mouth full of decay,” Miss J says. No one seems to know what that means, but apparently it has something to do with Laura being not that impressive in person, but then turning on and delivering at the right moment.

Nicole’s shot shows vulnerability and mystery that the panel mostly likes; Nigel doesn’t like the body pose, but everyone else just loves the unexpected positioning. 

The callout: Nicole. And, well, that’s it. Whoever comes next, it’s like sudden death for the other two. And the other finalist: Laura. Jennifer and Erin are sent home. Erin calls the decision “like a punch in the face,” but let’s be honest. She doesn’t need Tyra. She’ll be on “Top Models in Action” next season, for sure. 

So will Jennifer, probably. “It’s like ripping my heart out,” she says of her elimination. Now, now, Jennifer. That’s insane a little bit.

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