Are you one of those people with a big inner child who longs for the tree house he never had as a child? Are you also a wealthy deviant looking for a nearly invisible place to carry out your horrific deeds? Well for the $300,000 the Mirrorcube could be yours. It’s made of mirrors, you see. If anyone were to approach, they’d see nothing but themselves. As you can imagine, that could be extremely unsettling. Nice job, Scandinavians. You have crafted a truly Unnecessary Purchase.
Last Week: 6-9
I’m never going to get that rape box.
New York Jets -7 at Denver
Well, shit. Rex Ryan says that the playoffs start now for the Jets. I guess that means they’ll win the next two games, then lose the third and go home.
Cincinnati at Baltimore -7
The Ravens have to play well because they’re coming off of a loss against a shitty team. Also, no AJ Green for Cinci.
Buffalo +1 at Miami
The Dolphins have won two in a row. That seems like their ceiling.
Jacksonville at Cleveland PICK
I’ll take the cat, but I’m not going to lie, that train’s persistence worries me.
Carolina at Detroit -7
The Lions return to the comfort of Ford Field where they’ll be protected from the magical winds that direct all of Matt Stafford’s passes to the opponent.
Oakland -1 at Minnesota
Jared Allen didn’t even know Maxim wanted him to dress up as Rambo. He just showed up to the photo shoot looking like this.
Tampa Bay at Green Bay -14.5
We all agree that betting against the Packers is a bad idea, right? Great, now go tell your Congressman (or Congresslady if you’re in one of those districts) to vote down this bill or go to hell. I was going to embed the form here but I gave up immediately because it was confusing. That’s the kind of apathy that will save the internet as we know it.
Dallas -8 at Washington
It’s Dallas week in Washington, yet I didn’t see a single car flying mini Redskins flags on my way to work. I did, however, see a truck flying two huge Cowboys flags. This season can go ahead and die.
Arizona +10 at San Francisco
Every time I see Kevin Kolb on the sideline he’s making this face. He looks like an undercover cop. He’s probably biding his time for the perfect opportunity to plant drugs on John Skelton.
Seattle +3 at St. Louis
Marshawn Lynch is working on a contract extension with the the Seahawks. He’s willing to sacrifice a cash bonus in exchange for an Applebee’s franchise.
San Diego at Chicago -4
MARMALARD VS. CUTLERFUCKER! There can only be one.
Philadelphia at New York Giants -4
Juan Castillo claims that Andy Reid is working upwards of 22 hours a day. That only leaves two hours to sleep-eat! If I had to guess I’d say they’re setting up sleep deprevation as handy built-in excuse when Andy Reid burns his last timeout in the third quarter.
Kansas City at New England -15
When I was at Pitt I was certain that incoming freshman Tyler Palko was going to be a huge superstar in the NFL one day. I also thought that drinking Captain Morgan’s by the liter was a good way to spend an evening.
Mirrorcube via Uncrate