Ah, the ugliness of game night continues on “The Real Housewives of the ‘Maury Povich Show,'” I mean, “The Real Housewives of Beverly HIlls.” Truly, as nasty as things have gotten among the wives in the past, Brandi’s addition to the fold has somehow pushed the show dangerously close to chair-tossing territory. While this is undoubtedly dramatic, it’s also a bit unnerving, like watching beauty queens rip out one another’s extensions while using their stilettos to poke holes in their rivals’ Spanx. Hopefully someone will brush her extremely long and probably fake hair out of her eyes and apologize before someone loses an eye.
Picking up where we left off — Kyle is telling Brandi that it was disgusting for her kid to hop out of the pool, yank out his wiener and whiz on Adrienne’s grass. Brandi says he’s just a kid! What did she expect her to do, run over and catch his pee in her hand? Ew, no. Kyle then makes a fairly brilliant points — she doesn’t blame the little boy, as kids don’t know any better. But mothers do. Brandi blinks like an animatronic mannequin that’s short-circuited. Score one for Kyle.
Unfortunately, Brandi isn’t one to back down from a fight. So, she goes to her fallback position — your sister’s on CRACK! Kyle, her buttons pushed, stands up and starts jabbing a finger in Brandi’s direction. Kim stands up and starts jabbing a finger in Brandi’s direction. Brandi shoves Kim. Cat fight! But wait! It’s time for Taylor to come to the rescue! I’m amazed Taylor can actually stand up without passing out, so this is quite an accomplishment.
Taylor will NOT let anyone hurt anyone else in this house! There will be no touching! No touching, ladies! The only hurting, apparently, goes on at Taylor’s house, though we’re not supposed to remember that, as it is pretty depressing. Anyway, the women all step back and content themselves with hurling insults instead of punches. Kim tells Brandi she’s a slut pig. I’m sure Brandi is now starting to regret having ever accused the ladies of thinking she’s a super slut, as they’ve clearly picked up on the phrase and given it their own unique twists. You’re a slut pig! No, a slut cow! Maybe a slut chicken! What else do they have on farms? No, wait, a slut duck!
Brandi finally decides it might be a good time to leave. She could have left earlier, but she wanted to be the bigger person. I’m not sure how sticking around and shrieking that another guest is a crystal meth user while telling another to stop talking about your effing kids is being the bigger person, but okay. She is about a foot taller than everyone else, so maybe she meant that literally.