The 10 Secretly Craziest Parts of Taylor Swift’s ‘Blank Space’

11.10.14 3 years ago

“Blank Space” is one of the catchier songs on the mostly chilled-out “1989,” Taylor Swift's juggernaut new album that went platinum within a single week of its release. (No other album has gone platinum this year period, for the record.) The singer dropped a surprise new video for the track this morning presumably because we stopped talking about her for 0.5 seconds. The result? A parody on her “crazy ex-girlfriend” persona that is at points funny but is mostly too contrived. She's trying to mock herself playfully but doesn't manage to showcase anything but “Fatal Attraction” play-acting. It's not crazy. It's just silly. 

But still, there are ten parts of the “Blank Space” video that are crazier than all the Glenn Close mimicry. 

1. She's a better actor than her costar.

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2. It's 2014 and Taylor Swift is still pretending to live in a fairytale.

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3. What could be CRAZIER than SMEARED MASCARA and an ANIMAL PRINT?

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4. She thinks it is acceptable to borrow drama from “Gone With the Wind.” No, Taylor.

5. Or worse, “Mean Girls.”

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6. This CGI animation of a headlight breaking is hilariously bad. Is this secretly a Vertical Horizon video from 2000? 

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7. She's taking out her anger on cake. When you've moved past devouring cake in anger to stabbing cake in anger, you have a problem with no cure. 

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8. The most relatable character in this video is this horse, who seems to be thinking, “Trying too hard.”

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9. It's not enough for Taylor to rip up her man's clothes and throw them out of a window. She has to set them on fire before she throws them. 

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10. At her “craziest,” Taylor Swift just gives us an average Pink video.

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