Recap ‘Big Brother’: Kalia puts two more players on the block

08.08.11 6 years ago 15 Comments


So, Jeff and Jordan are in danger, Kalia’s HOH and Rachel is in mourning. It’s upside down world! But I have to admit this — as annoying as Rachel is, as gross as Brenchel (Brachel, Beezlebub, whatever) can be, I still wanted Brendon to stay in the house last week. Maybe familiarity has just worn be down, maybe I just like car wreck TV, but as childish and bratty as Rachel could be and as utterly co-dependant as Brendon could be, I’m rooting for the veterans (okay, not so sure about Rachel, but she serves a purpose). This season more than any other, I see Rachel’s point about floaters, and the newbies are definitely floating down a lazy river toward the half million dollar prize. 

Kalia, who seemingly just woke up and won HOH, screams, cries and generally acts as if HOH is a wedding proposal from a wealthy prince or the Nobel Peace Prize. To put it lightly, she is a little hysterical about actually winning something. It’s so exciting to be HOH! 
Porsche, who seems to be only slightly smarter than a bag of hair, finds herself under scrutiny by Jeff and Jordan after she “accidentally” puts Jeff up against Shelly during the HOH challenge. Jeff and Jordan are sure she’s now aligning with the newbies, but I’m not convinced. Porsche really might be that stupid. 
Kalia is still SO EXCITED about being HOH she must stomp around the supply room talking to herself and gesturing toward the cameras. Her family must be so proud.
Kalia’s whole hella lot of crazy isn’t over yet! She sobs like a crazy person over her HOH room. Jeff compares it to crying at a funeral. I was thinking more along the lines of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” but okay. 
Kalie and Daniele plot. Daniele is just so tickled to 1) have an ally and 2) have an ally whom she can manipulate so easily. I keep expecting Daniele to start rubbing her hands together, twirling an imaginary mustache while cackling MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Rachel tries to strike a deal with Kalia, who seems to accept the idea graciously until Rachel leaves the room, at which point Kalia cracks wise about humble pie. Oh, Kalia, I wouldn’t be so cocky just yet. 
Shelly bonds with Kalia over both of them being strong black women. Or something. Shelly’s main contribution to the game at this point is bonding. And flip flopping. Who knows, it might take her far. 
The Have/Have Not competition revolves around drinking crap concocted by the opposite team. The Blue team is made up of Jordan, Jeff, Rachel and Shelly. Everyone makes disgusting drinks with three ingredients, like spray cheese, sauerkraut and jalapenos. Jeff wins against Lawon in a chug off when they both correctly guess the same number of ingredients. Then, Shelly goes up against Porshe. Porsche doesn’t know what onions taste like. Yes, she said that. Porsche DOESN’T KNOW WHAT ONIONS TASTE LIKE. Is that even possible? 
Anyway, Shelly messes up and loses to Porsche, even after Jeff SUGGESTS one of the correct ingredients without even having tasted it. Jeff and Jordan want to kill Shelly and I don’t blame them. Jordan and Daniele have a chug off…. and Daniele wins. Man, when Daniele gets back in the game, she gets back in the game.
Jordan cries because she feels terrible that she let down her team. Jeff is sad that Jordan is sad. I’m sad that Jeff and Jordan are sad. And Jordan is not cheered knowing that she can eat coconuts and catfish along with her slop, because Jordan hates fish. She isn’t sure if you eat coconuts or drink coconuts. Okay, Porsche and Jordan may have more in common than I thought.
Kalia and Shelly talk game. Shelly suggests Kalia and Daniele go to the end together. Kalia seems to think this is a swell idea. Of course, we know that Shelly really wants to go to the end with Jeff and Jordan, but I think Shelly will just be happy to go with anyone who offers to take her to the dance, not unlike a sad, chubby kid with a bad perm in seventh grade. I bet Shelly would say the same thing to Rachel. Even if it made her feel a little sick. 
Jeff and Jordan take their turn talking to Kalia. Kalia explains she has NO intention of sending them home and LOVES them so much, but she’s putting Jeff on the block. Jordan is pissed, because Jordan isn’t stupid. She knows that if Jeff wins the veto, she’ll be the next on the block, and pawns don’t always survive. Jordan points out that Kalia should put up dead weight, as they could come back into the game thanks to the new twist and Kalia would be better off ticking off a weak player instead of a strong one. Good point, really. Jeff yells at Kalia and tells her he’s gunning for her. I’m glad Jeff and Jordan aren’t taking this lying down, though it may come back to haunt them. But come on, Kalia, you didn’t really think they’d just be fine with your little plan, did you?
Kalia is shaken by Jeff’s anger. She could be digging her own grave. Yes, yes you could, Kalia. Listen to Jeff! 
Nomination ceremony!
First person safe is… Adam
Second person safe is… Porsche
Third person safe is… Daniele.
Fourth person safe is… Jordan.
Fifth person safe is… Lawon. 
Sixth person safe is Shelly. 
The last week has been hell for Kalia, she says. But she’s her own person! She makes her own decisions! It’s very important that everyone knows she’s not a puppet. Yeah, not buying it, as I can see Daniele’s lips moving when Kalia talks. But Kalia’s going to jump, grow wings and fly on the way down. Or just be an idiot. I wish Kalia would stop thinking she’s making a high school graduation commencement speech and just calm down.
So, Jeff will be fighting for his life, and I suspect Rachel’s getting the boot. But things can always change on “Big Brother.” 
Do you think Rachel will go home? Do you think Evel Dick is right about Daniele’s game or is she positioned to win it? Who do you think will win HOH next week?

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