Here we go. Ten couples are gone. Four couples are left, one of which – Gilles & Cheryl – are coming off a double perfect 30 performance last night, and another – Ty & Chelsie – coming in the serious rear with just a 48 point combined. It seems clear what’s going to happen, but I’m fearful of ever being confident again after Lil’ Kim’s elimination last week (things truly aren’t the same without her).
After Raphael Saadiq and the Raphael Saadiq dancers open the show (it ain’t Tony! Toni! Tone!), Shawn & Mark recreate their perfect 30 quickstep with the same energy and complexity they showed last night (too bad for their not-so-perfect 26 on their second dance last night).
And then, we head down pointless montage lane: former “Stars” (ha) Helio Castroneves, Drew Lachey and Brooke Burke give us words of wisdom from their experiences on the show, and critique this year’s dancers. There’s nothing revelatory about anything any of them say, and it mostly falls in the vein of lame quotes from the F-list trio: “It’s not just the best dancer than wins,” Burke advises. “It’s who America loves!”
With only 5 minutes of actual “eliminating,” we now revert to the horrendously boring secondary competition, in which non-stars compete to dance with the stars next season. I wouldn’t have known if you asked me, but Mayo and Anna are the two dancers left, and this week they are being paired with previously eliminated dancers from this season – Kim Johnson and Maksim Chmerkovsky.
Mayo, as I’ve noted previously, scares me. His dance with Kim is very well-choreographed, but Mayo appears to exhibit no signs of a personality, and his googily eyes have this slight serial killer tinge to them. Anna – clearly the one to beat here – puts on a much less-frightening show with Maksim, and a fun, elegant one to boot. I’d be really curious to see how many people actually call in to vote on these folks in comparison to the main competition. And it amazes me that it’s half way through the program and truly nothing of note has occurred. But 20 million Americans are still watching.
Samantha heads backstage and oogles Ty and Gilles (“I’m lucky to be back here!”). Gilles tells her last night’s perfect 60 was “his dream” (way to aim high, Gilles), while Ty – in what I hope is his final “aw, shucks… I’m a cowboy” moment, goes on about how they were the 13th worst couple in week one (that’s right, out of 13), but somehow they are still here (I’m just as confused, Ty).
Great, now the Mayo-man is back for a second round of scaring America. The clever folks behind “Stars” have decided to give us TWO rounds of these dancers no one cares about. I really have nothing to note beyond more of the same: Anna is obviously superior.
We actually get some news, 45 minutes in: Gilles and Cheryl are safe. This is hardly a surprise, and I hope this trend continues. And it does with the next safe couple… Shawn and Mark.
We annoyingly get a commercial break as we await the final showdown. Could America really vote off their beloved, scorned Bachelor-ette? As it turns out… No! Not heading to next week’s final three: Ty & Chelsie. Thank you, America! Jewel, ever devoted wife that you are (she attended every single taping), it’s time to go home
Ty offers some final words: “I got a whole new respect to what these guys do. Trying to teach me to dance is trying to teach a blind guy to paint. I just try to remember the steps.”
So true, Ty… I’ll almost miss you.