Recap: ‘America’s Next Top Model’ – ‘Petite Ninja Warriors’

10.15.09 8 years ago

The CW

Cue the faux hard rap music! “Top Model” is SO ON, b****es! Last week, someone-I-dunno got eliminated — that’s how scintillating and unforgettable she was — and this week, the girls all get to do their obligatory wirework shoot. Now taking bets on who can’t deal with heights.

And who will rise up as the next queen of cattiness, now that Bianca has been toppled.

“She has the social graces of a fetus,” Kara hisses about Nicole.

Well, there’s that, then.

[Full recap of Wednesday (Oct. 14) night’s “America’s Next Top Model” after the break…]

For the first challenge, the girls go to Wilhemina models. A short model called Lauren Shiohama appears and apparently can’t offer up instructions without a team of writers and some cue cards. Eventually we learn that the contestants have arrived at their go-see challenge — for both print and TV, this time. They will compete in teams of two, armed with nothing but a map and, well, their own car, but stilllll. So harrrrrrd.

First stop for Kara and Brittany: media whore jeweler Neil Lane. Their car cuts off Rae and Sundai, but the douche move doesn’t pay off, at least, not for one member of the team. Neil doesn’t like Kara because her ears are not pierced — major no-no. But Brittany — I’m gonna say it! — shines in the jewelry and Neil loves her. Sundai and Rae are left waiting outside Neil’s door, but once they arrive, dorky Sundai underwhelms. She doesn’t seem that comfortable in bling.

Nicole and Laura hit an ad agency. Hey, what do you know? Someone loves the fetus personality! Nicole does great, while hickish Laura bombs doing some sort of gangsta line reading. Brittany and Kara die during their ad agency reading as well. Sundai continues to show the world exactly how big of a dweeb she is, while Rae offers her best Minnesotan accent.

Jennifer and Erin do well in their first go-see — or, rather, Erin does. Jennifer is wearing too much makeup. They do better at another designer, Trina Turk. When Brittany’s two-person team arrives, she comes off as rude with Trina, while Kara’s big sin is her scruffiness and lack of grooming. Trina loves Rae and thinks Sundai photographs taller than she is.

Of course any good ANTM fan knows that one cannot be late back at Wilhemina. Most of the teams arrive in time — except Sundai and Rae. 

The Wilhemina dude reams out Sundai and Rae and does a great job of appearing angry. The challenge winner gets a piece of clothing or jewelry from each designer they saw, plus a role in a nationally televised commercial. And the winner: Fetus! Congrats, Nicole! Prance around in all your pretty dresses and jewels while the other girls bitch and say catty things in their cheap-ass clothes.

Finally, we have arrived at the wirework challenge, this time with a Hong Kong warrior princess vibe. Half of the girls’ shots will be on the ground, half in the air, with the two shots blended somehow in the final image. Each girl also gets to choose her weapon. Does bitchness count?

Nicole is up first, wielding a long sword. The shoot gets a lot of “nice, nice” from Mr. Jay both when she’s on the ground and in the air.

Jennifer chooses a pair of stabby things. Again, Mr. Jay is pleased. Erin does even better, flipping and flipping like a flying elf. 

Laura, using some nunchakus, looks lovely. While Kara is in makeup, an apparently newly cocky Nicole remarks on her rival’s makeup, saying it makes her face look “burnt.” The criticism seems to work; Kara’s shoot is a total failure. She can’t even remember which way to turn her wrists. 

Brittany is up next. Not the most graceful girl, that. But she somehow manages to make it work on film. Rae does meh; she has a light about her in person, but not in pictures. 

Even worse: Sundai. Mr. Jay hates everything, calling her remedial. Ouch. Cannot wait to see that hot mess in panel.

And here it is! Panel! Jessica White, a model, is the guest judge.

Jennifer’s photo, up first, embodies power and energy. Rae’s is, predictably, meh. Another pretty OK performance? Brittany.  Erin’s photo shows her upside down, and yet, she looks totally relaxed. 

Now comes Kara, looking uncomfortable and ready for a long nap. Tyra’s advice? Smize, of course. Was wondering when that was gonna come up.

Laura seems to be a rising contender; she looks anything but country in her shots. Sundai’s composite shot shows her in essentially the same pose, three times. 

Nicole and her shots please the judges, but they note that she — well, has the personality of a fetus, just not in those words.

Callout: Nicole, Laura, Brittany, Erin, Jennifer, Rae. Bottom two: Kara and Sundai.

Kara is sent packing. Sundai will get another chance to show some variety — and that unforgettable dork chic.

Thoughts on the judges’ choice? And on the girls remaining?

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