Int. Jessica Simpson’s living room.
Tony: You got Romo!
Nick: Yo, Tony, it’s Lachey!
Tony: Hey man, how’ve you been.
Nick: Same old shit. But hey, Mayer and I are in town and we had such a good time at the Cosmo awards we wanted to know if you could come out tonight?
Tony: Oh, I don’t know. Jess and I have dinner reservations, and then I’m penciled in for a solid hour of cuddle time.
Nick: Fuck that man, let’s go get some whores.
Tony: Damn, it has been awhile since I’ve had a good dirty fuck.
Nick: Jessica still thinks it’s gross?
Tony: You know it.
John: Tony, it’s Mayer.
John: Yeah, I have a way for you to get out of there. It worked for me once when I was supposed to go to one of Ashley’s concerts.
Tony: Oh yeah? But won’t Jess notice I’m gone.
John: Well that’s just it, you need a stand-in.
Tony: But I don’t have one.
John: Are you at Jessica’s place?
John: Perfect. One time I took Jessica to Six Flags and I won her a big stuffed doll. Whenever I needed to get away I’d just put it on the couch and slip away very slowly.
Tony: Where is it?
John: Check the back of the hall closet, I’ll hold on.
Tony: I don’t know, it certainly isn’t very lifelike.
John: Trust me, she’ll never even notice. She just needs something cute on her arm at all times. If anything, she’ll just think your cuddlier than usual.
Tony: OK, I’m doing it. I’ll meet you at the end of the block in five minutes… this better work.
John: Don’t worry about it.
Later that evening…
Image via WWTDD