Two warnings to UK NFL fans: 1) the Bucs are about as competitive as the London Silly Nannies
and betting against the Patriots can lead to embarrassing consequences (NSFW!)
A possible Super Bowl preview headlines an otherwise lackluster lineup of early games…
Minnesota at Pittsburgh – The undefeated Vikings come into Heinz Field for the first ever meeting of Brett Favre and Ben Roethlisberger. However, the outcome might not turn on either quarterback but the absence of the Vikes’ corner Antoine Winfield who is out for up to a month. If the Steelers come up with a victory today, maybe Roethlisberger can crack Trent Dilfer’s dumbass top five list.
New England vs. Tampa Bay – The NFL makes another visit to London today, even if it’s not the spectacle it once was. If the Brits are going to get four games per season, it’s high time they get accustomed to the great American tradition of the “dog game.” Most television markets won’t even get this game; which is a good thing considering that the Bucs are involved. However, Tampa Bay will have more fans in attendance than you might expect.– the Bucs have a strong British following. You go England, enjoy the game and your spotted dick.
Green Bay at Cleveland—The Packers are longing for the early days of the season when their offensive line was only shitty—now the line is injured AND shitty. The rest of the offensive isn’t much healthier, forcing the team to sign Zombie Ahman Green to shore up their depleted running game. The Pack would be screwed if they were playing an NFL team, instead they have a friendly against the Cleveland Browns– a mid-tier Big Ten team.
San Francisco at Houston – Both former Presidents Bush will be at the game; so if you’re going, try not to look like a slob for once. Frank Gore returns from an ankle injury—much to the relief of millions of desperate fantasy team owners. The Niners got ripped by Atlanta 45-10 in their last game, so you can be sure that Matt Shaub and Andre Johnson (the league’s best touchdown combination) have CB Nate Clements square in their sights. Michael Crabtree makes his first career start today and intends to mark the occasion by playing in a suit and wearing an old-timey helmet.
“Outta the way! Game’s about to start!”
San Diego at Kansas City—The unexpected death of LaDanian Tomlinson (1979-2008, RIP), has turned the Chargers into a one-dimensional passing team (kind of like the Dan Fouts teams of old, except much, much worse). The Chiefs on the other hand have built some momentum thanks to their one game winning streak. I think the Chiefs win today, but I can’t call one crap team beating another an “upset”.
“Peyton Manning’s only game in the Edward Jones Dome was a horrible loss — a 42-17 pasting by the Greatest Show On Turf team in 2001 — and produced some of the most pedestrian numbers of his life: 15 of 28, 195 yards, no touchdowns, one pick. If he has a game worse than that this week, this I vow: I will go a year without mentioning the words ‘Starbucks’ and ‘Red Sox’ in Monday Morning Quarterback. Promise.”
So needless to say, we are hoping for a superhuman effort from the SOSA Rams’ defense, or since there is no way in hell that’s going to happen, a catastrophic injury to Manning on the Colts’ first possession. Sorry, Pey-Pey, it’s nothing personal. [ thanks to Dave for the lofty tip ]