It seems like a good night for a Judges’ Save, doesn’t it?
I could be wrong, but I’ve got a feeling.
Otherwise, it’s going to be a full hour just to watch Casey James [Remember him?] and bid farewell to Lazaro Arbos, which would almost be anti-climactic, wouldn’t it?
Click through for the full “Idol” Thursday (April 4) adventure…
8:00 p.m. ET. Highlights from last night are presented to Jimi’s “All Along the Watchtower.” They also suggest last night’s show was better than it actually was. Highlights are funny that way, aren’t there?
8:02 p.m. Over 25 million votes came in last night. That is, once again, not all that many. It sounds like a lot. But it is not.
8:03 p.m. More Queen for tonight’s Group Lip Synch. They’re collectively curious if anybody will be able to find them somebody to love. The most amusing part of the group performance is Angie Miller’s constant awareness of the presence of the camera. The second most amusing part is the decision to give Candice Glover a massive, showcase glory-note and Kree Harrison’s background pleasure at hearing Candice wail.
8:08 p.m. This week’s “Ford Fiesta Mission” is to create looks inspired by their own musical icons. Seriously? Is this “America’s Next Top Model”? This is horrible. I wish they were doing the “music videos” again. SMIZE! SMIZE!
8:10 p.m. Time for Jimmy’s recap. He begins by saying that most people picked the wrong songs last night. “He got it all wrong. He gave rock a bad name,” Jimmy says of Burnell, accusing him of not studying. Ouch. “To me, I felt like I was at a wedding,” Jimmy says of Angie and Lazaro’s ill-fated Queen duet. Jimmy says Kree picked the right song and despite her pinched nerve, she sang with dignity. Jimmy thinks Candice blew Burnell away in their duet, suggesting until he does his homework, he shouldn’t sing with her again. Jimmy calls Janelle’s performance “competent” and says she finished fourth. Well, OK. Jimmy didn’t like Lazaro’s Queen solo as much as the judges. “His voice is just not ready yet,” Jimmy says, putting Lazaro either at the bottom or out. Jimmy also wasn’t a fan of the trio, but he raves about Amber’s holey jeans. Jimmy felt that Candice needed a song with more melody than “Satisfaction” offers, but he still figures she’s in the Top 3. “Amber’s improving every week,” says Jimmy, who suggests that Amber’s legs are even getting longer. Jimmy calls Amber’s performance “magnificent” and “beautiful” and other hyperbole. Jimmy’s Top 3 is Amber, Angie and Kree. And he says that Lazaro is the only person who can go home if America gets it right.
8:22 p.m. “Remember this dude?” Ryan Seacrest says of Casey James. Oh right. Kara Dioguardi. She used to be on “American Idol.” That happened. She made Casey strip. It was a thing. He’s singing an original called “The Good Life.” The song is… a good opportunity to check in on the Red Sox and Yankees.
8:24 p.m. Sigh. 3-0 Yankees. I guess I’ll listen to some more generic roots-country-rock from Casey. It’s not offensive.
8:27 p.m. Casey brought gifts for the contestants. He says it’s nothing big and just something to remind them of home. Because “Idol” cuts away before we can see what he got for them, I’m just gonna assume that whatever it was, it SUCKED. Socks with state flags from their home states, maybe?
8:30 p.m. Still no actual results.
8:30 p.m. The Judges selected their Top 3. Kree, Amber and Angie are Keith’s Top 3. He says it was difficult to choose. Nicki selected Angie, Amber and Kree. Nicki says she didn’t know this was going to be televised and then explains she chose women who would sell. And Randy also chooses Amber, Kree and Angie. Wow. Poor Candice. She got triply hosed. Whew. Candice makes Mariah’s Top 3 along with Amber and Kree. “They basically bound and gagged me in my trailer,” Mariah says. Cough. Cough. Ummm… OK, Mariah.
8:33 p.m. Kree is the first person in the Top 3.
8:34 p.m. Angie is the second person in the Top 3.
8:34 p.m. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Lazaro Arbos is the final person in the Top 3. Oh, America. You so silly.
8:36 p.m. So. Here comes The Save!
8:39 p.m. I remember Carrie Underwood!
8:44 p.m. “It’s kinda weird. A little bit of both, actually,” Carrie says when Ryan asks if her “Idol” experience seems like yesterday or like ages ago. It has been eight years. “You are the dream come true for all of them,” Ryan tells her on behalf of the contestants.
8:45 p.m. Wait. No presents from Carrie? Is that why we didn’t see Casey’s presents? Because they didn’t want gift-less Carrie to be upstaged?
8:50 p.m. Back to results!
8:50 p.m. Candice Glover is safe. That doesn’t mean she’s in fourth, but she’s safe. Candice limps across the stage to the stools.
8:50 p.m. Amber is safe, meaning that the choice comes down to Janelle and Burnell.
8:51 p.m. Nicki says that even if he goes home, “Idol” changed Burnell’s life. And Nicki doesn’t think Janelle is going home. She tells them both that this is a win, even if it technically isn’t a win.
8:55 p.m. Mariah Carey has no tangible words of inspiration.
8:55 p.m. The person at risk of elimination is… BURNELL. And of course he is. “Burnell, you’re gonna kill it,” Janelle tells him.
8:55 p.m. Y’all who read me know that I predicted Burnell was going to be in this position 10 minutes into Wednesday’s show. That’s just what happens when you made a very bad song choice and America loves Lazaro.
8:56 p.m. I don’t know what the judges are supposed to do. They don’t want to lose Burnell, but if Lazaro is getting Top 3 votes, they could lose somebody even better next week. It’s really dangerous.
8:57 p.m. “Unfortunately, we’re not gonna use it,” Randy says. Poor Burnell. I genuinely believe that they would have Saved Burnell if Lazaro hadn’t been in the Top 3. There’s just too much risk suddenly, because they now have reason to suspect they’re going to need to protect a girl next week. And I can’t blame them for that preference.
8:59 p.m. So Burnell Taylor becomes the fourth consecutive “Idol” male eliminated this season. He was the class of the “Idol” men and I’m sad to see him go.