I knew something was off about “America’s Next Top Model” Cycle 13. There’s a mom in the competition, but she isn’t whining and crying about missing her baaayyy-bee. Wow. How refreshing and respectable and … cannot … compute ….
Instead Rae prefers to compete in a hair-thrashing competition with Nicole, who — awwwwww — is coming out of her shell. Bye bye, fetus girl, hello, high-fashion contender!
[Full recap of Wednesday (Oct 21) night’s “America’s Next Top Model” after the break…]
Laura apparently has a problem bigger than her swamp-hick accent: she’s dyslexic. I’ll give you one guess why that’s important this episode.
The girls are brought to the set of TV show The Insider. Their first challenge of the week: Learning how to do an interview or handle hosting skills. Each girl must do a mock interview with a dude. Rae and some of the others do poorly, but not as completely terribly as Nicole, who is flummoxed when the first bitchy comment is lobbed at her. Nice glasses, though.
Ann Shoket arrives next, with a kinda big announcement: The girls will each be assigned two minutes of interviewing time with 90210 actress Jessica Lowndes. A teleprompter will be involved. And oh, will you look at that! Laura is dyslexic! Oh nooooes.
Making matters worse: the producers blank out the teleprompter halfway through each interview. Sundai interrupts too much. Jennifer powers through. And then: Poor Laura. A total disaster. She dies completely and even lets out an expletive, and it ain’t “shucks” or “lawdy lawdy.”
Erin busts and barely blinks her bleached eyelashes when the prompter goes blank, but Brittany looks like a robot. Rae’s big sin? Not sitting up straight and, even worse, being boring. Ouch. As for Nicole, she comes off as a dingbat; she asks the actress if she’s ever had kids — something any gossip reporter should know before the talent even shows up on set.
The reward for winning this challenge is appearing in a Seventeen magazine beauty shoot. Erin wins and picks Jennifer and Rae to come with her to the shoot. It’s a very smiley shoot, perhaps because it’s such a ball, being 17.
Big, wrapped prezzies show up at the front door of the ANTM house. And inside is big news: It’s Cover Girl commercial time — with the added twist that each girl much write her own script. Because when Drew Barrymore did that Cover Girl mascara commercial? She totally wrote that herself.
At the challenge, Teyona arrives. That’s the girl who won last season, in case you forgot. Which, admit it, you did.
Nicole is up first. She looks gorgeous, and after a few false starts, she pulls through surprisingly well. Sundai needs to dial down the pep. (Nigel Barker calls it “amateur.”)
Jennifer seems a little cheeky, but Nigel loves her “natural charm.” Laura comes onto set determined to try a little method actin’ to get her through it, but it largely doesn’t work. Her personality barely saves her from failing miserably, y’all.
Breaking news! Holy moly! Brittany is no lady, baby! She’s a femmebot! She invaded the Cover Girl set, and, OMG, it was all, terminnnaate!
Rae, that fairy queen of the still photo, showed no personality at all, not even that of a automaton. Erin, that self-described “winner,” trips up big time. So much for a contender. She breaks down and cries so hard that the makeup team is brought in at least three times, and even Nigel’s most Britishy Brit accent can’t calm or charm her.
Looks like panel is gonna be brutal for a certain pair of bleached brows.
Kim Kardashian is the guest judge this week. She checks out Jennifer’s best take, and proclaims it “natural and relatable.” Laura stumbles in her best take, and she explains that she’s dyslexic, which impresses the hell out of everybody.
Brittany is up next. Kardashian calls her out for appearing too scripted. Nicole, however, does fine, especially because she stretched out her neck, which is important for short people.
Rae is horrific; Sundai looks like a drunk car salesman. And hi, Erin, let’s talk about your — good lord, stop. Crying. Stop. It. Damn, child, show some dignity. We won’t even go into that hot mess that passes for your best take. Nice bouffant with the hair, though.
After the obligatory mention of the trademarked “smize,” the panel announces its lineup.
The callout: Jennifer, Nicole, Brittany, Sundai, Laura. That leaves Rae and Erin in the bottom two.
Rae gets a verbal whuppin’ for not being born with a personality. Bad model! Bad! Erin, though she takes some of the best shots in the competition, just really needs to slap herself and pull herself together!
Erin is given another chance, while Rae, despite her ethereal visage, is sent flitting home. Fly, fairy, fly. We’ll see you on an upcoming edition of Top Models in Action!
Did Erin deserve a second chance or should she have been sent home for messing up her makeup so many times?