Recap: ‘The Vampire Diaries’ – ‘The House Guest’

[Full recap of Thursday’s (Feb. 24) “Vampire Diaries” after the break…]

 

Elena wanders downstairs, all excited about school. But Damon suspects Elena is really big, bad vampire Katherine and slams her against a wall. Elena can”t understand why he”d make such a stupid mistake, given that Katherine”s trapped in a tomb. Isn”t she, Damon? Damon? Oh, oops, Damon forgot to tell Elena and Stefan that Katherine isn”t exactly trapped there anymore since Elijah died. So, Stefan takes a turn at throwing Elena against a wall and yells at her for being Katherine. Bad, bad Elena! Except Katherine shows up and laughs at all Stefan and Damon. And probably Elena, who”s starting to not feel so great, what with being thrown against walls and all.  

 

Not surprisingly, everyone wants Katherine to go away. Katherine helpfully points out that everyone needs her if they want to kill Klaus. Elena doesn”t care. Katherine calls her stupid. For two people who look so much alike, you”d think they”d get along a little better.

At school, Matt asks Caroline if she”s seen Tyler. She doesn”t have a good answer to that, as “Yes, as I was running him and his werewolf pals out of town” isn”t going to go over so well. But Matt would rather talk about Their Relationship. Doesn”t she have something she wants to tell him? It”s her move. She needs to make a decision or leave him alone! Matt sure likes to talk for someone who”s not good at communicating.

 

Stefan still doesn”t have his mind on school. He wants to sleep over at Elena”s. But she can”t, because Bonnie and Caroline are coming over. Slumber party! How old are these girls? I fully expect to see them playing with Barbies at some point. Bonnie”s sad about losing her powers and Caroline”s having Matt drama. Elena has to be there for them in their time of need. Oh, that Elena, such a good friend!

 

Damon tries to blowtorch Elijah so that he can get rid of him and take the dagger, but it doesn”t work. Katherine tells him he”s wasting his time. Damon threatens to blowtorch Katherine, but she convinces him she”s helpful, so he turns off the blowtorch. But remember that he has a blowtorch, kids! It will be important later!

 

Stefan asks Bonnie to make peace with the Martins so they can all work together to kill Klaus. Bonnie has her doubts about this plan, given that the Martins hate their guts, but she”ll see what she can do.

 

At school, Alaric has a Talk with Elena. He tells her it”s time to tell Jenna the truth about everything, including Isobel. Elena was hoping to wait until Klaus was dealt with. Alaric tells her it”s her decision to make, but until she spills to Jenna, Jenna is done with him. No pressure, Elena.

 

Stefan and Bonnie meet with Luka and Dr. Martin at the Grille. Stefan has an offer they can”t refuse. Stefan and Bonnie will help them kill Klaus. They don”t need no stinkin” Elijah! Dr. Martin doesn”t laugh at them, so he appears to be thinking this over.

 

Damon decides to read John Gilbert”s diaries. Katherine decides to annoy Damon by offering to help. He asks her if she knows where the witches massacred centuries ago are buried. She doesn”t know the answer to that question, but she does know that dead witches emit a magical energy. See, she”s being helpful! Damon resists the urge to get the blowtorch. Stefan drops by and reveals that the Martins knew that Elijah planned to use witch energy to kill Klaus. Witch energy like, oh, what you”d find at a witch massacre burial site? Ding, ding, ding!

 

Luka tries to convince his dad to work with Stefan. Stefan and Bonnie are so much cooler than that mean Elijah guy! Who”s dead anyway! No dice. Dr. Martin”s going to find Elijah and let him fix everything. I knew there was a reason why that dagger isn”t all that lethal!

 

Jenna comes home and finds a big, dumb slumber party in her house. Jenna is so not in the mood. Elena tells Jenna she can talk to her about her problems. Jenna doesn”t have friends, so she grumbles about Alaric. Caroline suggests to Jenna that Alaric is just trying to protect her, maybe. Not that she knows anything about it. But Jenna wants the truth. She can”t handle the truth!

 

Dr. Martin and Luka do a witchy, hand holding thing to find Elijah. Luka transports his spirit in Elijah”s direction and ends up invisibly walking around the Salvatore house. He finally finds Elijah and starts easing the dagger out of his chest. But Katherine, who was looking around for a nice blood bag snack, spots the dagger moving out of Elijah and fights Luka for it. Though she doesn”t know she”s fighting Luka for it, because she can”t see him. So, on his dad”s instruction, Luka stabs Katherine with a wooden stick. But Luka has crap aim, because he”s nowhere near her heart.

 

Damon pops in to see what”s going on and, being a quick thinker, he grabs the blowtorch and blasts Elijah again. Not only is this fun, Damon gets the added bonus of setting Luka on fire and killing him. Dr. Martin tries to save his son, but no such luck. Dr. Martin is ready to kick some vampire ass.

 

The Grille is hopping! There”s a band! Caroline can”t wait to have some fun, but Matt ignores her. Jenna ignores Alaric because she”s dating Senor Tequila. He needs to tell her the truth. She used to smoke a lot of pot and now she”s a parent. She can handle anything! Oh, Jenna, you just think you can.

 

Caroline is so sad. She loves Matt but she doesn”t know what to do! Really, Caroline? This is your big problem? Elena”s busy running around trying not to die, and you”re worried about a boy? But Elena is a good friend. She doesn”t slap Caroline but just tells her to tell Matt the truth. I”m assuming she means to tell him the truth about her feelings and not that she drinks blood and has eternal life. So Caroline gets up on stage and sings Matt a Bangles song that wasn”t very good in the 80s, either. Matt gets up on stage and kisses her. But not soon enough, because damn if this scene doesn”t drag on forever.

 

So much for all that lovey dovey stuff, because it”s back to dead Luka. Stefan rushes to the Martins house for some reason and Dr. Martin doesn”t kill him for some reason. We spent how long on “Eternal Flame” and the writers can”t throw in a little logic here?

 

Damon and Katherine go back to chatting, having found a good use for the blowtorch. Katherine tells Damon that Uncle Daddy John made a deal with. She promised she”d kill Klaus as long as he didn”t kill Stefan. She didn”t negotiate to save Damon, but really, Damon can take care of himself. Damon still glowers in Katherine”s general direction.

 

Having wallowed in the sappy goodness of “Eternal Flame,” Caroline and Matt make out in the bathroom of the Grille. How romantic! Don”t trip over the toilet or anything! Bonnie tells Elena she wants to date her brother. Elena”s fine with it, because Elena is full of love.

 

Dr. Martin, on the other hand, is full of rage. He goes to the Grille to get Elena, although you would think the bigger priority would be reviving Elijah. He bumps into Bonnie and demands that she tell him where Elena is. She doesn”t, so he makes all the lightbulbs in the place blow up. Oh, no! A lack of electrical lighting! Dr. Martin is not impressing me with his witchy powers this evening. Stefan gets to Elena while Dr. Martin is wasting time yelling at Bonnie when he could just go find Elena. When he realizes popping lightbulbs isn”t so scary, Dr. Martin sets the bar on fire. Okay, that”s scarier.

 

Instead of running, Elena tries to talk sense to Dr. Martin. That”s cute, Elena, but it”s not exactly effective. Dr. Martin emits some kind of vampire crippling sound and Caroline crumples to the floor. Matt tries to save Caroline, so Dr. Martin stabs him in the neck with a broken bottle. Matt is dying, so Caroline makes him drink her blood. And, oh yeah, Elena and Stefan get out of there somehow.

 

Everyone reconvenes at home. Bonnie feels bad about Luka. Stefan and Elena arrive and Elena wanders off by herself. Stefan wonders if anyone checked the house for… what, exactly? Isn”t the whole point that Dr. Martin can make himself invisible? Sigh. Anyway, Dr. Martin is there and he jumps on Elena, but Elena is really Katherine and Dr. Martin is super dead super fast. Zoinks!

 

Bonnie can”t believe they killed him! He was the only other minority actor left on the show! And he had her witch powers! It has not been a good night for African-American characters on “The Vampire Diaries”! Bonnie reaches out to close Dr. Martin”s eyes, but then he does one of those unrealistic, springing-back-from-death moves you only see in horror movies with a numeral after the title, so Elena kills him a little harder.

 

Katherine washes up and goes downstairs to be applauded for her clever plan to kill Dr. Martin. Elena is not impressed, although you have to admit, pretty good plan. Katherine is pissed that Elena isn”t grateful. Elena doesn”t care. Won”t these two ever get along?

 

Jeremy wants Bonnie to deal with her denial about losing her powers. But Bonnie reveals that, during that last lunge, Dr. Martin gave them back to her. And told her she needs to kill Klaus. And gave her instructions on how to do that. Wow, Dr. Martin only came back from the dead for half a second and he got so much done!

 

Katherine thinks Damon knows where the witch massacre happened. Damon isn”t telling. Katherine thinks he”s being mean. He is. She tries to seduce Damon and he shoves her off the bed. That Damon!

 

Back at the Grille, Matt wakes up as Caroline lovingly watches over him. He doesn”t know what happened. He was bleeding and now he”s fine and wha? So Caroline tells him about the whole vampire thing. He accuses her of doing something to his sister Vickie. He is so not grateful for being saved. Stupid Matt!

 

Back at home, Elena and Jenna are eating ice cream. It”s been a rough night! Thank goodness that”s over. Then the doorbell rings. It”s Isobel. Whoops!