Recap: ‘America’s Next Top Model’ – ‘Alek Wek’

03.03.11 7 years ago

The CW

Sexsational: It”s the “werq” of 2011, ladies! And it”s also the word that the judges have used to describe Molly, the first panel winner. Poor Nicole, meanwhile needs to get her youth on; she”s been told by the panel that she photographs 15 years too old. Ouch! But will Tyra pay for her laser peel?

[Full recap of Wednesday’s (March 2) “America’s Next Top Model” after the break…]

Oh my God! Ondrei, aka Li”l Oluchi, has a very heartbreaking past: Two of her brothers died under unnatural circumstances.

“I know it”s been a couple months or whatever,” Monique meows, “but at the same time like, I wouldn”t expect someone to still be here.”

Tyra arrives in saffron chef gear, (“How are zee baybeeez?”) accessorized by Heather, her nutritionist, but, sadly, not a French vocal coach. The girls are strapped into blindfolds and asked to guess which of two tasty dishes is the healthier. Surprise! Meatballs FTW!

Raw chicken is sitting in the fridge, and it like needs to get out of the girls” faces like right now.

Alexandria”s chicken, it turns out. Dalya lectures Alexandria about how to properly store chicken.

“I”m 21! I know how to do things!” Alexandria replies.

Southern magnolia Jaclyn is terrified of all things Alexandria after that. So am I, but it”s because, in the confessional booth, Alexandria looks *20* years older than she is.


“Tomorrow you will face your worst critic,” it says. Which means, of course, the contestants themselves. Sexy Nigel meets the girls in Burbank and tells them they”re going to need to learn to perform. Filthy thoughts ensue.

There is also an acting coach named Eugene. He introduces the girls to their “inner critic.”

“I have an inner critic I guess when I”m PMSing a lot, because I feel like I”m fat,” Monique volunteers. “But besides that I”m a pretty confident person.”

Molly tears up appropriately after being asked about her adoptive parents.

The girls are given 10 minutes to work with easels and draw pictures of their inner critics. Because we all know that”s totally how Kate Moss got started. Each girl must then face the easel monster, backed by the thespian stylings of Eugene.

“Why isn”t anything I do good enough for you?” Nicole mewls.

“People tell you your voice is too high,” Jaclyn bawls.

But it”s Li”l Oluchi who makes the rest of the girls break down into fresh tears as she relives the death of her two brothers.

“It”s not fair,” Ondrei cries. And it”s authentically heartbreaking.

The takeaway from all this?

“It”s your humanity that makes you beautiful,” Nigel purrs.

But what if you”re humanity is photographing 15 years too old?

Anyway. After all that, the girls are given free earrings.

“We all deserve it because we all went through heck,” Jaclyn declares.

The stress has taken its toll on Ondrei, who gets on the blower with her extremely lucky boyfriend for support.

The girls arrive the next day at Smashbox Studios. For their photo shoot, the girls will be posing with live bees. And just to make sure the bees stick around, the girls must wear jewelry drenched in pheromones drenched in bee crack.

Monique manages to draw a “stunning” from Mr. Jay. Kasia is freaked out but impresses the photographer. Awkward Sarah doesn”t seem to be taking direction well. Nicole”s eyes look too sleepy during the shoot, drawing the critique of “lackluster” from Mr. Jay. Dalya”s eyes also struggles with the smizing.

Mikaela does fine. Monique disappears into her own shoulders, but at least there are no bees in there.

Hannah, she of the champion winged eyeliner, is a sobbing mess, irritating Monique, especially because Mr. Jay actually likes the tears. Ambitious Alexandria is eager to show off. And competitive Molly is trying too hard to give intensity, at least, at first.

Jaclyn earns a “really pretty.” Ondrei can”t seem to show the world how gorgeous she is; blame the stupid easel, because I do.

And the consummate pro at the shoot? Brittani of the Trailer Park, she who did so well in her bubble in the previous episode. As pretty as Li”l Oluchi is, it”s rapidly becoming clear that Brittani is the one to beat thus far.

Panel time. And holy crap, it”s Alek Wek, a genuine bona fide supermodel! She”ll be the guest judge today. Anything is better than Eugene and his Easel of Doom.

Ondrei is up first.

And holy crap, she quits.

Tyra understands. But she still will eliminate another girl if Li”l Oluchi”s photo isn”t the worst.

Kasia”s photo impresses greatly. Mikaela and her eyebrows look great in panel, and so does her photo. Unfortunately, this was the only decent photo. Ditto with Monique, who delivers a decent photo, but not great film. Brittani? Very strong. She looks like she”s being paid to model already.

Jaclyn delivers a nice profile, but her hands distract. Dalya”s eyes are closed in her photo, mostly because all the others aren”t good. Alexandria comes off like the bossy ice queen she is, and Wek likes it.

“It”s like bam! It”s full on,” Wek raves.

Sara? Blah. She doesn”t own the awkward the way last cycle”s winner, Ann, did. Molly is neither here nor there. Nicole still looks old, gurl!

“I need you to think newborn baby!” Tyra declares.

Hannah and her tears show up next.

“Oh you poor thing,” Nigel gushes. Andre Leon Talley also accepts the photo into his presence.

Monique”s photo is so good that Andre is left babbling something about old Shanghai.

“You put this in your salon,” Andre says.

“Andre, I don”t *have* a salon,” Tyra scolds.

So who goes home?

The callout: Hannah, Brittani, Monique, Mikaela, Kasia, Dominique, Sara, Alexandria, Jaclyn, Molly.

The bottom two: Nicole and Dalya. Nicole is reminded — again — that she photographs like a codger. Dalya gets to stay. Nicole is sent home to seek out the Olay aisle at the drugstore.

Next week: Sara loses her rat tail, for it is makeover time.

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