I think the greatest drawback of being on “The Real Housewives of Atlanta,” other than the invasion of privacy and the shrieking, has to be the non-stop social calendar. It’s like being a member of the British aristocracy in the 1800s, when no one had television and everyone had to talk to one another because they had nothing better to do other than die of consumption. It seems like there isn’t just one party per episode; there are many, meaning everyone just has time to rush home, select a fresh ball gown, pick a new wig, and head out all over again. Yes, I realize these things are edited to compress time, but still. Lotta parties.
Anyway, the theme of this week’s parties? Kenya avoiding Walter. Even though Kenya dumped Walter, she seems to think this should have caused him to actually die, so the fact that he keeps turning up in public is a major affront to her. It seems that Walter actually did bond with the husbands of the real housewives, so theoretically he’s just continuing his bromance. Or, depending on which Internet rumors you believe, Kenya is paying him to stir up some drama, Bravo is paying him to stir up some drama, or he just likes drama.
Ironically, at the first party, which is some sort of fundraiser for men’s health that Peter put together and is never really explained in a way that makes sense, there is no drama. Kenya shows up in a glamorous white gown with former NFL start Jamal Anderson on her arm. Since Cynthia had already warned her that Walter would be at the party, she had absolutely no reaction to learning he was present. Oh, Walter? He’s just someone she used to know! She simple doesn’t care! Did you see her date, Jamal Anderson?
In fact, she’s going to spend her energy at the party announcing to the girls she’s going to be hosting a fabulous gala honoring black women in cinema. It’s also going to be a costume party, so she would like the women to dress as notable black female movie stars. Not that they get to pick who they dress as, mind you. She informs Cynthia she can be Diana Ross, Kandi can be Tina Turner, Phaedra can be Eartha Kitt, and Porsha… can be Halle Berry from B.A.P.S. Porsha blinks once, then twice, then mentions that she prefers Halle Berry as Dorothy Dandridge. Kenya smiles sweetly and tells her she doesn’t care; it’s her party and Porsha will wear an orange plastic jumpsuit and she’ll like it! I suspect Porsha will not be going, or she’ll go and wear whatever she pleases. For as many times as Kenya talks about being mature in this episode, this has to be the worst kind of middle-school bullying ever.
Meanwhile, Walter is talking to his beloved bros. He reveals that he doesn’t date women who are older than 32; since Kenya was 42, he just wasn’t interested. “I like my women like I like my rims; 22, 24, 26,” he says, grinning. Okay, fine. He’s a pig. But why the hell was he spending time with Kenya at all? She’s never been shy about her age (and anyone who can Google can sort out how old she is). Clearly, she thought they were dating, and he didn’t dissuade her from that belief one bit. Heck, he went to Anguilla with her and they stayed in the same room. I’m assuming this is Walter’s way of taking a dig at Kenya. Too bad it doesn’t make a lick of sense.
But Kenya, who is ALL about maturity and moving on at this party, even makes nice with Phaedra. Phaedra’s happy to bury the hatchet, but hopes it isn’t later buried in her back. I think Phaedra can handle herself just fine whether or not Kenya starts throwing figurative weaponry, honestly. It’s when Kenya starts throwing actual punches that she has to worry, and I don’t think anyone can ever rule out that possibility.
So, having waltzed around the party with a dashing date in a fabulous dress, Kenya sweeps out the door (no twirling, unfortunately) without even glancing in Walter’s direction. So… nothing happens, other than Apollo wears the ugliest jacket and tie combination I’ve seen that isn’t being worn by a used car salesman in a TV commercial. Kenya isn’t exactly a bastion of maturity (since she’s very happy to slam Walter behind his back), but she doesn’t kick up a fuss or get the guy in a headlock, so she’s pretty well-behaved. For a hot minute.
Because at the next party, Kandi’s housewarming, Kenya is not prepared to see Walter and, worse, shows up stag — while Walter drags along a pretty young thing whom he mostly ignores. Yes, I can see that Walter likes young women because… well, I’m not sure why, because he spends no time with this girl and seems utterly uninterested in her.
It gives a teensy bit of weight to Kenya’s argument, made while shopping for costumes with Cynthia, that Walter’s gay. In the time that they were dating, he showed absolutely no interest in her sexually, even when she was walking around naked in Anguilla. As Kenya puts it, “I’m all kind of chocolate; I’ve got a playground here, and you ain’t trying to play.” Although I fully believe Kenya is as crazy as a bedbug, I can’t blame her for being confused. Unless, of course, she hired Walter to be her boyfriend (as the Interwebs have suggested). In that case, I think Walter’s probably confused that Kenya’s confused. He may have thought he was just following the terms of the deal by keeping it in his pants. Which was apparently easy to do, since he likes young women he can treat like furniture.
Anyway, at Kandi’s party, Cynthia tries to steer Kenya away from Walter, though Peter, Phaedra and Apollo are hoping to be nearby when the inevitable fight breaks out. But when Kandi tells Kenya that Walter is there (and she didn’t invite him), Kenya is incensed! Not cool, not cool! She doesn’t even have her bodyguard with her! Because, as you know, she and Walter had a red hot affair that… wait, Walter isn’t even interested enough in Kenya to make out with her, much less push her around.
Anyway, she almost runs for the door she’s so eager to get away from Walter, whom she says is “stalking” her. Well, I think she might have a case if she sees him lurking around her house or hiding under her car, but as Cynthia says, Atlanta is a small place, and “Walter is going to be in the room a lot.” But, hey, whatever makes you feel better, Kenya.
There are a few other things that happen on this episode. NeNe does press in New York City, and I wonder why she’s still on the show except to bore us to death.
Porsha tells Kordell that all the other women think he’s controlling, and Kordell resists the urge to tell her, “Um, when you say I ‘let you’ go to Vegas, what do you expect?” Somehow the conversation becomes about how he wants her to decide between having a baby or a career, and I think, what career? But, apparently planning parties for charity is a career. Who knew? Anyway, he won’t let her have a nanny if they do have a baby, and she cries, and he wants them to pray for guidance.
I think Porsha should pray for an exit from this show, because it’s just forcing her to hang out with women who want her to dress up in plastic jumpsuits and pick fights. Kenya may be up to the task, but Porsha seems to find challenge enough in deciphering what Kordell is actually saying between all the malapropisms, made-up words, and sports terminology (Flicka flima flama!) Frimmin on the flap jam! Go team!) and picking out pretty dresses to wear. Hey, pick your battles, Porsha.
Do you think Kenya is overreacting? Why do you think Walter dated Kenya? Do you think Walter is gay?