Well, it’s Tuesday night, and that means it’s elimination night. And presidential debate night, in case you’re on the East Coast and were planning to watch something else on network television after “Dancing with the Stars.” Or hey, you could watch the debates, too. It’s a free country.
First up, Bristol & Mark, Kelly & Val, Sabrina & Louis, Shawn & Derek are on the block. The package is pretty zippy, but we do get at least one intriguing moment. We see Val kiss Kelly on the sternum before they go on stage. Okay, this has to be dating, right? Or they are just the absolute best of friends.
The first couple safe is… Shawn & Derek. They will be back to dance to Shawn’s guilty pleasure song. And Donny Osmond will be coming back to the dance floor to sing with Susan Boyle.
After a commercial break, of course.
Next, Brooke talks to Kelly & Val. Paula loved your routine, she tells them. Oh, and you’re safe. Bristol & Mark, however, are in jeopardy. Huh. Why do I doubt that?
Next, we have Sabrina & Louis, who have been in the bottom two — but hey, go figure, they’re safe!
Time for Carson Kressley to intro his package about being a free-range alumnus. First stop, make-up trailer. He adds some bronzer to Gilles’ chest. He watches the show from the wings. “It was way better than ‘Cats,'” he says. It’s cute, but I’d still prefer this show to be a half-hour sometimes.
It’s a Macy’s Heavily Branded dance routine featuring Christina Grimmie singing “Titanium” by David Guetta as the Legion of Extraordinary Dancers dances. Although I could have sworn Tom Bergeron told us it was going to be a different song. These are the drawbacks of watching the show on a tiny computer screen with tinny sound.
More couples on the block, but first, a hard-hitting interview with Brooke Burke Charvet. Emmit Smith reveals his choice for a guilty pleasure song — “Copacabana” by Barry Manilow, which may be a guilty pleasure but strikes me as a great, fun dance song, at least for this show. Brooke asks Apolo if he’ll be sad to be sent home this week. Guess what? He will be, but he’s very gentlemanly about it for Karina’s sake. My computer glitches, so if he reveals his guilty pleasure song, I don’t hear it. Gilles says he’ll be dancing to “I Will Always Love You,” which shocks Brooke, not because he likes it, but because he considers it a guilty pleasure. Well, yeah, Whitney Houston ballads don’t strike his fellow martial arts students as all that manly.
So, Emmit & Cheryl, Gilles & Peta and Apolo & Karina are on the block. Gilles is… safe, of course. Last night he was pretty spectacular, really, so I couldn’t imagine him going home. Emmitt is also safe, which means Apolo is…in jeopardy. You can tell Karina feels terribly guilty about this, so I hope they don’t go home for no other reason than she’d never get over the guilt.
Before we do the last mini-round of cuts (there are only two couples left), Cheryl performs a group mambo with Tito Puente playing drums in the background. It is, of course, very good. Apparently the pros will be taking turns dancing a routine that’s very special to them each week.
Our last two couples are Melissa & Tony and Kirstie & Maks. Kirstie was just thrilled to get a thirty — it took an extra judge, but hey! That’s the right attitude. As I said, I think Kirstie is all sorts of fun, just a marginal dancer. Melissa & Tony are… safe. I guess that means Kirstie & Maks are in jeopardy. Kirstie doesn’t seem too bothered.
Donny Osmond and Susan Boyle sing. He puts a protective arm around her, and I wonder if she’s ever gotten truly comfortable with performing in front of big audiences. When they’re done, he gives her a little kiss on the head, which is all kinds of sweet, as she does look uncomfortable.
Team dances will be chosen live on the show. Maks doesn’t want to be the short, fat kid picked last. Bristol doesn’t want to be picked last, either. And they’ll be doing two dances, not one.
The captains are the all-stars with the highest cumulative scores: Gilles & Peta and Shawn & Derek.
Time to pick the songs for the team free-style. Gilles is THRILLED with whatever he got. It’s “Gangnam Style”! YES! I’m excited, too! Shawn picks “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepson. Derek looks depressed. I bet he wanted “Gangnam Style.”
Time to pick teams. Gilles calls the coin toss and wins it. He picks first: Kelly & Val. Shawn & Derek pick Sabrina & Louis. Next, Gilles picks Kirstie & Maks. What? Why? Shawn chooses Melissa & Tony, a much smarter choice. Emmitt & Cheryl are Gilles’ next choice. Shawn snags Apolo & Karina. Bristol & Mark are the last pair unpicked, so Bristol’s fear has come true — no one wants her. I’m shocked that Kirstie got picked so early — Gilles understands the team challenge points count toward his total, right? Bristol & Mark will join the team that loses a couple in the elimination. Unless it’s them.
The next couple safe is… Apolo & Karina. Which means it’s Bristol & Mark and Kirstie & Maks in the bottom two. Bristol & Mark are… going home. She’s happy to have made it to week four, she had fun, and there’s even time for a package to prove that, despite the fighting and complaining, she did have fun.
All I can say is — she did improve a great deal this season, but given how great the dancing is this season, it was time for her to go. It’s not so much about sending her home, but more about making sure we get more of the fantastic dancing we’ve gotten accustomed to seeing from the likes of Gilles, Emmitt, Kelly and the like. Sorry, Kirstie, but I’m guessing you’re next.
Are you excited to see a freestyle to “Gangnam Style”? Do you think it was Bristol’s time to go? Do you like the teams that were picked?