I’m still reeling from Wednesday night’s bizarre interactions between Danielle & Shane and The Fierce Five.
Nobody had a clue who anybody was, but they were all so darned pleased to be meeting.
And I’m also reeling from Danielle’s Head of Household win, as she continues to Forrest Gump her way deeper and deeper into the game.
On the assumption that Danielle’s going to protect her in-game boyfriend Shane, we’re about to lose one of the two people who actually deserve to win “Big Brother” this season.
Click through to see how the drama — Julie Chen’s been tweeting big promises — unfolds…
9:00 p.m. ET. Just live-blogged “The X Factor.” Now on to this. I’m a live-blogging fool!
9:03 p.m. Julie Chen, shoulders covered, welcomes us and tells us that inside the “Big Brother” House, it’s Day 69. Tee-hee. Danielle’s wearing her “I’m smart” glasses, a tactic which also works well for Britney Spears on “X Factor.”
9:03 p.m. We flash back to yesterday’s elimination of Jenn. The Quack Pack is overjoyed and Dan is Tebowing. Has he done that every week and I’ve just missed it? Ian thinks that it’s down to The Renegades and The Couple. “We’ve gotta start eating our own ducks,” Dan observes, wisely. As we already know, Danielle captured HoH on a “Price is Right” technicality. She’s happy. Very happy. Ian, however, knows that everything comes down to the Final Three. Shane things Ian is doomed. Shane has Final 3 deals with everyone and nobody knows it. Dan has Final 3 deals with everybody and nobody knows it.
9:07 p.m. Dan tells Danielle to put him up with Ian. He even gives her the speech. Will she listen? “I could be signing a check to someone else,” Danielle says of her nomination decision and its ramifications. She only has one key and it belongs to Shane. She apologizes, but only casually. “Strategically I felt like it was the smart move to save Shane,” Danielle says, observing that it broke her heart to nominate Dan. With the Veto coming, Dan isn’t worried about winning, insisting that he’s still got more rabbits to pull out of more hats. Or something to that effect.
9:09 p.m. The Jury House is going to EXPLODE! I kinda hope that isn’t hyperbole. I kinda fear that is hyperbole.
9:13 p.m. Off to the Jury House, starting with two weeks ago. Ashley was having a relaxing time meditating and blowing bubbles. It’s “very Zen.” She’s filling out a dream board in preparation of the arrival of the next bootee, rooting for Frank to win and for Dan to arrive at the Jury House soon. Instead, Britney arrives and compliments Ashley on her tan. Britney, hair switching from ironed to frizzy, tells Ashley the story of Dan’s Funeral and they do girlie things while waiting for their next friend to arrive. It’s Frank! Ashley’s got mixed feelings. She wanted Frank to win, but she also wants to make out with Frank. Ashley and Britney are adorably happy with Ian’s success, if you want an indication of how Jury votes might eventually go. Frank’s bitter at Dan’s lying and when Britney protests that it’s part of the game, shouting begins. Ashley’s in the middle with crickets chirping in her head. Screaming Tomato Joe is the next to arrive and the Jury members are perplexingly happy to see him. I still don’t know if Joe is a good chef. We’ve been getting mixed messages. Anyway, Joe enters yelling and soon, everybody is yelling, because sangria makes people yell. And Joe makes people yell. Britney’s completely in the right, lecturing Frank on gameplay, while Frank is self-righteous. Britney’s hypothetical friendly game, “Susie High-Horse,” sounds fun. Anyway, they yell at each other. Frank is loud and drunk and rude. Excellent. I hope people are watching this before they vote Frank whatever the equivalent of America’s Player is. Frank had no clue how to play “Big Brother,” which is why Frank lost at “Big Brother.” Rewarding him because he has adorably floppy hair and won a bunch of random challenges is silly.
9:23 p.m. It’s time for The Most Important Power of Veto Competition of the Summer.
9:24 p.m. “It looks like chemistry,” Ian says, walking into the backyard. They have a molecule puzzle featuring clues and pictures of former hamsters. Surely Ian’s unbeatable at this, right? They all quack and start the game. All of the participants claim to have strategies, but Ian finishes first. Shockingly, he’s wrong! He’s wrong in several ways and he begins a growling meltdown. Shane finishes. Wrong. Ian finishes two more times, wrong each time. Danielle and Dan are both wrong for the first times. Ian is getting closer and also biting his fingernails off. And then… Shocker! Danielle is right! I take back every mean thing I said about adorable Danielle’s “Big Brother” run. She’s a powerhouse. A bubble-headed powerhouse. Ian recognizes that he may be doomed. Dan is psyched and suggests he might even be able to convince Danielle to use the Veto on him. If that happens, I’ll take back everything I said about taking back everything I said about Danielle.
9:34 p.m. Who is really in control in this game? That’s what Julie Chen and I both want to know. Ian’s rocking back and forth in ADHD resignation. Dan initially seems miserable, but he goes up to the HoH room and he and Danielle exchange a big hug. “I beat him at his own game,” Danielle says. “What are you going to do?” Dan asks. “What do you want me to do?” Danielle asks. Sigh. She seems willing to use the Veto on him, though she tells Dan that if he doesn’t take her to the Final Two, she’d castrate him “with a butter knife.” She tries explaining to Shane that even if Dan comes down and he goes up, Ian will be going home. She tickles and kisses him as they celebrate romantically. Or… something.
9:37 p.m. “Are we in for another blindside?” Julie asks, salivating.
9:45 p.m. We’re live in the living room. Ian makes his case first. “Outrageous fun, outrageous summer,” Ian says and references his time in the dog suit and… whatever. Dan references his football coaching and his three books. He’s planning to write his fourth book about what coaches can learn from their players, all about Danielle. Oy. What will Danielle do? She decides to… USE THE POWER ON DAN. Shane shuffles over to the Hot Seat.
9:47 p.m. More last-second pleas? “I did not expect to be sitting here,” Shane lies. He thanks CBS and “Big Brother.” Shane tells Ian to remain confident. He tells Danielle that she’s a sweetheart. He hopes Dan will appreciate his respect. Or something. “I’m really shocked that that just happened,” Ian says, somewhat more convincingly.
9:49 p.m. Dan casts his vote. He says that he’s up to his elbows in blood. He says that the people in the jury told him he’d only have one chance to break something in the House up… And he votes to evict Shane. And Danielle’s jaw hits the floor. Oh, Dan. Making Danielle cry again. Everybody in the house is hyperventilating, especially Ian. “Why do you continuously lie to me?” Danielle asks. Dan tries insisting that he did what he did for her. He goes through the people in the Jury House trying to convince her that she’s got the votes to win. Danielle would be flummoxed if she knew what “flummoxed” meant. “I looked at Shane and I swore to him… I swore to him that Dan wouldn’t do that to you,” Danielle cries.
9:52 p.m. “It’s a tough situation,” Shane says. He can’t quite process what Dan’s last words were to him. He’s shell-shocked and doesn’t even remember saying good-bye to Danielle. “When I shake someone’s hand and I look them in the eye, I take that as consideration of the same thing,” Shane says, calling Dan “a dirty player” and getting applause from the crowd. “There could be, absolutely,” Shane says of the potential for post-show romance.
9:54 p.m. So Danielle, Ian and Dan are the Final Three. Not to take anything away from the game Dan has orchestrated — he’s moved the pieces around the chessboard as well as humanly possible given his position — but given the tone of the Jury, can Dan win? Does that mean that either Ian or Danielle would be right to take Dan to the Finals? Or will cooler heads eventually prevail and would Dan beat Danielle? I don’t think Dan could beat Ian. Presumably Dan knows that as well, right? Anyway… Just thinking out loud.
9:59 p.m. Back in the House, Dan is still trying to sway Danielle. Ian is still pacing. Danielle is still agog.
What do you make of what just went down?