‘If You Smash Your Face Against Hers, That’s The One’

By: 08.12.12

The first episode of the new season of “Hard Knocks” dedicated not a small amount of time to the young marriage between Chad Johnson and Evelyn Lozada. There were several lovey dovey quotes about their online meet-cute, and how Chad knew she was marriage material because he once paused both FIFA and Call of Duty for her.

WELP. Theirs was a quick honeymoon, it seems, as Chad was arrested early Sunday morning for allegedly headbutting his wife to punctuate an argument that started when Evelyn found a receipt for a box of condoms. Chad is charged with misdemeanor battery and domestic violence.

Suffice it to say, fewer scenes of connubial bliss on “Hard Knocks” episodes to come.

UPDATE: Chad told police it was Evelyn who actually headbutt him. Most likely bullsh*t, but they’re both crazy enough that it wouldn’t be shocking either way.

SECOND UPDATE: Chad Johnson has been released by the Dolphins, per Jay Glazer. Jury’s still out on whether that was more productive than the time he spent in New England.

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