Ah, more auditions. Doesn’t the road to Vegas seem a lot longer than usual this season? This week, the show is heading off to Boston, which is where season 6 winner Russell was found. That would suggest greatness is there to be found, and yes, there are some amazing auditions. Unfortunately, there’s some total crap as well. The good news? It seems that this season, “SYTYCD” is making a conscious effort to show us montages of crap, which gives us the flavor of garbage, but prevents said crappy dancers from getting their names in households across the country or even a truly singular YouTube video. I think this is a smart move, although I almost wanted to see the entirety of the bunny dancing chick’s audition. That looked messed up.
Our judges are Nigel Lythgoe, Mary Murphy and Adam Shankman. I’m always happy to see Adam join the team, as he brings the funny. While Nigel’s sense of humor is reliably dry, and Mary has been able to toss out the occasional bon mot, the show needs a little wacky, and Adam happily brings it.
Ashley Goldman and Phil Kudryavstev
They’re both 19, they used to date, and she talks nonstop while he seems to be functionally mute. Really, they’re made for one another, but in the meantime they can dance. They’ve been dancing together a year and three weeks, according to Ashley, who also makes sure everyone knows that Phil dumped her instead of the other way around. I expect them to be good — they were on “Dancing with the Stars”‘ ballroom battle, and they both made it to the finales — although he won and she didn’t. But who cares? They’re both amazing here, and they’re both going to Vegas. Hopefully she won’t get too excited on the plane and talk Phil into a comatose state.
She dances with a lampshade. A giant lampshade. Oh, Lord. It’s on her bucket list to audition for “SYTYCD” before she’s thirty, so okay. All she needs to do is jump out of an airplane and have twins and she can die happy, I guess. The judges have a grand time making fun of her before she auditions, because she brought a lampshade. I will say, the lampshade isn’t the worst idea ever. It’s actually cute. But she’s not very good. Adam tells her he has fantastic dreams that look just like that. Yeah, but Mary thought it wasn’t enough for her. Nigel was disappointed. Bye, Natalie. But Adam wants to try on the lampshade first. Even in jeans he does a passable routine. I say, let Adam perform every week! Nigel gives Adam a ticket to Vegas, just for kicks.
He is going to forgo music to dance with a beat boxer. He also wears a lion’s tail, which is actually rope, and it’s not doing him any favors because it looks like the world’s biggest tampon string. That being said, fun performance. I think he’s gonna be a yes to choreography. Nigel thought it was performance art at it’s best. Everyone was entertained. Adam thinks he might be crushed by the show, because he’s so unique and outside of the box. Still, he’s going to choreography.
Oh my GOD, can someone give this girl some clothes so she doesn’t have to flop around in the worst outfit ever? This is distracting. The top is too small and too tight and she appears to be wearing a diaper over a G string. She is not fat but she looks like an obese woman in a bikini here. There’s something strangling her neck, too. The judges are very, very taken with the fact she’s auditioning with her little brother. He’s so good! And he’s filling in! To help his big sister! It’s so touching! Jeremy doesn’t get it and honestly, I don’t either. Yes, it’s nice and sweet, but Mary and Adam start crying over this. I think they’re tired or need snacks. Nigel wants her to go… to choreography. Nigel tells Jeremy to come back if the show is still on the air in three years. I would comment on Katlyn’s dancing, but her outfit was so offensive I couldn’t see it, really.
She used to be a ballerina, now she’s a jazz dancer. Used to have an eating disorder, which is to say, she was a ballerina. All of the judges say “oh” right after she starts dancing, because she’s that good. Yeah, she could win this whole thing, I’m serious. We could be looking at the winner of season 10. Nigel can’t believe they don’t hear her land when she leaps. She is so in. Nigel thinks she has an incredible face and she’s a great performer. And she looks like Jennifer Beals, which entertains everyone, especially when Jennifer does some “Flashdance” moves. Yeah, Jennifer Beals is never going to live down that movie, is she?
Montage of really good dancers!
He dances, his mom’s a cheerleader, his sisters dance, lots of dancing. And his family runs a dance studio. I think it will be good for business if he gets through the audition, don’t you? Nigel thinks he has ridiculous feet, and I think he means that in a good way. Hey, this Tommy kid can dance. Adam is making faces, but I think they’re happy faces. Hard to tell with Adam, really. Nigel thinks he’s brilliant. Mary thinks he’s brilliant. Just send him on to Vegas, people. Adam wants the choreographers to rattle the bleep out of him to turn him into the phenomenal dancer he could be. He’s going to Vegas! Jeez, finally.
Another professional ballerina, who may or may not have an eating disorder, but she’s definitely broke. Her big brother paid for the whole trip to Boston because he believes in her. When she starts dancing, Adam is crazy excited. It’s favorite audition of Boston! Everyone says no to choreography in sad tones. Duh, because you’re going to Vegas. Come on, don’t be mean like that, judges! The dancers are just barely holding it together up there. She probably hasn’t had a solid meal in weeks, don’t stress her out. She gets her damn ticket and gives her brother a bear hug. Nigel asks her brother if he’s been eating her meals. No one even minds that that was insanely rude.
Time for choreography. Thank God, Katlyn put on some clothes. John is up first. Nigel thinks he’s not strong enough. Bye, John. Katlyn is going to Vegas. Maybe she can give a stripper her dance outfit.
Seven more dancers make it through.
He’s so excited to be auditioning. He grew up poor in a bad neighborhood, but he’s always believed in the music. He’s an animator. He finally decided he might possibly be good enough to audition for this show after he went to Germany for the Dance Olympics and came in fifth in the world, so yeah, he’s good enough. Nigel goes on stage to give him his ticket. I usually think that if they’re going to make any hip hop dancers go to choreography they should be consistent, but hell, he’s great.
She has a red mohawk and great extension. She’s got to be going through. Nigel is watching her with the creepiest leer ever, by the way. Do the judges forget there are cameras trained on them? Adam thinks it was beautiful and perfect. Mary thinks she’s wonderful. Nigel doesn’t think she’s quirky (despite her hair); she’s a beautiful dancer. She’s going to Vegas.
Gene (and his wife Elena) Bersten
He auditioned in season six and didn’t make it to the top twenty, so this time he’s auditioning with his wife. They have a six month old baby. He’s doing it for her! Even though he probably won’t have time for her if he does make it through. It’s a pride thing, I get it. Mary thinks he has excellent technique. Adam thought it was excellent and thinks Gene and Elena have great chemistry. Gene and Elena are both getting tickets to Vegas. Isabella, Mommy and Daddy are going to Vegas! Write them from foster care! Just kidding.
Ernest “E-Knock” Phillips
He auditioned in season 3, but didn’t make it far, I guess. Then, in 2011, his cousin died in a drowning. He felt as if he lost his best friend and his brother. The passing took him to a dark place and he had suicidal thoughts. But there was good news. He started working at a summer camp and met Kate. Her mom needed an instructor at her dance school, so he moved to Vermont and found his purpose, which is teaching dance. He feels Kate and her mom saved his life. So, you know, inspiring clip segment.
E-Knock dances to his cousin. Like literally, he puts a little photo on the stage and even has newscaster voice over in his music. Kate is crying before he even dances. Then, more people are crying. Adam is crying. It is sad, really, and it’s clearly a very personal piece for him.
Nigel says he’s an artist and thanks him for sharing. Mary felt everything he went through. Adam thought it was one of the most personal and vulnerable moments on the show. He thought the Russian jump was crazy high. Everyone thinks he’s amazing. But… it’s just a yes to choreography.
She’s a tapper, and I’m a little more open to tapping after the great audition from, was that Hollywood? Trying to remember. Anyway, she’s performing to “Mr. Bojangles,” which to me is an epic fail, but she’s very, very good. Still, she keeps doing a weird thing with her hand. But otherwise, very good. Nigel liked the end. He thought it was truly lovely. Adam agreed. And declares her cute as a button. Vegas!
Well, every show must have some crazy, right? Season one, Anthony auditioned with a ribbon. Nigel thought he didn’t look masculine. Season four, he auditioned again and didn’t make it. He swore at people. But he’s different now, he says. He cried in Cat Deeley’s arms before, yes, but he’s happy to be back. He’s wearing… I don’t know what that is. Dress? Big T-shirt?
But he’s very good. I think he keeps getting cut only because he acts like a pompous jerk.
Nigel thinks he’s a brilliant, beautiful dancer but he’s uselessly weird. Mary thinks he’s brilliant and he’s matured. She thinks he’s on the right track. Adam thinks his ability is stellar. He’s going to… choreography. And he says no way, he’ll just leave. WTF? If he learns choreography, he wants to be paid for it.
“SYTYCD” lets you know you can tweet about him with #inawhilecrocodile. I wonder if Anthony realizes the show is making plenty of money by making his wacky auditions a highlight, and he’s not getting paid for that, either.
And now we start our weird segment. Her style of dance is bunny style! They’re doing acrobatic contemporary! He dances in women’s shoes! Yay! Lots of sucky dancing, but all mashed together into a very short segment! The bunny style chick pretends to be a cat! And has stuffed bunnies tied to her pigtails! Okay, I’d watch that for, like, a minute.
And thus concludes the crazy for tonight, I think.
He’s a professional dancer. He may have to tell his company he’s at the audition, and Vegas will be a problem for him, but he’s hopeful it could be for the best. So, of course he’s going through. And duh, he’s incredible. Man, a lot of good dancing in Boston. Yes to choreography… what? No, they were just screwing with him to show the other dancers how humble he is. OF COURSE he’s going to Vegas.
Ballroom dancers next!
Sexy guy dances and takes off his shirt for Mary. Sexy girl dances in one of Charo’s old outfits. Not very sexy guy dances in women’s jeans and wears his hair in a bun.
She has four U.S. ballroom titles, so of course she’s going to Vegas. She’s great. Duh. Mary hoots. She loves her. She’s been waiting all season for someone like Kate. She’s the first hot tamale she’s seen on the audition trail! Adam thinks she’s like a knife, slicing. And sex on a stick. Nigel thinks this is a weird thing to say, and I think Nigel should spend more time in America or at least with American people and not Simon Cowell. Nigel thought she could be a professional on “DWTS.” Adam imitates Bruno, the judge on “DWTS.” See? Adam makes this show more fun.
One final dancer in gold lame is ready to take the stage. He does not really understand English. He describes his dancing as being like a video game. He dances the hip hop and the locking and the popping and the animation. And the breaking. Okay, he is good. The judges are loving it. Nigel thinks that is what I’m talking about. Toshi isn’t really understanding, but Nigel thought he was fantastic. Mary thought he was fabulous. Adam thinks he’s living art. Nigel says he’s a no to choreography, so three now to choreography… but he’s a yes to Vegas!
C’mon, Ernest. But Nigel is saying… it wasn’t strong enough to send him to Vegas. Aw, shucks. He’s going to make sure Kate is trained so she can go to Vegas. Oh, this is sad.
Eleven more dancers make it through.
Next week it’s Tennessee, and Wayne Brady joins the judges’ panel. Oh, and Mary swears. Yay?
Who did you like from Boston? Do you think Anthony should have been sent packing or allowed to go to Vegas? What did you think of Toshi?