Bad News, Bills: Running back Marshawn Lynch, AKA e.e. crunkings, will be suspended for the first three games of the coming season after the off-season traffic stop that led to an illegal gun conviction. It will cost him about $112,000 in salary, which may delay his trip to Fiji to see if the water is really like that.
But worry not, Bills fans. As Marshawn stated in his most recent blog post:
its been kinda rough dis last month on me… but i held it together and stayed strong … i figured what don’t kill me make me stronger… i know i messed up before and even fumbled, but it’s something about me that a lot of people wouldn’t believe… i put my shirt and pants on da same way u do… but on a nother note, we started workouts again and its time to do work all over again… hold ya chin up… nuh nuh nuh… gone
Oh, Marshawn, you make me want to give up capital letters forever.