Recap: It’s the finale of ‘Dancing with the Stars’

All our dancers look so excited as the show begins. Except for Rob and Cheryl. I’m hoping this means they screwed up in rehearsals.

In rehearsals, Ricki and Derek work on upping Ricki’s sexy quotient, which is currently close to nil. Carrie Ann drops in to teach her how to be sexy. This involves squishing up her face and shaking her hips, but it does help.

When the dance begins, I notice two things. One, that Ricki Lake is possibly half the size she was when she started this show. I think she’s even lost weight since last week. Two, the dance is great — but it seems a little herky-jerky. I’m not quite sure why it’s not flowing, but it lacks a little grace.

Len says it was action packed and worthy of the finale, but it could have been more fluid. Bruno says Ricki was the hottest she’s ever been, but he agrees with Len’s comment about fluidity. Carrie Ann felt she lived the dance, but her arms got confused.

Carrie Ann – 9 Len – 9 Bruno – 9

Derek is so proud of Ricki that anything from this point on is gravy. Hey, he gets paid either way.

Rob wants to win the mirror ball trophy. Of course he does, because his only other accomplishment is muddling through USC. For him, this counts as something to add to an otherwise empty resume. They’re working on a waltz. Bruno comes by the teach Rob how to walk. Walk in a waltz, mind you, which involves puffing up his chest. Bruno thinks he could kill it. I wish everyone would stop encouraging this guy so he’d just go home. 

Very good job — for a monkey or a robot. It’s not terrible, but it’s just leaden to me. 

Bruno thought he was flowing and glowing. But he messed up his crossovers. Carrie Ann thought he was the male version of Cinderella. Because he made it to the finale, not because he’s wearing a dress. Len thought he had good posture but thought it got a bit heavy. 

Rob thinks he’s peaked perfectly. Sigh.

Carrie Ann – 9 Len –  9 Bruno – 9 

J.R. got his twisted ankle x-rayed and it’s fine. He can dance! Len drops by to help him with his cha cha cha and tells him the difference between placing and winning in the finals is really who wants the win the most. I hope J.R. wants it, because Karina clearly does.

And yet… this just isn’t that great. His hips are shaking but he seems out of step with the music and with Karina. Is he choking? 

Carrie thought it lacked musicality. Len thought it was brave for him to dance solo, but it wasn’t that good. Bruno liked the character he created but felt the musicality was off as was his hands.

Backstage, J.R. admits to Brooke he was one step off at the beginning and never really recovered.

Carrie Ann – 8 Len – 7 Bruno – 9

Karina thinks they can recover. I certainly hope so. 

Ricki is hoping to blow people away with the freestyle, so she’s willing to put up with some abuse from Derek. Good thinking, Ricki.

And yes, I think she did blow people away with this. It’s very complicated and, even though she blows the ending, I hope the judges give her points for difficulty.

Len said she lost it a little in the quickstep section but it was well done. Bruno thought it was the most demanding of dances because it was both salsa and quickstep and he felt they did a good job. Carrie Ann loved the difficult lifts, except for the last one when she staggered, but she loved it.

Carrie Ann – 9 Len – 9 Bruno – 9

Huh. I would have thought they would have gotten at least one 10.

Cheryl wants to start with slow and end with a fast-paced freestyle. She thinks her chemistry with Rob will wow the judges, as will their lifts. 

I will say, Cheryl is an excellent choreographer, as she did make Rob look good. 

Bruno thought it was brilliant execution. Carrie Ann is giving him a 10. Len says he gave his all. 

Carrie Ann – 10 Len – 10 Bruno – 10

Seriously? Rob never thought he’d get a perfect score. Me, neither.

Karina wants J.R. to jump and hook her neck. He’s not thrilled about this. Neither am I. In rehearsal, he keeps knocking her to the floor and he tells he really doesn’t want to do it. Boy, I hope they sort this out.

And there’s the jump – she’s okay. And this is hot. C’mon, he’s got to get at least one 10 for this. 

Carrie Ann thought the lifts were sick and she’s glad Karina is safe. Len thinks J.R.’s talent was revealed and he thought it was fantastic. Bruno thought he had animal physicality. Sounds like he may get more than one 10 to me.

J.R. tells Brooke that he assured Karina he wouldn’t drop her. 

Carrie Ann – 10 Len – 10 Bruno – 10

Yes! 

So… the highest rated couple are Rob and Cheryl? I’m a little disappointed that J.R. blew his first dance, and I felt this was his finale to lose, and I’m surprised 

Tom tells us Rob and Cheryl are at the top and, tied at the bottom are J.R. and Karina as well as Ricki and Derek. And so it goes to the voters — dial in, America! Unless you’re voting for Rob. Just saying.