By: 12.01.09

Gruden: I tell you what, Jaws. THIS GUY… Drew Brees… HE CAN MAKE ALL THE THROWS! You see that Sluggo pattern? That’s the old slant and go pattern, the Sluggo. And THESE GUYS… the New Orleans Saints… they know how to throw that Sluggo pattern deep.

Jaws: It’s what we talked about… ROUTE. DISCIPLINE. And when you look at the New Orleans Saints, you see a team that has ROUTE. DISCIPLINE. The slants! The Sluggos! The button hooks! The deep outs! I believe these New Orleans Saints are OUTSTANDING at throwing the FOOTball. But the New Orleans Saints can also run the FOOTball. The New Orleans Saints can do so many things with the FOOTball. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS!

Gruden: And we haven’t even talked about Mike McKenzie! THIS GUY… what else can you say? THAT GUY has played a lot of football! And he’s playing football tonight for THESE GUYS… the New Orleans Saints!

Delivery Boy: Hey, did one of you order Chinese?

Jaws: (louder) Coach, this is what we talked about earlier. DELIVERING. WHEN. IT. MATTERS.

Gruden: THIS CHINAMAN… Tung Mee. He is bringing the HEAT tonight!

Jaws: (even louder) You’re telling me! It’s what we talked about earlier, Coach. Sticking. With. Your. Hot. Guy. The spring rolls! The scallion pancakes! The Szechuan Triple Crown! The Dragon and Phoenix! That is a fantastic CHINESE example of getting the CHINESE food out to your best CHINESE food eaters! That’s something we always talk about, Coach. Let your best CHINESE food eaters eat CHINESE food.

Delivery Boy: Uh… that’s gonna be twenty dollars.

Gruden: (takes out twenty) Now THIS GUY.. Andrew Jackson! OLD HICKORY is what they used to call him! Because when you put THIS GUY, OLD HICKORY, in charge of the Tennessee Militia during the creek war… THIS GUY OLD HICKORY IS GONNA GET YOU SOME SCALPS!

Jaws: (jet engine loud) It’s what. We. Talked. About. Earlier. MASSACRE. DISCIPLINE. The beheadings! The flayings! The disembowelings. PREPARATION. That’s what we talk about when we talk about Andrew OLD HICKORY Jackson.

Delivery Boy: Do you guys happen to know the score of the game?

Gruden: JAWS, DOES THIS GUY LOVE FOOTBALL OR WHAT? I love THESE GUYS that just go out, buckle up, and live for the game!

Jaws: (louder than Motorhead concert) We haven’t even talked about these New England Patriots yet! I expected more out of the New England Patriots tonight, Coach. We’re so used to seeing them in control of the FOOTball. The short passes to Faulk! Welker getting his yards after the catch! Moss deep! But YOU. CANNOT. RELY. ON. JUST. YOUR. OFFENSE. It’s what we talked about earlier, Coach. GAP. DISCIPLINE.


Delivery Boy: Never mind.

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