Recap: ‘America’s Next Top Model’ – ‘Patricia Field’

09.23.10 7 years ago

The CW

Anamaria has been sent home, where, one would hope, several cheeseburgers are waiting for her in one big stack. Meantime, we”ve moved on — already! — to the makeover show for this cycle. (Scissors. Scissors! Runnnnn!)

[Full recap of Wednesday’s (Sept. 22) “America’s Next Top Model” after the break…]

Sara has a baby that she named Caiden (?) and leaving him behind was like, soooooo hard. Sarah is also suffering from a several case of ordinariness of the face. Everybody is just sitting around contemplating this when Tyra arrives in a jaunty menswear ensemble and asks for a tour of the house she”s rented. She also announces that it”s makeover time. We don”t know exactly what”s coming just yet. Tyra just hints at her plans — including, wha? They”re going to widen the gap in Chelsey”s teeth? Seriously? Please, people, let”s just focus on hair.  
Before Tyra leaves, she shows how models used to walk — in 1991.
Lexie, whose competitive streak is as transparent as a pair of lucite stripper shoes, pulls a prank on the rest of the house, leaking a fake makeover memo. Lexie even goes so far as to seem shocked at her own planned “makeover,” bursting into crocodile tears. It”s all just hilarious. 
To, you know, Lexie. (“It was a great success,” she proclaims.)
The girls are brought to the Fred Segal salon for their makeover transformations. Ann gets a ton of very pretty reddish hair. It”s gorgeous. Liz gets chopped; she thinks she looks like a man, baby. But she pulls herself together in time for her post-makeover shoot. 
Yes, Chelsey gets the gap in her teeth widened, and — let”s not confuse this — her hair whitened. As for Sara: Bye-bye ordinary. Her new dark hair and pale brows evoke Evangeline Lilly, not that she acts any less pedestrian. Kendal gets very long hair. 
Holy crap: Kayla gets a full-on Leeloo Dallas Multipass bright red coif put on her head. But it”s 100 percent high-fash, and Kayla is a real model, and she knows to embrace it. Terra gets her hair chopped, and her misery radiates in her shoot. Sister Chris gets gorgeous wavy extensions and rocks ’em. Ditto with Rhianna.
Now comes Esther, whose hair looks very not different at all — unlike Jane, who goes lighter. 
As for Kacey: Finally! She gets contacts! And finally, Lexie: She does not get the orange afro that was threatened in her fake memo. She does appear to get more hair, but no more personality, and the Jays are underwhelmed in her post-makeover shoot.
Right after the makeover comes a surprise elimination: miserable Terra is sent packing. That also means that the sisters are separated, and only Chris remains to compete. 
TyraMail! The mail indicates some sort of height-related challenge. Photographer Anne Menke meets the girls on a beach and indicates that the girls will pose as angels falling into the sky. They will be up on a crazy jerry-rig, and they will be posing with guys posing as mortal men.
Kayla is a lesbian and doesn”t want a lot of touching and groping. 
Esther tries to portray a “fearless” angel, but it takes her a while to get there. Eventually she manages to pull out at least one usable shot.
Liz cannot stop complaining even as she hovers over a gorgeous beach in the California sun. Also falling under the pain in the ass category: Lexie, who just needs to leave. That”s not me; that”s the photographer talking. In her catch-all Euro accent, she declares that Lexie should not be a model, and it is a glorious moment.
Kayla manages to sell herself as a straight girl for a few hours, enough to satisfy Mr. Jay. 
Sara once again fails miserably in ways so boring they do not merit the time it would take to describe.
Kacey flirts with her chosen man before her shoot, and even chases after him once he tries to leave. (And, might put it, SHE HAS A BF YO!!!!!!!!!)
Jane, Chris and Chelsey all impress the judges, and Ann continues to show that she”s not just a freak, but rather a very promising freak in the world of fashion.
Panel time!
Guest judge: Patricia Field, stylist for Sex and the City.
Dreckitude. Dreckitude!
Kendal: Meh. Chris: Meh. Liz: Meh. But Andre thinks it”s a good start. Chelsey does fine. Esther, poor Esther, has no range and looks a little lost. Ditto with Jane, who doesn”t seem to know what “scorned” really means.
Kacey is also flat in her effort to do a “fearless” angel. Lexie and Sara are zeros. 
Rhianna gives the judges a little bit of intrigue. Kayla delivers also, somewhat.
Finally, here comes Ann! And she kills! On film, anyway. In person, she still needs a bit of a backbone.
The callout: Ann, Kayla, Chelsey and Chris, followed by Rhianna, Liz, Jane, Kacey, Kendal, Esther.
Bottom two: Lexie and Sara. 
Lexie gets dressed down for having no personality. Sara gets ripped for mistaking her job for that of a ballet dancer. Lexie gets to stay, even though she, as Tyra puts it, “gave us dead-itorial.”
Sara vows to keep Tyra”s makeover and maybe go find a job. 
Next week: Oh, man. Who brought the eel?

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