We, the gimlet-eyed writers of KSK, are not without our analytical side. What is going on in the shittier cities in Florida is not going unnoticed. Indeed, we find it behooves us to deliver the shocking truth:
They are hording mediocre quarterbacks.
Florida, of course, is a bizarre state, a silly place. Why else would fark.com and every car that cuts me off on the Beltway have Florida tags? Coincidence? Surely it is not.
Tampa Bay was first to start the proliferation. Garcia, Simms, Plummer, Gradkowski, probably another Bush brother in there somewhere. It’s a sly plot to engender gay jokes and maybe draw a litte attention to a team that’s bound to vie with the Vikings for the NFC cellar.
End of story? Was the Anschluss the end of the story?
It appears Jacksonville is content no longer just to be the bearer of a soigne head coach, whose hints of professionalism belie the 45 minutes of fervent masturbation in his Tercel before gametime. Now they want a bunch of quarterbacks who break down a quarter of the way through the season. And not even Donovan McNabb.
What’s most disturbing is that none of the players on the roster seem to give a damn. Certainly some more sinister motive beyond winning nine or 10 games and narrowly missing the playoffs is at work here.
If Anthony Wright shows up next, you’ll know we were onto something.