Anyone else worried about Silas? Anyone? Just checking. It seems as if everyone on the show has gotten distracted with other stuff, so I’m guessing he’ll be on the front burner this week. Unless, say, Elena eats the wrong person or Caroline finds a working cell phone number for Tyler. Of course, these are valid distractions, but, ahem, Silas? You know, the one who wants to bring back all the dead supernatural beings? It would be sort of like “Torchwood” times 200. I’d totally watch that, mind you, but that would not be a good thing for our beloved vampires.
Damon and Elena take New York
First off, how awesome is it that this episode kicks off with Damon chomping on a couple to the strains of “Psycho Killer” by the Talking Heads? We’re in a flashback to 1977, when Damon gobbled his way through New York City. This is going to be so much fun. And with great music!
In present-day NYC, Damon tries to reassure Elena that the Big Apple is the place to be. “There’s so much life, a little death goes unnoticed,” he says, though I think New York isn’t quite the chaos machine he remembers. She thinks there’s a catch, and of course there is. Damon is hunting for any clues Will might have left behind. What he doesn’t know is that Elena is on to him. So, he tries to scam her as she scams him. Aw, they’re perfect for one another!
For a while, it’s all just adorable sightseeing and fond memories and googly-eyes. Elena gets a super cute haircut, and they visit Billy’s, the “underground of the underground” club where Damon used to hang out and suck blood. It’s also Will’s place, where he and Damon had a deal — Will let him feed on people, and Damon would give him their IDs. Yes, New York was a little rougher back in the olden days.
The good news? Even though Will isn’t around, Damon can still feed on people, and so can Elena. Unfortunately, they have a third wheel join them — Rebekah. Darling Rebekah, who is tailing Damon in the hopes he’ll lead her to the cure, is her usual charming self, which means not all that charming and gleefully intent on ruining Damon’s plans. That doesn’t mean she won’t take a break to slurp on a few club goers. Damon feeds with Elena, Damon and Elena feed with Rebekah, Elena feeds with Rebekah… I feel kind of dirty just watching this.
Damon manages to take a breather from all this bloody good fun just long enough to find some of Katherine’s old addresses in Will’s office (just wondering — has anyone noticed Will’s gone? More importantly, do they care? Eh, no big deal either way. Will, we hardly knew ye), then return to telling Elena about his time with Lexi back in 1977.
Remember Lexi? Lexi managed to jolly Stefan out of his killing phase, and now she’s doing Stefan a favor by performing the same therapeutic magic for Damon. Can I just say that Lexi doesn’t even try to look punk rock? At least Damon has white T-shirt (is that an anarchy symbol? Hard to see) and a black leather jacket. Jeez.
Lexi takes Damon drinking, hoping he’ll remember how good it was to be alive. She forces him to remember Katherine, hoping that by tapping into true love he’ll rediscover his humanity. Finally, after six months of this nonsense, he tells Lexi he’s made a realization. He has feelings, but not for Katherine. He has feelings for her. Kissing to the Ramones’ “Let’s Dance,” followed by what we can assume is enthusiastic screwing because we see none of it (hey, this is a family show! For some family, somewhere, I guess), happens. And they do it everywhere inside (and outside) Billy’s. On the bar, on the floor, on the roof…
But when Lexi wakes up on the roof (and does not have that handy daytime ring), she discovers the door is locked and Damon is schooling her big time. He only pretended to give a crap about her, and he’s trapping her on the roof as payment for the six months of nagging she put him through. Damon isn’t like Stefan — he doesn’t want to feel, and he’s not a mushy old wet blanket who will come around. As we know, Damon likes being a vampire. Personally, I like that Damon likes being a vampire. When he’s bad, he’s very good. But as we know he isn’t quite as bad as he was in 1977. These days, Elena is the big bad, and I have to wonder if she’s now bad enough to be a true doppleganger to Katherine.
Elena may actually be just as bad as Rebekah, if not worse. When Rebekah suggests they work together, Elena isn’t interested. Blondie is an “emotional variable,” because she has icky hopes and dreams and stuff, and wants to have a family. I would suggest that Rebekah might want to figure out who she wants to have a family with before she commits to this so fully, given that “I’ve been alive for hundreds and hundreds of years” is a tough thing to spring on a boyfriend, and I’m not entirely clear that a reproductive system that was undead and then alive again is going to spurt forth the healthiest of children. But whatever, Rebekah wants a family. And Elena thinks she’s a wuss. Go figure.
Elena, playing the part of enthusiastic tourist, lures Damon to the roof, where he had such fun torturing poor Lexi all those years before. “I’ve never done it on a rooftop before,” she purrs. Damon clearly wants to do it on a rooftop again, duh, but his emotional switch has been switched on by Elena, and he has all this ridiculous sense of responsibility wherever she’s involved. Elena reminds him that she’s not sired to him anymore, and they both want to do it, so why fight it? Damon, it should be noted, doesn’t have that much responsibility in him, maybe a half cup if that, or at least not enough to tamp down his hormones, so they start making out. And Elena starts searching his pockets. Damon shuts that business down. He’s no dummy, and he knows when he’s being frisked. This guy used to walk through Times Square when it was full of porn movie places and not a Disney Store and an Applebees, people!
So, it’s time for a Talk. Damon tries to convince Elena that, when she finally turns on her emotions again, she’ll feel awful about the rotten things she’s done. Elena has an itty bitty question. Why exactly did Damon spend six months plotting against Lexi in order to crush her spirit like a Disney princess on “Once Upon A Time”? Well, he doesn’t have a great explanation. He also mentions that he killed Lexi a few decades later so he wouldn’t have to be reminded of how lousy he was to her. I think this is a bit like killing someone after they win a game of Scrabble against you or you forget that you owe them $20, but okay. Damon logic is not necessarily logical. Anyway, Damon is sick of all this talking and informs Elena that she’s going to take the cure whether she likes it or not. Which is Rebekah’s cue to pop up and break his neck.
When Damon wakes up on the roof, Rebekah and Elena have the list of Katherine’s addresses, have Damon’s car, and have a goal — to get that cure. So, they’re working together, and they have a really “Thelma & Louise” vibe, like they might drive off the Brooklyn Bridge just for the hell of it (unlike Thelma and Louise, they’d be just fine anyway). Well, they’d better get that cure before a certain someone else does.
Silas and Bonnie are up to no good
Hey, remember Professor Shane? Dead Professor Shane? Well, he’s still dead, but now Silas is using his body, so hey, we get more Professor Shane! It turns out Silas says pretty much the same things Professor Shane did, so it’s not a big change or anything. Anyway, Silas/Shane is hanging out with Bonnie (as usual) and trying to get her to work on her expressionism. Remember when expressionism was a modernist art movement? Those were the days!
Anyway, Silas/Shane has one last thing he needs to do. Okay, two last things he needs to do. He needs to kill 12 witches to complete the “expressionism triangle” o’ death, and get the cure. If he does all that, he’ll then be able to destroy the other side and unleash all those dead supernatural things (as I mentioned before, “Torchwood” times 200). Apparently all of this is necessary because if he doesn’t get rid of the other side, he won’t be able to pass on and be reunited with his true love, who was supernatural. Because the only way he can pass on is as a mortal person. This is all so complicated I’d think Silas would just say, hey, you know, maybe I’ll go back to napping, can I get a lift back to the island?
But no, he’s going to squeeze all the witch power out of Bonnie like she’s a big, juicy witch fruit. While Silas tries to convince Bonnie’s dad he’s having problems helping Bonnie control her powers, the new mayor has had enough and orders him out of the house. Bonnie sets things on fire to get her way. Silas will not be going! And call Mom! She needs witches! And a later curfew! And Cheetos! Now!
Bonnie’s mom doesn’t come out to visit, given that she’s not a witch anymore, but Asia does. Asia is going to help Bonnie deal with her expressionism problem. But Bonnie needs more than one witch. Asia conveniently has a whole coven of 11 witches on hand. How lovely! Not too few, not too many! It’s just right! These very nice witches are going to help Bonnie, and what is Bonnie going to do? Try to kill them. I liked Bonnie better when she just followed Caroline and Elena around and occasionally did a helpful spell here or there.
But Bonnie couldn’t possibly pull this off, could she? Not with the Scooby gang on the case…
Stefan, Klaus and Caroline are the Scooby gang for the week
This week, the job of reading maps, spewing exposition and trying to save the day goes to Stefan, Klaus and Caroline. We also learn, thanks to Klaus, that minions are usually given the task of picking up the dry-cleaning for evil ones, which is just good to know. Anyway, the trio pieces it all together that Silas/Shane and Bonnie have this horrible plan to kill a bunch of witches, and set off to find them.
There’s also ample time for Klaus to make another play for Caroline, and for Caroline to be all judgey and dismissive of him. He’s trying to kill her Tyler! He’s mean! She thought he was nice, but now she doesn’t like him anymore! “People who do terrible things are just terrible people,” she says as Klaus’ eyes mist over. This high and mighty thing, of course, will come back to bite Caroline in the ass.
Stefan finds the witch party, and makes the mistake of telling Asia that Bonnie is under Silas/Shane’s spell. Asia pulls out a knife to kill Bonnie. I mean, come on, it’s the only way! Stefan doesn’t exactly agree with that, but given that Asia tosses him into a tree, he can’t really make a cohesive case for leniency.
Caroline and Klaus come running to the scene just as Asia is about to kill Bonnie. So, what does Caroline do? She makes Asia stab herself. Which causes allll of the witches to die, because they were linked. They kind of fall over one after the other, like the world’s creepiest dominos. “The triangle is complete,” Bonnie says, all white-eyed and creepy.
Stefan takes Bonnie home, but the next morning, she isn’t white-eyed anymore (thank God) and she doesn’t remember anything since leaving the island. In fact, she doesn’t remember Jeremy dying. Poor Stefan. He has to break the news to her, as if this hasn’t been a crappy enough week.
Back at the witch pile, Klaus buries all of them and gives Caroline a talking to. Clearly, she has problems with simple math, or she would have realized one is less than twelve. But that one was Bonnie! It suddenly hits Caroline that she’s killed 12 innocent people. “You look like you’re in need of comfort,” Klaus says, before delivering the zinger. “Why don’t you find someone less terrible you can relate to?” Caroline blinks. I wish they wouldn’t fight. They’re so cute together. When they aren’t busy insulting one another.
Of course, Klaus is about to get a zinger of his own. Silas/Shane shows up and demands that he go get him the cure. Klaus isn’t scared of him — right up until Silas jabs the one thing that actually can kill him, a white oak stake, in his back and leaves half of it inside of him, as a reminder. He’ll be in touch. And now Klaus is officially switching sides. Again. Hey, wait, when does he go to New Orleans, anyway?
Who do you think will get the cure? What do you think happens to Bonnie now? And do you think Elena is going to flip her emotional switch soon or not?