We’re off to San Diego for another day of auditions. If you’re still watching, that is. In other news, the New York Giants are going to the Super Bowl. Now, let’s get to the really important stuff — singing!
10:58 p.m. EST Today’s auditions will be like no other… because they will take place on the U.S.S. Midway in San Diego. That’s nice, I guess, although I’d think an aircraft carrier and its crew has more important work to do than hosting 10,000 people and a TV show.
11:02 p.m. Steven Tyler informs Jennifer Diley that it’s against the law to be so cute. Because she’s wearing a tube top and Daisy Dukes, which looks more hoochie than cute, if you ask me, but it’s a hit with the male judges. Still, Steven thinks her voice lacks the fire of her outfit. J. Lo doesn’t care about her outfit — her voice is pretty crap. And no, she doesn’t get a yellow ticket. Steven may have eaten her up with his eyes, but that didn’t make him deaf.
11:07 p.m. Single mom Ashley Robles works a lot of jobs and sings “On the Floor” to her kid. She auditions with “I WIll Always Love You,” which seems like a mistake as everyone and their dog has run with this song, but she doesn’t just belt it out. She adds an element of funk to it that’s a very welcome update. Nice! Steven declares that she’s going to be big. It’s three big yeses and a yellow ticket. Her daughter’s excited, since she’s going to be her backup dancer. I see even more heartwarming backstory ahead!
11:12 p.m. Jerah Gibson is not really a philosopher, though his ideas are sound enough. Don’t have a B plan, or you won’t achieve your first plan. Jerah is ALL in. He wants to write songs as well as perform. And honestly, the little bit of his song that he wrote for Jennifer Lopez (she didn’t know he wrote it for her, but he sings a bit of it) and his audition are both pretty damn good. Randy thinks he’s ready to make records. Jennifer wants to see him perform more melodic songs. Either way, he’s going to Hollywood.
11:14 p.m. A montage of yellow tickets. One problem with auditions on the U.S.S. Midway? Low ceilings and lots of jumping up and down. Just a thought.
11:19 p.m. Aubree Dieckmeyer is so excited to be a singer on “America’s Next Top Model”! Or something! I hope she can sing. Actually, her voice seems a little thin, but Jennifer thought she had a sweetness. Randy thought she lacked power in the upper range, but her runs connected and he liked her. Steven liked the flavor in her voice, even though her voice was a little thin. Three yeses. I’m guessing they don’t know she thought she was on “America’s Next Top Model.”
11:25 p.m. Ali Shields was a guest interviewer on “Ellen” and kissed Usher. Her experience on that show inspired her to try out for “American Idol.” She’s so excited to meet Steven! Is she angling for a kiss? Don’t do it, Ali, you could catch something! He doesn’t take the bait, though, as I’m sure the producers have informed him no touching allowed. She’s going to rap. And ghetto dance. She sings a little Corinne Bailey Rae, and Randy likes her. All three of the judges like her. She’s just crazy enough to make it. I thought her voice didn’t really lend itself to pop, but she was distinctive, so I’d like to hear more. But hopefully we’re done with the kissing.
11:32 p.m. Day two! Steven can’t wait to hear 40 people sing the same Adele song for six bleeping hours.
11:34 p.m. Berkeley student and frat boy Kyle Crews likes to serenade every woman he sees. And he is entranced by Jennifer’s lips. So, “AI” wants you to think he’s an under or oversexed frat boy, I guess. He sings “Angel of Mine,” dedicates it to Jennifer (suck up) and actually has a pretty damn good voice. I bet that serenading move actually works. Steven tells him he just flipped out. Randy and Steven both want him to lose the ugly checked shirt. I’d also recommend a haircut. But yeah, he could win this thing. Going to Hollywood.
11:41 p.m. Allison Childers performs — and then gets interrupted by a ship’s horn. Nice. Did anyone really think about the aircraft carrier being, oh, I don’t know, LOUD? But this serves the purpose of drowning out Steven’s fouler language. Oh, and his farting.
11:43 p.m. Waitress and mom and… daughter of Jim Carrey, Jane Carrey, is up next. She has to work as a waitress? But she wants to prove herself without relying on her name. Noble, but girlfriend, nepotism is the way of Hollywood! Take advantage! Funny, she looks a lot like Miley Cyrus, really. Jennifer Lopez is feeling old, because she remembers her being a baby on “In Living Color.” She sings “Something to Talk About.” Jennifer thinks she needs to connect with her audience, and Steven wants her to work on her volume. But still, three yeses. She’s going to Hollywood! Where she might actually live! She calls her dad, and he says “Yay!” and some other happy things, of course.
11:51 p.m. Our last contestant waits to howl at the moon. He goes by Wolf but his name is Jason Hamlin. He’s a mechanic on a golf course. I did not realize there was so much machinery involved in keeping a golf course running. Go figure! He wants to play the git-fiddle his father made him. His dad died in 2010 and he wants to do this for him. I hope he can sing. He tells Ryan every woman he knows told him to kiss him, and Ryan is relieved he isn’t going to. I predict Johnny Cash 2.0. He sings “Midnight Special.” Lovely voice, this guy will do great things with country stuff. Steven asks him to perform something else, and he lets him play his git-fiddle. And lo and behold, he performs a Johnny Cash song. It’s not everything I hoped it would be, only because his voice lacks Cash’s lower register. Still, he belts it out admirably. Three yeses. A werewolf in Hollywood!
11:56 p.m. Steven gives Ryan a kiss on the cheek. Aw, shucks. Fifty-three people are going to Hollywood. Not bad, San Diego.
See anyone you liked? Were you surprised to see Jim Carrey’s daughter? And do you think Wolf has what it takes?