Donovan McNabb Used To Drop Buckets
WILL SMIFF CALLS THE SHOTS AROUND HERE

What Mysteries Lurk Within a Jungle Deep

By 11.19.08

[The sound of volcanoes exploding in the distance blends with the cawing of exotic birds and the howls of unidentifiable beasts. A few long-haired wild men swing from the trees, dropping into sight only to snag lava rocks just before they hit the ground]

Ben Roethlisberger: HI WILDERNESS UNTOUCHED BY MAN

THANKS FOR BRINGING ME TO YOUR ISLAND, TROY. EVER SINCE SOME KID POINTED A LIGHT GUN AT ME AT THE GAMESTOP, I DON’T FEEL SAFE! GOTTA FIND BODYGUARD IN YOUR VERSION OF THE SAVAGE LAND! CAN IT BE SAURON?

Troy Polamalu: [Mutters something softly about Jesus]

Ben: THE JEEBUS MAY WORK FOR YOU, BUT THE JEEBUS DON’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT TIES!

Troy: [Complains softly about the NFL’s increasingly stringent policy on hits]

Ben: BEN NO PANSY! JUST NEED FEEL SAFE WHEN OUT IN PUBLIC

[Dense jungle brush flies open]

Samoan Warrior: UUUUNNNNNNNGGGGGGGAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Ben: HALP! [Runs behind Troy]

[Troy and the warrior exchange flying headbutts, get up, stare at each other uneasily, then shake hands.]

Troy: He’ll be your bodyguard now.

Ben: BEN HAS BODYGUARD NOW! CAN BE JUST LIKE PACMAN! OH BEN GONE DRANK! BEN GONE DRANK 10 RED BULLS AND STAY UP PLAYING FALLOUT 3! HARF HARF HARF


TAGSben rongrastnamepolamalu islandxmas apeyes there will be a live blog tomorrow

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