It’s time for another unpredictable Thursday night on “American Idol.”
Last week, I think I mentioned all four of the eliminated contestants as being “In Danger,” but when it came to actually predicting, I may have gone 0-4. It wouldn’t be at all surprising if this week’s results were just as flummoxing.
Click through for all of the minute-by-minute excitement and tedium of Thursday’s (March 4) “American Idol”…
8:01 p.m. Thursday’s episode begins with an almost hilariously bombastic montage of our Top 20 and the ordeals they’ve gone through this week. Are they “Idol” contenders or Marines?
8:01 p.m. “Drama is about to unfold on this stage…” teases Ryan Seacrest. “Ready?” I guess I’ve got to be, don’t I?
8:02 p.m. There were 27 million votes cast this week. But who cares about that when we have Danny Gokey to look forward to? There should be a ticking clock in the lower right corner, “24”-style, to let me know when Danny Gokey’s coming.
8:03 p.m. Simon says he watched the show last night and regretted some of the positive comments they made to one singer last night. Hmmm… Who do we think that was? For example, I liked Katelyn Epperly last night, but would I ever want to listen to that performance again? Or is he talking about Michelle Delamor, who strangled a furry animal at the end of her song, with nary a peep from the judges?
8:04 p.m. I wasn’t sure if lip-synching was happening on last Thursday’s Group Sing, but this rendition of “I Gotta Feeling” couldn’t be more canned. But at least they’re all in (relatively) perfect tune and (relatively) nailing the rhythm. There’s also more choreography than we can usually expect at this point in the competition. Is this Our Most Agile Top 20 ever?
8:06 p.m. Lilly Scott is capable of being kinda cute when she wants to be. Who knew? And, as ever, we’re just happy to see Crystal Bowersox upright.
8:10 p.m. Last week we eliminated a lady first, so the guys are endangered tonight. Up first is dreamy moppet Tim Urban. Tim can’t sing, but he sure is dreamy. He’s safe. Todrick Hall can sing, but his Tina Turner cover didn’t give any real evidence of that musicality. Ryan puts Todrick in suspense and moves on to Big Mike Lynche, who got wildly overpraised by the judges on Tuesday. Not only did he get a standing ovation from Randy, but he got America’s Love. Big Mike is safe. Casey James, or “Bucky Covington with Better Teeth,” is also too dreamy to be in danger this early. That leaves Todrick standing next to John Park. Since these were the two I predicted to head home, I’m guaranteed to be half-wrong.
8:13 p.m. Randy says that these two are in trouble because “they lost the plot.”
8:14 p.m. The first person eliminated tonight is… John Park. He lasted one more week than Paul Kim, but the Asian Male Glass Ceiling remains largely intact, [Anoop broke through the Southeast Asian Glass Ceiling last season, but there are multiple ceilings of glass.] John has no regrets. Nor do I. I think that voice-wise, John is going out a week (or maybe even two) too early, but it’s not a real tragedy.
8:15 p.m. As I look at the bottom row, Jermaine Sellers sure looks like the obvious choice to go home. That would be a well-deserved dismissal.
8:20 p.m. We’re moving right on to more results. Lee Dewyze got Tuesday’s best reviews and he’s safe to swap facial hair secrets with Danny Gokey. Aaron Kelly got mixed notices on Tuesday, but he’s a long way from being forsaken by the American people. He’s safe. I actually though Alex Lambert gave Tuesday’s best male performance and America agrees with me, at least in theory.
8:22 p.m. That leaves two. Jermaine and Andrew Garcia. Although Andrew was pretty poor on Tuesday, it would be a surprise if America forgot about his version of “Straight Up” that quickly. If Jermaine survives, it’s a sight of the nation’s love for bow-ties and onesies.
8:23 p.m. Ryan asks Ellen if she’s frustrated that one of these two will go home. She says she’s “sad and despondent and listful.” She did say “listful,” right? Not listless?
8:24 p.m. Andrew is safe. Whew. Jermaine Sellers is, deservedly, tonight’s second eliminated man. Jermaine says that he was just doing his thing and God has his own plan, adding “In God, there’s no failure.”
8:26 p.m. Oh good. Our second time through Jermaine’s confusingly relaxed any smiley version of “What’s Goin’ On.” Grinning aside, Jermaine is significantly better tonight. I’m not saying he wouldn’t have gone home if he’d performed like this on Tuesday, but perhaps I wouldn’t be so gleeful to see him go.
8:32 p.m. Danny Gokey has a new single. It’s called, “My Best Days Are Ahead Of Me.” It’s possibly the most generic song I’ve heard in my entire life. But he doesn’t sing it badly. Really, every lyric of the song is a cliche. It’s almost impressive. Ooops. Just got to the end of the song and I’m gonna take back the part about him not singing. Those aren’t the notes, Danny.
8:35 p.m. Danny Gokey misses us all. He even misses Ellen, who he’d never met before tonight. He plug his website and reminds us of his personal tragedy all in one breath, a spectacularly Gokeyian move.
8:42 p.m. Time to pick on the ladies, starting with Lilly, my second favorite lady on Wednesday. Lilly’s safe. Paige Miles, she of the terrific voice we still haven’t heard. America remains tantalized by Paige’s potential. Katie Stevens knows how to proposition men in six languages and she’ll live to kiss another day.
8:44 p.m. That leaves Didi Benami and Michelle Delamor.
8:44 p.m. Ryan puts Kara on the spot. Kara singles Michelle out for being worse on TV than she was in the room last night. You mean that horrible last note no judge mentioned?
8:45 p.m. Didi is safe. Michelle Delamor is tonight’s first eliminated woman.
8:45 p.m. Well, this is your chance, Didi. If you don’t bring a guitar on stage next week, I’m sending you home myself. I don’t know how I’m going to do that, but I’ll try. Oh, I’m just kidding. I love you, Didi! Unless you sing without a guitar next week.
8:46 p.m. Michelle is gracious.
8:48 p.m. Michelle couldn’t sing the last note of that song last night and she can’t sing it tonight. That probably means she couldn’t sing it in rehearsals. And that means somebody on the show’s music team ought to have either fixed the arrangement or strongly encouraged her to find a different song.
8:50 p.m. The bottom row suggests either Lacey Brown or Haeley Vaughn will be out next.
8:53 p.m. Katelyn’s sleepily strong version of “The Scientist” allows her to experiment for another week. Crystal Bowersox rose from her hospital bed to blow da roof off da joint. You think she’s going home? Be serious. Crystal’s family is a little goofy. We may want to keep them off-camera in the future, eh? Also safe? The adorably awkward Siobhan Magnus.
8:54 p.m. As expected, we’re down to Haeley and Lacey. I believe these were the two I predicted would be going home this week. So it’s not a big loss, either way.
8:55 p.m. Simon says it’s very obvious who’s going home. But he doesn’t clarify.
8:55 p.m. Lacey is safe. Haeley Vaughn is the night’s final eliminated contestant. Haeley vows to go back to school and “learn.” The stage manager is strangely eager to end this show.
8:58 p.m. Farewell to Haeley, Michelle, Jermaine and John. Throw in Jose and Ashley last week and it’s impressive how the most diverse season in “American Idol” history is suddenly looking a good deal less diverse.
8:59 p.m. That being said, although this isn’t my ideal Bottom Four, there’s nobody going home this week who I wouldn’t have expected to last beyond next week. None of these four (Michelle being the only possible exception) was really Top 12 material, so this week or next week? No biggie.
9:00 p.m. Wow, Haeley. This rendition of “The Climb” isn’t going to make anybody miss you, particularly.
9:01 p.m. OK. I’m off to a PaleyFest panel for “Dexter.” Catch you later, boys and girls…
So what’d you think, America? Did the right people go home?