Just because Rex Ryan has already resumed his Rex Ryan standard operating procedure of promising Jets Super Bowl titles doesn’t mean anyone has forgotten how last season ended for Gang Greenish Ground and Pound: with bitter recriminations, rampant doubts about their starting quarterback and, most importantly, no playoffs. Not even Nacho’s Valentine’s Day besos for Santonio Holmes was enough to smooth over the jangled nerves of a downtrodden franchise. But help is apparently on the way, as guard Matt Slauson told the media this week that the Jets are planning various team-building exercises for the off-season to build morale. Among them:
Becoming a roving band of sex cruise pirates.
Hooker cattle drive
Attending the GOP convention as the pretend delegates from the state of Wydeopening
Candy bar sale for Brunell’s debt
Throwing a kick-ass fiesta for Sanchez when they sign either Peyton Manning or Matt Flynn
Invade WWE with REAL SPORTZ stable gimmick
What do they call those fetish videos where women step on food? Because they’ll do that.
Organizing their own version of “The Hunger Games” with Cromartie’s kids
Signing Brandon Jacobs for laughter but also tears
Days of delightful confusion when they sign Albert Haynesworth thinking it’s Brandon Jacobs
Stealing the Giants trophy then realizing they have nowhere to hide it because they don’t have their own stadium
Panty raid in the Flight Crew locker room.
Talking out their ass, mostly