This gives me a hard-on. I could listen to NFL fans boo Roger Goodell for hours. Bravo, football fans. Bra. VO.
[mocksession via SB Nation]
Roger tries to play it off like “Oh, you scamps,” but you know he wishes he had the power to have people executed. Maybe that’s one of the sticking points in the negotiations.
He reminds me of Chappelle in whiteface during the racial draft sketch.
“Quiet down, will you? Would you quit the malarky? A white man is talking here!”
Absolutely glorious. He went home and had an angry tears workout.
Also enjoyed the close-up of the Giants fan chanting out of rhythm.
Also enjoyed the Vikings’ pick.
If only Mr. Feeny was Commissioner…
Come now, Rog. They’re not saying “boo”, they’re saying “I hope you choke on the barbed cock of satan and die painfully”.
The Rog used this vitriol as fuel to pump out an extra 100 one handed pull ups on top of his usual 500 this morning.
What a smarmy piece of shit.
Did you see his tweet from last night? “I agree with fans here at Radio City. We want football. I’m with you, I get it.”
Fuck you. You’re not with us. You fucking hate us. If you could have football where you don’t pay the players and we don’t get to see the games, you would have it that way. Fuck off and die, you dirty greedy cunt discharge.
Nice loophole to the boos with that moment of silence.
“I agree with fans here at Radio City.”
That you’re a power-drunk douche? That’s mighty white of you, sir. Maybe they wanted to see you work out on the stage, ala Jack Palance? “BOOOOOOurpees?”
Smithers: “They’re not saying Boo they’re saying Goo…dell.”
Goodell: “Were you saying Boo or Gooooodell?”
Hans Moleman: “I was saying Goooodell.”
How I despise these peasant festivals. Oh my stars and garters, who told them they were allowed to speak? I need to remember to ask Snyder how to fine plebeians that get uppity. What was it he called it? Suing? Can I sue all these mouthbreathers? Ugh, I cannot WAIT to go back to carrying the piss bucket for entitled billionaires.
“I agree with the fans here at Radio City. I want to have football played. That’s why I and all the owners are working together to stop this injunction that is jeopardizing the ability for us to play football by demanding that we play football. It’s this sort of evil manuevering by the NFLPA in its attempts to get us to play football that prevents us from playing football. See? I’m totally on your side.”
Are they saying “Boo” or “Boourns”?
Peter King hand delivered a quad venti non-fat latte along with a raspberry strudel to The Rog this morning in order to try soothe the wounded heart of this unfairly embattled American hero.
Is his tongue out because Jerry Richardson is behind him with a vibrating butt plug?
I will play this clip over and over and over. Fuck you Sheriff Ginger. Fuck you very much.
I’ve actually softened my stance on Goodell. He probably does want football. He probably is on the side of the fans. However… He has a boss. 32 bosses, actually. And he’s the face of their dickish behavior. You know what? For $10mil per year, I’d be the the focal point of the anger of a few million fans…
I love how he goes from midly surprised, to trying to laugh it off to completely pissed by the time the video ends. The only thing that could have made that moment better would have been to see Judge Nelson walk across the stage and hand him her “FUCK YOU, I’m not staying my previous ruling” ruling. Then her walking off the stage while pointing at the fans.
/gangsta I tells ya
//str8 cash homie
///goes back to work
Nick Saban looks like he’s actually enjoying himself.
This is because the sorrow of others is the only that can nourish him.
I was hoping for the “Gary Bettman” chant, but Jets fans aren’t that clever. Oh well, there’s always next year.
This proves that Gingers are not real people.
Roger really wished he had gone with his original plan, “Operation Get-Behind-The-Darkies.” Would’ve kept him safe from those meanies.
@Brutus–Now, be reasonable. It’s really only men with red hair who are subhuman. We ginger girls are perfectly do-able!
@ Dreadhawk: You have NO idea how right you are sir.
FU RG. Go do some squats over a flaming sword. And I don’t buy that he’s merely along for the ride. Somewhere in that group of 33 there has to be ONE sane individual who says “Wait a sec boys, we could end up getting hoisted by our own petard”
The Ravens fan chick at :47 rubbing out a facial on herself is a nice bonus.
I’m with Mandy. As we all know, CGG has proven that even girls *pretending* to be gingers are still worthy of admiration. Among other things.
Was Ravens girl still chanting when they whiffed on their pick?
Pretend gingers are as bad as fake tits, if you ask me.
Boos are a kind of noise…
Yeah that was pretty great. Gotta say though the rather unnecessary moment of silence was a damn smooth move by the Rog.
I was saying boourns…
/gratuitous simpsons references
“Looks like all of Philadelphia is here because the boo-birds are out!”
OH FUCK YOU BERMAN
Gruden, on the possibility of the Patriots picking a QB: “Maybe they’ll choose a young quarterback and let Brady groom him.”
Have you seen Brady’s hair? He’s not grooming anyone.
The Rog still drawing boos on night 2. Good times.
Gruden: “…a couple of guys were tweeting or twaating…”
Damn that’s some rack on Andy Dalton’s girlfriend. Thumbs up ginger boy.
Man, I was really drunk last night. I thought I saw the Vikings took Christian Ponder in the first round. No more Grey Goose and Red Bull for me.
Kaepernick? Man, Ryan Mallett must really like drugs.
I’m calling it now, Atlanta is going to trade their 1st and 3rd in 2013, their 1st and 2nd in 2014, their 2nd in 2015, and their 2nd in 2016 for ‘Zona’s 2nd rounder this year and will take that long snapper who made that video of himself snapping the ball into trash cans and trucks.
I hear ya.
SHUT THE FUCK UP, SERFS! I WILL END YOU!
No, I hear ya.
Kiper Jr. just let us know that Jabaal Sheard is a player. If I were the Browns I would have drafted an equipment manager instead.
Gruden just dropped 5 THIS GUYs in that last rundown of Ryan Williams alone. Thank god I’m not doing that drinking game like I did last night, I’d be dead soon.
If it weren’t for these ‘experts’ (read: egomaniacs) using their ‘knowledge’ (read: index cards the producer handed them) to ‘explain these picks’ (read: get in face time), we’d probably be in the 3rd round by now.
@ UFL please tell me you didn’t play ” this / that guy ” ? Early liver damage to be sure. It’s best if each player has a separate announcer. For Ethel Mermen Bermen anytime he comes up with a nickname.
Seeing as how I’m still at the office, I’m left watching the live ticker on SI.com. Next year I’m doing this for the first round too. It’s incredible: the camera assholes aren’t blowing all the picks before they’re made (figuratively *or* literally), I don’t have to listen to THIS GUY/THAT GUY/HAIRDO at all, and I still eventually see who’s been picked and who remains. Why has everyone been keeping this secret from me?
Aaaaaaand still no DB for the Boys.
Charles Haley announces pick; does not take his penis out to masturbate. I’m disappointed.
But you don’t get the fun and excitement of having us mock the selection of Christian Ponder.
Also, the Bengals followed up a ginger with another ginger. THAT’S SOME GOOD DRAFTIN’ THERE.
@DancingBaptist – Yes I did play the THIS GUY drinking game last night. I apologize for things I may or may not have said last night in the live blog. I don’t remember much of it. Gruden did me in quick.
Shefter looks like an evil Easter Bunny.
Aaron Glenn’s technicolor shirt and pocket square gets two thumbs up from me.
The Bengals prefer to draft gingers because they feel that their ability to blend in with their uniforms gives them a strategic advantage.
Another LB for the Texans, huh? Ok well,I’d stay and comment more, but I need to head down to Houston. I’m think I’m still listed as the nickel corner on the depth chart.
You know there’s a 99.9999953% chance that Christian Ponder would still have been there for the Vikes to take here in the 2nd round. But hey when you get a chance to draft a guy who’s ceiling is Pennington-esque you have to absolutely make sure you take him first chance you can get.
Barry Sanders looking like a high school English teacher.
If Bowers actually makes it back down to the Ravens, I’ll be both astounded and delighted. Injury woes? Pfft. Knee problems trump pre-cracked skull any day.
Orlando Franklin is going to haunt my nightmares. Holy shit.
Shockingly I was actually able to understand Shannon Sharpe today. Maybe he only keeps the marbles in his mouth for the CBS NFL pregame show?
Marshall Faulk just announced that pick like he was at Def Poetry Jam.
Who the fuck is that guy Oakland just picked? Was that you, 85?
Me? The Penn State guy? I would like to puke on your shoes, sir.
whats up with Goodell continually butchering the names of each team’s iconic players?
Condition: Lockiout is back on and man The Rog just horribly mangled Natrone Means’ name.
The Ginger doesn’t know how to pronounce Natrone Means?!?!? Kudos on the football fandom, fucktard!
Oh, and thank you Denver Broncos, for ignoring the glaring hole in the middle of the defensive line, despite having Austin and Paea waiting for back to back picks in the second round!
/puts on Tebow jersey and searches for pistol or rope and chair…
Hey, the Vikes drafted another crappy white queef! Now where did I put the wood alcohol…
Bowers finally off the board. No word yet on whether he’ll be bringing his knee with him to Tampa.
Anyone else thinking all these former players coming in to announce players are akin to strike breakers? Here’s one to announce bone-on-bone has been drafted.
Of course a Bengal fan is one of the two fans cheering Goodell, because if there is any fanbase that should support their team’s owner, it is Bengal’s.
I gotta stop showing up late! Mandy, you’re a ginger girl? SSUUUUUH-weeeet!
And as to Tom Brady grooming a young QB, I thought we weren’t going to talk about the depressing mailbag topic anymore?
/hates self for that joke
Goddamn it, Jerry Reese, we need linemen.
@ Dancing Baptist, the Ethel Merman Berman bit is pure gold. But we both know PK much more strongly resembles young Thurman Merman Berman, all grow’ed up.
The Detroit Lions next pick will be announced by some guy we pulled off the street.
I wish that Lions fan had thrown in a “Goodell sucks” at the end of his announcement.
Aaaaaaaaaand the Boys take a running back in the 3rd round. No no don’t take a DB I really like watching Jenkins and Newman getting burned all game long each week.
/pours gasoline all over body
I know the Phins needed a running back and they want to fill Henne with confidence, but really, is it that big of a deal to take a flyer on Ryan Mallett?
And RYAN FACKIN MALLET IS A FACKIN PATRIOT
Jon Gruden will not stand for negative attitude. Kiper, McShay, you can both check your criticisms at the door!
Wonder what TAHMMY thinks of RAAYYYUHHHN in BAHSTUHN?
Whadd it do Beantown. Where da hos at?
My name Ryan Mallet. U mighta heard of me. I throw da football around a lil bit.
See? Philly isn’t the only home to booing fans…
Wait, so is Mallett Will Hunting? The hard as nails tough kid that someone needs to bond with, so that his inner child can be relieved of its pain? If so, is Brady the Robin Williams character? No, Belichick would be him. So who is Brady? Affleck? Or the guy he beats up in the bar? Oh Topper, I’m so confused….
I got nothing here. I’m thrilled to death with our picks so far. I can’t even muster the hate to make fun of the Vikings for taking a quarterback in the first that would almost assuredly be available in the second, or the Titans or Jaguars for taking rookie quarterbacks that are going to get eaten alive by the Colts twice a year.
With the Colts’ D? I highly doubt it MB. Giving Manning the ball at 2:00 to win the game does not constitute “eaten alive.” More like “scrape their shin.”
Go fuck yourself, Monkey Business. The lack of surprise that anyone would feel to hear that you like the Colts’ picks is only surpassed by their complete lack of interest in hearing you say it. I hope you die in a fire and end up in some miserable netherworld where your fat hump of an ass is fed nothing but salad and you are forced to watch the Tracy Porter interception over and over again, Clockwork Orange style, until the simple sight of a Colts uniform makes you curl into a fetal ball of nauseous dread.
/wouldn’t normally waste my time with a rant like this but I’m stuck on the tarmac with fuck-all else to do.
I don’t get the DeMarco Murray pick for the Cowboys. That makes: Barber, Choice, Jones and Murray in the backfield. Is JERRAL planning on installing the Wishbone? Is one of em done? (Barber would be my guess). In any event, what about CB? Is ol Double-J gonna pay through the nose for the Oakland DB?
Todd McShay: ginger?
Aaand lockout is back on. Fucking Republican judges.
You guys are missing the most important thing here. HIS DAD WAS A SENATOR.
@DancingBaptist – I kinda understand the DeMarco Murray pick. Sort of. Maybe. There’s a legitimate 35% chance that I understand that pick. I, like you, feel that Marion Barber’s days as a Dallas Cowboy are over, and I’m fine with that because he’s not good anymore and generally injured half the season to boot. Felix Jones was good when he was quick, except last year he lost his quickness. So unless Felix Jones magically gets his quickness back this upcoming hypothetical season that makes Tashard Choice their best RB. Now I actually like Tashard Choice… as a #2 or #3 RB. If Tashard Choice is your #1 RB then your running game is not good.
With that said I don’t feel like DeMarco Murray is going to be anything great. So if the Boys didn’t draft him and would keep Barber then they would have a backfield consisting of 3 mediocre halfbacks. With Barber presumably gone and DeMarco Murray on the team they have a backfield consisting of… *drum roll* 3 mediocre halfbacks.
More importantly I feel their need at DB is much greater. I understand not picking a DB in the first round since the drop-off from Patrick Peterson, who was already gone, to the next best DB was rather significant and they could probably get the same level of talent in round 2 as they would if they took a DB in round 1. Plus I really like Tyron Smith. But not taking a DB in rounds 2 & 3?
@ UFL. Ayep. I suppose JERRAL is planning on making waves in free agency.
From ” Get to know a draft pick”
I’m thinking this guy would’ve been a better fit in Detroit with Farley and Suh.
I can see the Cutler tweets now: “@Sitting this week out. My vagina hurts. Plus I don’t feel like getting decapitated. Whatever.”
Mandy – As long as you can provide a long form birth certificate, I believe you.
Mandy – As long as you can provide proof the curtains match the drapes, I believe you.
Danny boy sees Jerrah’s Big 12 RB (Murray) and raises him … a Big 12 RB (Helu). Ice water Danny, ice water in your little elfin veins.
Tandon Doss(WR Indiana) has be ‘Best Available’ for a damn long time. Does he have issues? Did he rape a Fat Hump? Walk out on a check after a shrimp cocktail binge?
…has been ‘Best…
@Spanky – I guess Danny Boy and Shanny feel Helu is going to be their Factor Back.
UCL Yuuup. Sadly, Shanny will grease Helu up with fake tanning oil an the fast fucker wiil be a thousand yarder.
Is there some law that states that in order to be a tight end in the NFL you have to be a basketball player? I’m predicting the next trend right now: Nose tackles that were also sprig board divers.
Or even spring board divers.
The Tony Gonzalez Effect?
I got a hella good belly-flop; I think I’ll head to Cowboys camp.
/opens beer instead
Some good names I didn’t know going in the 5th:
‘Bust ‘er skrine? I gotta fine ‘er skrine first!’
Wrecked’um? Damn near killed’um!
I understand the need for D-tackles for the Donkeys, however Von Miller looks like he will be a beast rusher and good all around playa. I like what they did, but I’m comparing to the last two years of dismantling the team, so any improvement looks good. Suzy looked so fucking cute; I just want to rub my beer soaked Rod Smith jersey all over her olive oiled body…..
While it is on me of course.
/Loved the boos too
UCL: sprig divers; it takes strength and agility to excel in that sport. Plus they smell like parsley.
@Moose – I wanted so badly to be on the Sprig Diving Team in high school. I tried out my sophomore year but fell short. For the next 8 months I trained hard everyday and was hopeful that my junior year I’d make it. Then came that devastating little toe sprain on my left foot and my dreams were dashed. The closest I got to the Sprig Diving Team was helping taking care of the equipment and uniforms for my last two years of high school. Aaaaaaah that earthy smell…
My Jr. High Sprig Diving Team developed the pre-packaged ‘Baby Greens’ you see in the store today. True story.
/gettin’ outa control
I live in Colorado; in the winter the sprig diving teams keeps in shape by working with wreaths….
The current Broncos linebacking corps is over by the good printer, printing out 31 resumes.
So Caveman, when you were injured, were you wages garnished?
*massive run-on sentence alert* This is the sort of insanity that happens when the game we all love to watch is locked out, the future is uncertain, we’re in the midst of the barren windswept moonscape that is the off-season, and the only thing tiding us over, the draft, is in the later rounds where I’m not even going to try to pretend that I know anything about the vast majority of these guys. At this point the only thing keeping me from going on a random, crazed, bloodlust-fueled killing spree is Suzy Kolber looking FUH-HUH-HIIIIINE!
Trent Dilfer just said that Jake Locker is accurate “in moments.” Yeah, just like Ben Roethlisberger is non-rapey in moments.
According to the WWL the Packers no longer have any ‘team needs’. Well fuck them sideways.
/looks at Cowboys team needs
/writes strongly worded e-mail for Princeton Boy
Again to reiterate, you are drafted into the NFL, where upon shaking the hand of the Commissioner (boo), you are told, “sorry, can’t pursue your chosen profession with US”.
Makes zero sense. Hell, each draft pick should’ve initiated their own lawsuit and as they shook hands with Gingersnaps, handed him a subpoena.
With the 252nd pick in the 2011 NFL draft the Cowboys select: Bill Nagy C Wiskhansin.
Uninformed hate is fun! WHEEEEE!
Let’s see how the Giants addressed their lack of a good linebacker. What’s that? Two 6th-round picks? They picked a DT in the second round despite having Barry Cofield who is good for at least three more years and Canty who is serviceable? A third round WR pick even though the Giants have two young great WR’s that make huge plays?
Who the fuck let Vinny Cerrato in the war-room?
The Broncos now have enough pash rushers to kill Marmalard.
/hoping they address other team needs during FA (if FA happens)
//hoping they have a plan mapped out for FA
Fans in Denver are idiots; say average draft is seven players, say six make the team, 53 players on team plus eight on the practice squad is 61, so roughly 10% of the team is from the draft. You cannot meet all needs in the draft!! I know you guys know this, I seem to be drunk typing to radio call-ins like in The Big Fan, sorry.
end of rant
But you see Moose, they hold this “draft” every year. So you can keep players from previous drafts. So players you’ve drafted…if you do it well….can comprise much more than 10% of the team. I am a Broncos fan. I am in Las Vegas, but I am as big an idiot as any who ever walked the streets of Denver. And my frustration stems from the fact that, with an exception here or there, the team has not been able to draft its way out of a nutsac for going on a decade plus. This is especially true on the defensive side of the ball.
For me personally, it’s not so much that the team didn’t meet “all needs” through the draft. It’s that the most glaring of all the glaring problems in _enver was the lack of a quality DT. That’s been true in Denver for a loooooooooong time. And despite this being hailed as an exceptionally deep draft for DTs, the Broncos came away with exactly……0!
Moose, I apologize. I only read your last comment. See what happens when I read the comments in reverse order, because my 3rd Glenlivet made me think that was the better idea?
/stabs self in eye with scotchy smelling ice cube
What I’m getting at is that these fans expect it to be fixed RIGHT NOW with players the pundits tell them are GREAT. Since we are moving to a 4-3 they may feel that the d-line rotation with the addition of some FAs can do it and they focused on LB to pressure, pursue, PD and move to end on passing downs. The DT position was never fully converted to a 3-4 so we do have some guys who can play 4-3 (not that well, but good enough). Good old Josh got rid of the good offensive players replacing them with average to good players and continued Shanny’s neglect of the D, trashing the team. I’m not ready to condemn the current bunch for not picking a DT now; I’m hoping they have their reasons.
/One of three here who talk Broncos; sorry Kommen-tators.
At least you can just skip it, unlike Monkey Bs.
So I guess the Cowboys will be playing the Nnamdi Asomugha Sweepstakes during free agency… If there is a free agency. If they can get him then that’s wonderful, but just because a guy is out there there’s no guarantee they can land him, the majority of other teams will be making a play for him too I’m sure. I’d love to see the Boys replace both corners if possible and they did finally draft a CB in the 5th round. I’m not going to pretend like I know who Joshua Thomas is but he can’t possibly be worse than Jenkins can he?
I think the only cornerback worse than Mike Jenkins is Deangelo Hall.
I think I may have watched too much draft coverage. I’m started to comb my hair like Mel Kiper, next step, jet black dye, then, spray glue.
Caveman, THAT GUY Nnamdi is going to be a rich som-bitch; I’m thinking five or six teams that will be willing to pay him $20 mill or so with a big cabbage bonus and several of their virgin daughters to get him. This includes two teams in your division. The FA market will be slim pickens after that in the CB department, but you can still upgrade the position from Jenkins.
Brutus; I just sprayed my folically challenged head black, and damn it I look like a Raiders fan.
To whomever was asking about the whole TE-basketball connection:
Basketball players are typically large and tall, and most power forwards happen to fall between 6’8 and 6’11, which happens to be exceptional for a position that requires tall people. However, in college, a lot of undersized, bulky players (6’5-6’7) end up playing PF and get away with it because they’re exceptionally good jumpers (another valuable skill for tight ends, but pretty common among basketball players). These players can’t make it to the NBA, but they happen to have prototypical skills for the tight end position (speed, height, [presumably[ good hands).
@Chad Henne – We will have none of these serious, thought out, logical explanations here, mister. I demand a dick joke as penance.
/but seriously that actually makes perfect sense
Antonio Gates and Gonzales are doing alright for converted hard court (not in a Vick way) dudes…..
Holy shit snacks! bin Laden is dead!
Correction the sweetest sound you’ll ever hear would’ve been the bomb that killed bin Laden going off.
America is the greatest fucking country on the planet. USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!
This post was early by three days. The cheering in NY and DC is the sweetest sound
The sweetest sound?
The bullet that craked that fucker bin ladens skull.
You know what the saddest thing is? We’re probably not going to get to know the names of the people who commenced this operation for a very long time. Those guys risked their lives and have done one of the most important things in American history, yet they’re not going to get the glory they deserve. I would wait in Hell to cheer and congratulate these guys. Hopefully, we get a chance to soon.
keyboard cat strikes again my men.
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