An Open Letter To Freddie Gibbs & Pill
"So Get Backstage, I'm Here To Take The Stage Back"

Putting the Super Mario Bros. Above These Hos

By 10.11.09

The Niners defense is already on my good side for putting up 39 points in fantasy last week, which almost single-handedly gave me a victory over Ufford. Nevermind that they might have a hard time duplicating that feat against a team not as surpassingly awful as the Rams, I still dig ’em, but mostly because criminally unrecognized linebacker Patrick Willis don’t mess with none of them womenfolk who try to get in the way of his video gaming.

Cosmo: What’s something a woman might say that would turn you off?
Patrick: “If she said she doesn’t like men who play video games, that would be a problem. I’m a video game fanatic!”

YEAH – AIN’T NO PUSSY GOOD ENOUGH TO STOP ME FROM GETTING THE NEW GRAND THEFT AUTO DLC LATER THIS MONTH! YOU GET TO PARACHUTE IN THAT JOINT! I CAN’T PARACHUTE INTO NO PUSSY! YOU GET PUSSYCHUTES, MAYBE WE TALK!

I also greatly anticipate what will likely be a minimum 30 cutaway shots to the finally signed Michael Crabtree on the sidelines during this game. Which hilariously dated cultural icon will be joining him today?

I’m also a little concerned that the Falcons seem to be the overwhelming consensus choice to win this game. DON’T PEOPLE KNOW SHAUN HILL IS 7-0 AS A STARTER IN CANDLESTICK?

In other late game notes:

  • Matt Hasselbeck is expected to start for the first time since Sept. 20, as Jacksonville pays a visit to Seattle. With 19 catches for 278 yards and three touchdowns over the past three weeks, Mike Sims-Walker has emerged as – get this! – an actual receiving threat for the Jags. Apparently this is the year where teams get the one commodity that they frequently lack – the Bears, a quarterback; the Ravens, a passing game; the Jaguars, a receiver; the Lions, a win.
  • Oh great – a completely disingenuous Brandon Marshall interview with Michael Irvin about burnishing his image. Because game-winning TDs completely erase repeated domestic assault charges, or stabbing your teammate with scissors! Troy Aikman said no one works harder at practice! I SEE A NOBEL PRIZE FOR PRACTICE IN YOUR FUTURE, BRANDON!
  • The Texans and the Cardinals ideally would be a non-stop barrage of Andre Johnson and Larry Fitzgerald breaking 75-yard touchdowns despite seeing double coverage on every play. But they always disappoint you by only getting 45-yard scores. Call me finicky, but those aren’t quite as flashy to me.

  • TOPICS#video games
    TAGSopen threadPATRICK WILLISpussychutexmas ape

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