Yes. Yesssssss. Share with us the magic markers of unfathomable sadness. Don’t worry, Jon Kitna has a lot of sternly worded homilies to share with you about the hidden advantages of hardship.
Here are abandoned remains of your hero:
Stumbled on by a stray official wandering an emptied-out Cowboys Stadium. A once vibrant smile frozen in decaying flesh. This would be the opening shot of The Walking Dead in my version, just before Zombie Rom lunges into the refs’ neck.
Oh, you bandwagon assholes don’t care about baseball. That’s it – all my rooting interest is thrown behind that charming stoner Lincecum and his fat buddy Sandoval.
Oh, and Gruden can get stuffed for dubbing the Giants receiving corps “Jet Blue” then dimly explaining to the audience that, shucks, he was inspired by this random airline company that someone might have heard of. Double dickpunches to Tirico for boasting that JetBlue Tweeted a response to Jaws and Gruden to smartly take advantage of the stupid golden opportunity for free whoring.
Oh, you’re lucky your flights are cheap and you carry SundayTicket or this would convince me to pretend like I could consider more expensive flight options.