Recap: Another couple bites the dust on ‘Dancing with the Stars’ in the 5th elimination

10.19.11 6 years ago


It’s time for another elimination, and I have to say that I’m glad I didn’t put money on this season (not that I ever do), as it’s been one of the weirdest as far as the logic of who is staying and who is going. Chynna’s out, Chaz is in, north is south, up is down — I might as well try to wrap my head around tax law or the CW’s program schedule. Anyway, let’s get on with what is usually a long, drawn out night that rarely ends the way anyone expects it to.

We start things off with a dance performance set to the most lackluster renditions of “Like A Virgin” and “Like A Prayer” performed outside of an off-strip Las Vegas piano bar. But, as you might expect, the dancing is very, very good. 

Tom wants Len to talk about the season. Spin plates until the commercial break, Len! Len tells us that this season is crazy, as Kristin and Chynna were cut so early. You can’t moan if you don’t vote! Well, at least he speaks the truth.

Amazingly, it’s time to get some business done (this is an elimination show, right? Or are we watching “The Chew”? I forget). Ricki and Derek are on the block joined by Maks and Hope. Ricki seemed to have handled her botched dance a lot better than Hope handled her critique. She’s not sure if she can do this anymore! Of course, Maks is completely irritated by this blatant plea for a hug and walks away. Oh, Maks, you’re so rough around the edges in a strangely compelling way. The first couple saved is… Ricki and Derek. Hope and Maks are… in jeopardy. 

Backstage, the guys are roped into talking to Brooke. David is floating on a cloud because Len finally accepted him. Rob’s ex-girlfriends all called him to complain that he’d never been as sexy with them as he was in his dance with Cheryl. That was sexy? Really? His poor ex-girlfriends. Sorry, but I absolutely refuse to drink the pro-Rob Kool-Aid that the judges are chugging. 

In a canned segment, the stars talk about their partners. Mostly, they like them.

Kelly Clarkson performs “Mr. Know It All.” That dress is, unfortunately, not hiding a multitude of sins. But she does look very grown-up. Nice hair. Tom chats with her after her performance. Kelly Clarkson would do “DWTS” if she could dance like the pros. Yes, that’s the only thing holding her back. I’m hoping she is more interested in singing and has an active tour schedule, but sure, if she’s just not doing the show out of insecurity, that’s fine, too.

It’s time for the AT&T Spotlight Performance, which tells a personal, heartwarming story about a dancer. What is this, “America’s Got Talent”? Anyway, Charm Ladonna grew up in Compton. She cries in the interview, her mom cries in the interview. She auditioned for Madonna and got the job, then used to money to pay for her college education. Now she volunteers at her elementary school. Okay, our hearts are warmed, let’s see some dancing. She dances with Mark and Derek. Her mother said she cries whenever her daughter dances. Charm is very good, as Madonna doesn’t hire dead weight, and is this still an elimination show? Anyone? 

The band Perry performs. It’s a song about dying young. I think that’s no longer an option for anyone watching this show, because it’s dragging ON and ON and ON and if you were young at the beginning, you aren’t young anymore. 

Three more couples on the block! Finally! Rob and Cheryl, J.R. and Karina, and David and Kym; the three highest scoring couples. The next couple safe is… J.R. and Karina. David and Kym are… in jeopardy. Rob and Cheryl are… safe. UGH. Why? Why? Why?

Kelly Clarkson performs “Walk Away.” 

The lowest scoring couples – Nancy and Tristan, Chaz and Lacey, and Carson and Anna – are next up. Nancy looks nervous. Chaz looks nervous. Carson looks like he’s just having a good time. The next couple coming back is… Chaz and Lacey. I am truly amazed by this guy’s voter base, because that has to be the only thing keeping him on the show. And maybe some Star Wars fans who really dig Ewoks. Nancy and Tristan… are safe? Really? Carson and Anna are in jeopardy. 

The final three! The next couple safe is… David and Kym. That leaves Hope and Maks and Carson and Anna. The couple getting auf’ed is…Carson and Anna. 

Carson does not look surprised or sad. He had a great time. He learned how to dance. He isn’t a geeky junior high school kid anymore. Carson was a lot of fun, but I have to admit, he’d probably gone about as far as he could have gone. So, this week people didn’t vote for the lowest rated performance, but I have no faith that that logic is going to hold. It’s anyone’s game at this point.

Do you think it was Carson’s time to go? Are you surprised Nancy and Rob are still on the show? Do you like the music performances on elimination night or would you prefer the show be cut to a half-hour?

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