“So, Robin, as the art director behind this next music video for ‘Give It 2 U,’ what did you have in mind?”
“Mostly I’d like to be surrounded by hundreds of beautiful, hard-working, talented college-aged women in various states of dress, while I do next to nothing at all. If we shoot it on a football field, perhaps that will give the impression that I’m athletic and that I’m desirable, because I am quite literally playing the field and committing to nothing but my avoidance of physical activity.”
“Do you want it to have a similar feel to ‘Blurred Lines?'”
“Yes, if we could intermittently throw the performing troupes’ names and other names and stuff in red sans serif font all up on there, it might look like art, or sarcasm.”
“Great, so the university dance teams will wear their usual uniforms?”
“Well, some of them. Others will need to wear protective upper body gear, like a football player, which will guarantee maximum discomfort and the threat of literally sweating ones’ boobs off. Bring in the Luxury Girls, a name I only know as phone sex workers but might also be some other thing that involves cosplay. Also, make sure there is one fawningly beautiful model who is dressed head to toe in bags and mounds of cotton candy, a guise that no reasonable, mentally healthy male would ever sustain exception for those guys in the Lonely Island. I think that Andy Samberg is so funny… but Justin Timberlake’s not in that group, right?”
“No, he’s not.”
“Phew, seriously, that guy makes me look completely self unaware.”
“What would you like 2 Chainz and Kendrick Lamar to do in your video?”
“I dunno, let ’em riff with no design of choreography and maybe one rehearsal under their belt. Give them some fourrunners and girls of their own. What do you think of ‘Ass Float?’ Don’t answer that, I already know the answer.”
“Robin, what is your child Julian up to on the day of shoot?”
“Great question, maybe I should bring him on set, dress and style him in the same way as his dear old man, with slick hair and tailored suits and no signs of maternalism except for his infantile existence and the buttresses of mammaries. That way, we can intimate an almost parody-like cycle of ladies’ men begetting ladies’ men whilst shattering age boundaries of sexual maturity.
“Also, a sushi piñata.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“What will you wear?”
“I play the role as the referee and have stolen a suit from off of Beetlejuice’s body.”
“And thus the core of the ‘Give It 2 U’ video will be that it is very beautiful, very fun but ultimately vapid, with a couple of grossly exaggerated product placements and a hinted use of women of color as fashion accessories… so you and Miley are obviously getting along.”
“Yes, couldn’t you tell?”
“Now, Robin, the title ‘Give It 2 U’ seems like a very transparent rip, a page straight from the Prince playbook. Your falsetto sounds great.”
“Thank you, that was my every intention.”