I don’t have a clue who’s going home on Thursday (May 9) night’s “American Idol.” Not a clue.
I do, however, know that Alicia Keys is performing. So she gets to be my picture for what promises to be the most drama-filled “American Idol” results show since I missed last week’s “American Idol” results show.
I just hope she doesn’t perform “Girl on Fire.”
Click through and find out who received the fewest votes between Kree Harrison, Candice Glover and Angie Miller…
8:01 p.m. ET. Oh good. First, “American Idol” is whoring for “Epic.”
8:02 p.m. I look forward to “Idol” totally ignoring Randy Jackson’s “Yo, yo, yo” press release announcement that he’s leaving before the show can fire him. Then again, I guess the other three judges are ignoring their impending releases as well, at least Randy jumped before he could be pushed out.
8:03 p.m. AWESOME. “Later we’re going to be revealing who is leaving our show,” Ryan says, leaning over Randy’s chair as The Dawg squirms. “Maybe a head’s up?” Ryan adds, smirking at Randy. OK. That was fantastic. I mock Ryan Seacrest sometimes, but that was darned good.
8:05 p.m. The Top 3 Women sound just fine together. But I’m still being happy with Ryan busting Randy’s chops.
8:07 p.m. That was as close Ryan could have come to saying, “Randy, grow up and be a professional” without just saying it. And I appreciate it.
8:08 p.m. “Idol” fans get to choose what car the “Idol” winner gets. I bet they’re praying for “The cheapest option available.” Might I suggest the new Ford Hooptie?
8:09 p.m. This week’s Ford Mission sent the contestants to a school choir. Much better than car soccer.
8:10 p.m. Let’s recap last night’s show. Or something. Hopefully we’ll get to hear Jimmy say the exact same thing he said last night when he recapped each round of performances. Yes, Jimmy, we know that you gave Angie the first round, even if you’re disappointed that Angie didn’t play the piano.
8:17 p.m. Jessica Sanchez in the house. She already performed once this season, but she’s on “Glee” tonight.
8:18 p.m. Mike is also in the house. He isn’t famous, but Ryan shakes his hand anyway, probably because he didn’t announce his departure in a glib statement to E! earlier today.
8:18 p.m. Since we saw her last, Lauren Alaina has discovered bronzer.
8:20 p.m. Lauren co-wrote her new single, “Barefoot and Buckwild.” She observes, “If people don’t like the song, it’s a third my fault.” It’s also at least somewhat Miranda Lambert’s fault, because large chunks have been stolen rather shamelessly from “Gunpowder & Lead.” I’m not sure if this is more or less derivative than the Mumford & Sons knockoff Lee DeWyze debuted a couple weeks ago.
8:23 p.m. Lauren, sporting pink highlights, has turned 18 and she’s graduating from high school. Good for her.
8:27 p.m. “American Idol” auditions are coming. They start on July 16 in San Francisco. Online auditions will open next Thursday after the finale.
8:28 p.m. This is one of the most poorly structured results shows ever. Now we’re recapping Round 2. We already know that Jimmy gave this one to Kree. And guess what? He’s gonna have given Round 3 to Candice.
8:31 p.m. Mariah brought the Top 3 into the studio with her to learn about making videos or something. She teaches them to be protective of their images. And now… Let’s watch the video for “Beautiful.” It’s Mariah riding a motorcycle with Miguel and it’s hilarious that this seems to be what Mariah thinks of as a rough-and-tumble, less-polished version of her image.
8:38 p.m. Adam Lambert didn’t get to perform this season. But “Idol” still loves him, or at least gives him the chance to present a glowing clip package. He’s in Singapore, which explains why he isn’t in Los Angeles.
8:40 p.m. Alicia Keys will be performing “Tears Always Win,” which isn’t “Girl on Fire,” so I’m pleased.
8:44 p.m. That was better than “Girl on Fire.”
8:48 p.m. BLAH. “Almost there,” Ryan says helpfully, as if he knows this is pulling teeth. OK. I’m getting sick of Jimmy. I used to be a big fan. Y’all know that. But if the house is being cleared, he needs to go too. And yes, Jimmy thinks Candice won Round 3. “If she goes home, I’m going with her,” Jimmy says.
8:51 p.m. The girls agree they love each other.
8:51 p.m. Our first Finalist, in no particular order, is… Candice Glover. The judges are pleased. And I’m not displeased in any way.
8:55 p.m. So Candice has earned her deserved Top 2 slot.
8:56 p.m. Who will join her? It’s… Kree Harrison. Wow. That’s… not right, but so it goes.
8:57 p.m. Angie Miller is going home and I honestly think she’ll be just fine. But still. Angie cries as she watches herself cry.
8:58 p.m. Kree had the country audience boost and she had one of the most dynamite Home Visit edits in “idol” history. Anyway, No dislike for Kree at all.
8:59 p.m. Angie cries through her exit song. It’s kinda hard to watch. The odd part is that she doesn’t seem “sad” per se. She just seems too full of emotion to get the words out.
Thoughts on the results? Can anybody beat Kree?