In the March issue of GQ, Yahoo!’s Michael Silver presents an oral history of Tebowmania, because why not, since Jeremy Lin’s emergence gives sports media an opportunity to rehash the inane discussions they had a few months back.
There’s a good amount of laudatory stuff said about Tebow in the piece, but I feel confident in saying that none of us want to read that. Instead, I’ve gone to the trouble of culling the extensive bitchy-comic comments from Brady Quinn as well as the nasty things that other players had to say about His Tebowmanianess.
Brady Quinn (backup QB, Denver Broncos): Early in the season, there was a game when Kyle [Orton] got hurt and the coaches were calling for me to go in, but Kyle got up and finished the game out. So I was the second-string guy. Then, a few weeks later, they decided to put Tim in. I felt like the fans had a lot to do with that. Just ’cause they were chanting his name. There was a big calling for him. No, I didn’t have any billboards. That would have been nice.
Well, in that case…
Terrell Suggs (outside linebacker, Baltimore Ravens): They say we were giving him a hard time because he’s a Christian. No, that’s not it! We were giving him a hard time because he was terrible.
Dammit, Suggs. First you call Skip Bayless a douchebag on TV and now this. Don’t make me like you.
Quinn: [discussing wins in Weeks 9 and 10 over the Chiefs and Raiders] The entire game, the defensive line is chasing the quarterback around, and that wears down the pass rush. Meanwhile, the defensive backs are chasing receivers, but you only throw eight passes, so they start to feel lazy. It only takes that one play, that one big pass, for a touchdown.
Kurt Warner: I’m more of a purist, a drop-back passer, and there were times that it was almost difficult to watch. Like, this isn’t supposed to be happening, and I don’t know how to filter it through my brain.
Jared Allen (defensive end, Minnesota Vikings): We decided not to cover anybody in that game, so we left guys wide-open for him to hit, which sucked. It can lull you to sleep, where you’re just thinking, “We can stop the run. We can stop Tebow.” But you know, it’s still the NFL. You don’t need to be Tom Brady to hit a wide-open guy.
Allen: You can still see that child mentality in him. He just has that grin on his face, and he’s out there playing ball. We were talking about sacks, and he said, “You got lucky I fumbled that.” I told him, “You got lucky that everybody’s been wide-open!” He just laughed.
Allen: You know what the coolest part about the whole thing is? And the reason people hate it? Because it’s showing that the conventional wisdom of coaches isn’t really necessary. You know, coaches always think they have the winning theory: “Our way is the right way! Blah blah blah!” Well, here’s a dude that they basically had to scrap the whole offense for and go back to running a college [system]. And they have been successful with it. Sometimes people think the game is more difficult than it is. If you find something that works, go with it. And I don’t really think it has to be a nine-syllable frickin’ play.
Quinn: We’ve had a lot of, I guess, luck, to put it simply.
Quinn: If you look at it as a whole, there’s a lot of things that just don’t seem very humble to me. When I get that opportunity, I’ll continue to lead not necessarily by trying to get in front of the camera and praying but by praying with my teammates, you know?
Shawne Merriman (linebacker, Buffalo Bills): His teammates are making him look a lot better than he is.
Would have been nice for Silver to give Tebow a chance to make a steroids rejoinder here, but Tebow’s probably too lame to take it, anyway.
Suggs: I mean, it’s an insult to us players. You know, wins are hard to come by in this league, and if I was Denver’s defense, I would feel a certain way—they’re not allowed to [say it], ’cause they’re all on one team, but people are making it look like Tim Tebow is the kid from Foxboro—which, that couldn’t be more opposite. It’s just crazy that we’re calling him a phenomenon when basically he’s mediocre. Cam Newton’s a way better quarterback than Tim Tebow, and we don’t have a Cam Newton phenomenon.
Suggs: He went six for twenty-two for sixty yards [against the Chiefs]! That’s terrible quarterbacking. Are you kidding me? No matter how many bad games Tim Tebow is gonna have, it’s “He’s great.” I’ll never understand it.
If there were an entire magazine dedicated to negative quotes about Tebow, I’d get 400 subscriptions and leave them in the waiting rooms of every doctor in the region. Two for abortion doctors.