“Blank Space” is one of the catchier songs on the mostly chilled-out “1989,” Taylor Swift's juggernaut new album that went platinum within a single week of its release. (No other album has gone platinum this year period, for the record.) The singer dropped a surprise new video for the track this morning presumably because we stopped talking about her for 0.5 seconds. The result? A parody on her “crazy ex-girlfriend” persona that is at points funny but is mostly too contrived. She's trying to mock herself playfully but doesn't manage to showcase anything but “Fatal Attraction” play-acting. It's not crazy. It's just silly.
But still, there are ten parts of the “Blank Space” video that are crazier than all the Glenn Close mimicry.
1. She's a better actor than her costar.
2. It's 2014 and Taylor Swift is still pretending to live in a fairytale.
3. What could be CRAZIER than SMEARED MASCARA and an ANIMAL PRINT?
4. She thinks it is acceptable to borrow drama from “Gone With the Wind.” No, Taylor.
5. Or worse, “Mean Girls.”
6. This CGI animation of a headlight breaking is hilariously bad. Is this secretly a Vertical Horizon video from 2000?
7. She's taking out her anger on cake. When you've moved past devouring cake in anger to stabbing cake in anger, you have a problem with no cure.
8. The most relatable character in this video is this horse, who seems to be thinking, “Trying too hard.”
9. It's not enough for Taylor to rip up her man's clothes and throw them out of a window. She has to set them on fire before she throws them.
10. At her “craziest,” Taylor Swift just gives us an average Pink video.