Hey “X Factor” fans! Are you reader to find out which singers made the Top 16?
Doesn’t it feel like we’ve been here before? Why, yes. It was less than a week ago that FOX ran an hour of “The X Factor” in the middle of a baseball rain delay, revealing 10 of the performers in the Top 16.
If you want to skip the first chunk of tonight’s strangely timed episode, you can read my recap from last Wednesday.
Or you can follow along with my live-blog as I pay minimal attention to the decisions I’ve already seen and then perk up for the last six announcements…
9:31 p.m. Wow. So FOX just pretended that last week wasn’t a total bar of clusterfudge, saying that “Last Week” Britney and L.A. Reid revealed their Top 4 contestants. That ignores that the West Coast missed out entirely. And it also ignores that two of Demi Lovato’s Top 4 were revealed.
9:32 p.m. So… We’re supposed to pretend we don’t know what’s going to happen with Jennel Garcia? This is obnoxious.
9:34 p.m. Ah yes. Demi tells Jennel that her biggest problem is her lack of confidence in her performances. But guess what? It wasn’t a big enough concern to keep JENNEL GARCIA from making the Top 16.
9:35 p.m. This is the biggest moment ever in Willie Jones’ life. Again. Going back to Shreveport is Willie’s biggest nightmare. Again. Demi thinks that Willie is stuck between country and R&B worlds. Again. She’s wrong, again. Her perceptions and her racial assumptions are the only thing tying Willie to the world of R&B. And yes, I know that there’s that one commenter who loves Willie Jones, but I’m going to continue to insist it’s a huge blunder that Demi puts WILLIE JONES in the Top 16. He’s just not good enough for this. Demi excitedly celebrates her ability to honor a country singer who’s also African-American. Way to break boundaries, Demi!
9:36 p.m. I feel like I should summarize the other eight singers in the Top 16, the ones FOX glossed over. Britney’s Teens are CARLY ROSE SONENCLAR, ARIN RAY, DIAMOND WHITE and BEATRICE MILLER. L.A. Reid’s Geriatrics are DAVID CORREY, TATE STEVENS, JASON BROCK and VINO ALAN.
9:41 p.m. There are only two spots left, but Demi still has four singers waiting. This is one of the biggest moments in Nick Youngerman’s life. He can’t bring himself to face returning to Ohio. I don’t understand Nick Youngerman at all. He says he doesn’t want to be known as “the rapping toilet cleaner” for the rest of his life, but how well does he clean toilets? Because his rapping is so-so. At best. In 1990, 50 percent of the country could do that exact rendition of “Ice Ice Baby” and it isn’t suddenly better because it’s 2012. Demi makes the correct choice. Nick Youngerman is going home. Nick compares it to a bad break-up. He’s leaving Los Angeles and he’ll never be back. Where did all of that confidence go? That was the best thing he had going for him and now that’s gone.
9:44 p.m. Paige Thomas is next to get the call. I reckon it’s either her or Cece Frey going through, with the other one leaving trails of runny mascara. This order suggests that Paige is going through, because “X Factor” isn’t very sophisticated with its editing. Paige needs a “Yes” for her kid. Demi says that Paige is beautiful and gorgeous and that she has “star quality.” However, Demi wanted to see Paige grow. She reassures Paige that no matter what the future holds, she’s going to continue to be a wonderful mother. Ouch. Holy backhanded compliment, Demi! The results are in. PAIGE THOMAS is in the Top 16. “Now I can just come out and really show the world what I can do,” Paige says, calling herself “blessed.”
9:48 p.m. So there’s only one spot between Cece Frey and Jillian Jensen. That result? After the commercials…
9:52 p.m. “This could be it. This could be the start of a completely different life… or going home,” says Jillian, who we first met at the Providence auditions when she made Demi cry. But Jillian says she’s grown that she’s not a caterpillar, but a butterfly. Cece Frey says this experience will change her in more than 20 ways. Interestingly, Cece tries to indicate that she’s had a different journey. She started off as a butterfly, but has she become an insecure caterpillar through this process? Cece doesn’t want to go back to work on Monday morning. Because being a singer means you don’t work Mondays?
9:55 p.m. Demi hugs both women. She holds both of their hands. Cece cries. Jillian cries. Demi worries that people may hate Cece. Demi worries that Jillian may need more than just incredible vocals. So much crying. Cue the Coldplay. Again. So much Coldplay.
9:57 p.m. The last person Demi’s keeping is… CECE FREY. Jillian is very sad. As you would be. Jillian’s buddy Jennel is hoping for the best, but she joins Jillian in crying when she comes out to the waiting room. “You did everything you could,” Jennel reassures her. Now Demi Lovato’s bawling too. And back to Cece, now crying with happiness. “I’m from the middle of nowhere and I get to come back and see it again,” Cece celebrates. Oy. Outside, Nick Youngerman and Jillian Jensen cry sadly.
10:02 p.m. Does anybody actually care which Groups Simon chooses? Exactly. Then why have them anchor the show? Playback? Lyric 145? Emblem 3? Sister C? Lylas? The other group, whoever they are?
10:03 p.m. Why the heck did Lyric Da Queen not advance on her own? It’s embarrassing that the only rappers in the Top 24 were Nick Youngerman and that Justin Bieber guy that Britney cut.
10:05 p.m. First to face judgement is Lyric 145, the group featuring Lyric Da Queen and two other people. Simon loved the humor in their performance, but he only has space for people who will blow audiences away. LYRIC 145 is advancing.
10:07 p.m. Dope Crisis. That’s the name of the two-person group I refuse to remember. They received no screentime before Judges’ Houses and their performance was straight out of 1989. Simon, however, felt that they couldn’t have put anything more into that performance. He isn’t sure where they fit in the market. And that’s why Dope Crisis is done. “It is very sad that it wasn’t enough. Our best wasn’t enough,” says The Guy with the Hat.
10:08 p.m. Now, based on lazy editing, Emblem3 is going to advance. The cocky Californians had a bit of a Judges’ House skew up when The Guy in the Middle forgot his lyrics, but who really thinks that’ll be enough to doom them. “We really want to work with you, man. You’re the best in the business,” says The Guy in the Middle. Simon’s been impressed by them since their first audition and he likes originality. He fears that they may not be as rehearsed as the other groups. “We did our best,” says The Guy in the Middle. “No, I don’t think you did,” Simon replies. Simon’s decision… EMBLEM3 is in the Top 16. He thinks they’re winners. “Dude. You’re making grow old too fast,” says The Guy in the Middle, before jumping into the pool.
10:16 p.m. Playback, Sister C and Lylas are waiting and Simon predicts that one of them will be devastated.
10:17 p.m. I guess we’re starting with Sister C, so they’re going to be safe. They’re much, much more polished than the two Frankengroups formed entirely from solo artists. That doesn’t mean they have more upside, but it definitely means they have much less downside. Simon thinks they have distinct voices and he can imagine recognizes them on the radio, but he worries about their likability. Guess what? SISTER C is in the Top 16. Yeah, “X Factor.” If you edit the elimination order identically for EVERY SINGLE CATEGORY, it really sucks a lot of the excitement/surprise from your show.
10:20 p.m. I hope Playback advances, because I want that one guy to talk about his girlfriend Torrie every single week. Constantly. In fact, I want them to change their name to Four Guys and Torrie’s Boyfriend. In this Year of One Direction, does anybody really think Simon is going to be able to resist a potential boy band, even if the Lylas have much more individual talent?
10:22 p.m. Simon stares down the remaining groups. “I’ve kinda been in this place before,” Simon says. He picks… LYLAS. I’d say “Wow,” but I’m not interested enough to care. He breaks the bad news to Playback first. They agree it sucks. Then he tells Lylas that they’ve advanced, telling them that he was seriously, seriously blown away. One of the Lylas gets to call her mother.
10:27 p.m. The judges sum up their groups. Britney Spears likes her Teens. Demi thinks Willie is “original” and “unique,” that Paige is “a superstar,” Cece has “stage presence” and she’s happy to have Jennel. L.A. Reid says David Correy has “charm,” that Jason Brock has an “angelic” voice, that Tate Stevens has to be taken seriously and that Vino Alan’s name has been pronounced wrong previously. Simon says stuff about the Groups.
10:30 p.m. See you again on November 1.
That’s it. Who got hosed? Which judge has the best team?