Jaguars fans had a kewt meme via fake Shahid Khan mustaches. But for every meme that enjoys a brief period of success and inspiration, there are dozens of other forced ones that make you question why the Illuminati invented the Internet in the first place. Granted, “Jaguaring” is the result of Parks and Rec-like city boosterism by a local Jacksonville business district non-profit, but the first time we catch an actual Jags fan doing it, we’re scorching the town and salting the earth so no sports will ever grow there again.
– “HI NEW PERSON! THE BEN SOON BE DAD! TEACH LITTLE BEN IMPORTANT LESSON LIKE HOW POTTY TRAIN GIRLS AGAINST WILL”
– A Raiders rookie tweeted that a police officer let him out of a ticket for running a red light because he’s a Raider. Wait, some people were expecting laws to be enforced in Oakland? That’s cute.
– Giants players apparently enjoy no such benefits with the law, because what have they done lately? Anyway, David Diehl got arrested on a drunk driving charge on Sunday night for driving into a bunch of parked cars in Queens. Diehl blew a .18, prompting Justin Blackmon to say he should be arrested on suspicion of being a lightweight.
– Gronk supposedly celebrated his new infusion of f*ck-you money by dancing shirtless and dumping drinks on women. See, money don’t change people.
– Drew Brees is opening his own Jimmy Johns location in New Orleans. Awaiting sports talk trolling that will claim that no elite quarterback could ever be involved with such a pedestrian sub chain.
– Eli Manning looks like a member of the Junior Achievers. Though Elisha would make an interesting press secretary for a president. “Hey y’all, this new bill we got about the estate tax is flippin’ sweet! There will be no questions. I’M OUTIE!”
– D.J. Williams tweeted a picture of the Broncos playbook, because he wanted to show fans the iPad he’s using to learn defensive formations. All the more reason why Peyton sticks with the android supercomputer implanted in his giant head.